


Little Lix

by ChristianoBagnaldo



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: (Once Again Non-Sexual Age Play), Age Play Caregiver Bang Chan, Age Play Caregiver Han Jisung | Han, Age Play Caregiver Hwang Hyunjin, Age Play Caregiver Kim Seungmin, Age Play Caregiver Seo Changbin, Age Play Caregiver Yang Jeongin | I.N, Age Play Little Lee Felix (Stray Kids), Age Regression Shouldn't Be Sexualized, Age Regression/De-Aging, Alternate Universe, Angst, BabySpace Lee Felix, Bed-Wetting, Crying, Diapers, Don't Like Don't Read, F/F, F/M, Felix is Babie, Fluff, Forced Regression, Gen, Lee Felix is a Little Shit (Stray Kids), Little/Neutral/Caregiver AU, Littles Are Known, M/M, Mentioned TOMORROW X TOGETHER Ensemble, Mentioned TWICE Ensemble, Non-Sexual Age Play, Pacifiers, Panic Attacks, Past Abuse, Past Child Abuse, Secret Identity, Self-Esteem Issues, Soft Lee Felix (Stray Kids), Tears, Wetting, age regresser felix, lots of fluff, pull-ups, tantrums
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-26
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:54:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 41,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28332705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChristianoBagnaldo/pseuds/ChristianoBagnaldo
Summary: Felix has been fighting his biology for the better part of six years, and it seems he's hit his breaking point.Like an avalanche, secret after secret comes snowballing apart in his life. Without his permission of course, why would fate be kind??From exposing his Little Space to the members, to confronting his traumatic past, to coming out about his biology to his fans, to many other things, Felix's life turns 180° after a single Wednesday.In short: Felix goes through the hardest times of his life, learning new things and making new friends along the way. Tons of angst, fluff, and Little Felix is involved.
Comments: 96
Kudos: 289





	1. It's a Little Difficult

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TyraKade](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TyraKade/gifts).



> I decided to write this fanfiction for my best friend, so here it is.
> 
> Merry Christmas Love
> 
> With that being said, please understand this is my first fanfiction on this app, and I'm not a professional writer. 
> 
> Please be kind to me, this fanfic, and my hard work. 
> 
> Enjoy!

It was hard, to say the least. Fighting biology and what you were born to become was not something you were supposed to do, and therefore hard and exhausting. 

Felix first handedly knew how true these words were. Fighting your own mind, day after day, hour after hour, minute after minute. 

Not that anyone knew of his daily battle. But he preferred it that way. 

Felix didn't even want to think of the scolding he would get from Chan, or the amount of motherly-ness he'd get from Minho, or the concern he'd get from the rest of them.

Not that he'd mind these things too much, to be honest. 

Despite all these intrusive thoughts about how nice it'd be to tell someone, he refused to let himself dream too much. He'd fought too hard, struggled too much, to just let it all go down the drain. 

Even now, he was exhausted from fighting it all day. 

It was a normal Wednesday, busy and tiring. Felix wouldn't have it any other way, but that doesn't mean it doesn't get tedious every once in a while. 

They have been in the practice room, dancing most of the day. 

Tiring, sweaty, and dizzy are three words Felix could use to describe dance practice. Any other words would be along the lines of "adrenaline" "achy muscles" and, of course the ever present "shit I can't feel my legs."

Yeah. A normal Wednesday. 

This Wednesday, however, had been particularly hard for Felix. 

He'd been having a harder time lately fighting off his little side and pushing it down. 

Chan decided that today, this _lovely, wonderful, amazing_ Wednesday that they were gonna review _all_ their dances from the last album "In Life" and spend the _entire_ day dancing to them. 

Yay. 

Any other Wednesday, Felix wouldn't have minded so much. This particular Wednesday, he was on the verge of slipping, and rehearsing the dance for Easy was proving to be his downfall. 

Part of the dance required Chan and Jisung to pick Felix up and rock him in between them, with him sitting on their arms. 

If Felix had a better mental control, like usual, it wouldn't affect him this badly. However, as Chan and Jisung hoisted him up into their arms, Felix could feel himself start to slip. 

Not physically, but it sure had that effect as he tried to _yank_ himself out of headspace. 

He fell off of Chan's and Jisung’s arms, luckily catching himself before he face-planted onto the hard floor, but still landing hard on his wrist with a twist. 

The members rushed to him, the music stopping in the middle of Felix’s recorded verse. 

"Felix!! Felix are you ok? I'm sorry, I should've caught you!" Chan was trying to apologize to Felix and ask him something at the same time. 

"I-I'm fine, Chan. Seriously, stop fussing over me, I'm fine." Felix protested Chan's concern, concerned himself about his oncoming headspace. 

Pain made a Littles headspace, no matter what age, more acute and more likely to slip. Felix was no exception. 

The pain in his wrist, the worry in Chan's voice, the hovering and concern of the other members, and overall stress of constantly pushing away his Little Space; this felt like a last straw. 

Forcing himself up, he pushed past the members and their worried shouts of protest and flung himself out of the practice room and into JYP halls. 

Luckily, the others knew he needed some space and they let him go without following him. Felix knew he was gonna get scolded later back at the dorms, and rightfully so. 

Right now, he didn't have a good excuse to why he pushed them away and ran; not without the explanation his little space brought. 

He subconsciously made his way to a vacant stall in the public restrooms of JYP. 

Actually, all the stalls were empty, much to Felix’s delight. No one was there. 

Felix plopped down on the closed toilet seat lid of the stall furthest from the door, and he had never been as glad as he was now that JYP had nice restroom toilets. 

Breathing deeply, he held his slightly swollen wrist to his chest, and willed his headspace away. 

He was only fallen into his headspace twice. Once was when he figured out, he was a Little, like 30% of the population. The second time was, well, a story for a different time. 

Point is, he didn't even know how to properly "fall" into his headspace. At this point, he only knew how to fight it. 

So that's what he did. 

Biting his lip, he tried not to let his tears fall, and failed. He choked on a sob, pulling his hand back to get a proper look at the damage. 

Luckily, it looked like a simple sprain, not anything serious or too painful. 

Again, he tried to steady his breathing and calm himself down from... Whatever breakdown he just had. 

It wasn't really a breakdown, more like... a crack. Yeah, that's it. A crack in his defenses and otherwise impenetrable wall of sturdy and carefully controlled emotions. 

Nothing to it. Heck, it was healthy even! That's what he tried to tell himself at least. 

_Right. Get out of your head, Felix._

Pulling himself off of the toilet lid, he shuffled slowly out of the stall to criticize himself in one of the slightly dirty restroom mirrors. 

Oof. His eyes were bloodshot, and his cheeks (ew, freckles) were streaked with salty, wet, tears. His skin was still sticky with sweat, and his face was still slightly red from sobbing (not that he'd tell anyone he had been sobbing, shhh). 

_I look like I got hit by a truck._

Ok, his hair was not that much of a hot mess, which he counted as a bonus. Just... wet with sweat and hadn't been washed since last night. 

_What time is it anyway?_

He looked to the wall on his upper right, to the clock that every bathroom in JYP seemed to have. 

7:30. _7:30?!?_ Chan is gonna be pissed! They leave for home in an hour, and Felix still has to review five dances!

His eyes widened, pulling uncomfortably on his salt crusted eyes, before he turned on the faucet to wash his face (and hopefully his not-so-subtle tear-stained ego). 

After he washed (read: scrubbed) his face and dried it on rough cheap paper towels (he guessed the toilets made up for the sandpaper they called paper towels), he made his way back to the Stray Kids practice room. 

He took a deep, shuddering breath before twisting the knob to enter, praying that they don't make too big a fuss over the fact that he cried. "They" meaning the mom and dad of Stray Kids; Minho and Chan, respectively. 

Well, biologically speaking, all of Stray Kids would have a parental aura. 

Meaning that they were all Caregivers. Yep.

All. Of. Them. 

Caregivers made up 30% of the population. Caregivers usually had uncanny strength, a comforting scent, and a way to calm any Little or child down. 

Which made it hard for Felix, a Little, the only Little in Stray Kids, to hide _anything_. 

Caregivers had, he swears, a sixth sense. They always knew when something was wrong or amiss. 

They were out of milk? Minho had a feeling they were low and had picked some up. 

Jeongin stole Sungbin’s candy? Seungmin could just _tell_ , though Felix wasn't sure if that was a caregiver trait or just a Seungmin thing. Both were possible. 

Chan was in his studio without any food and sleep deprived? Changbin always knew somehow and would drag his ass out by his ears if need be. 

Hyunjin was feeling down? Jisung could tell and knew just what to do. 

It kinda freaked Felix out sometimes. One time, he twisted his ankle during an exceptionally draining practice, and tried to hide it. Within five minutes of arriving home, Chan had him pinned down and was examining his ankle, wrapping it carefully afterwards. 

Yeah. Kinda freaky. Just like now.

The second Felix stepped foot into the practice room where B Me was blaring loudly, seven pairs of eyes turned to him. 

He froze, staring back awkwardly. The music stopped abruptly, probably Jisung's doing. He always seemed to be in charge of the speakers. 

"Hey, are you ok?" Seungmin was the first one to speak, voicing all of their question with his own. 

Felix nodded, throat suddenly deciding to clog up with unshed tears. Maybe he shouldn't have left the restroom so soon... 

"Uh," He cleared his throat, forcing himself to answer, "y-yeah, I'm fine. I just, uh, I just..." _Think, Felix, think!_ "The fall made me need the bathroom?" He ended his (false, mind you) answer. 

"Why do you say it like a question?" Minho squinted suspiciously at his answer. 

"No reason?" He answered (again, falsely). He shuffled in place nervously, hoping against hope that they wouldn't pick up on his obvious lie, to no avail. 

"Felix, why are you holding your hand like that?" Jeongin pointed out. Felix mentally cursed the perceptive maknae. 

"I, um, I fell on it and didn't notice until I got into the bathroom." Another lie, Felix could feel the hot throbbing the moment it happened. 

Don't tell them that though. 

"Let me see it." Hyunjin demanded, carefully (but still forcefully) taking Felix's small, injured hand into his own large one. Out of habit, Felix started chewing the thumb nail on his other hand. 

"This is a pretty nasty sprain Felix. Chan, come look at this." Hyunjin observed before calling their leader over to get a second opinion. 

Chan walked over, gently taking Felix's baby hand from Hyunjin to see the damage himself. 

"Yep, this will take at least two weeks to completely heal, but I'm no doctor." He commented with a frown. "Guys, let's go home for the night, and take Felix to the doctor’s office in the morning, but he needs ice on it right now." 

The members scattered, excited about being done for the day, despite being concerned for one of their members injury. 

Usually, their practices go from about eight in the morning to nine at night, meaning that they would be leaving a whole hour earlier than usual today. 

It made Felix feel a little guilty. They had to cut their practice short because he couldn't keep his emotions in check and not fuck up. 

Nevertheless, Felix started to head towards his bag that was at the far end of the practice room, ready to go home for the day, still biting his finger lightly After all, Chan's the leader for a reason, and what he says goes. 

"You're not seriously thinking of carrying that bag with an injured hand, are you? Cause that would be a very stupid thing to do." Seungmin’s reprimanding voice nearly scared the shit out of Felix, who was absent mindedly packing up his stuff. 

He glanced up to see the taller, but younger, looking at him with one eyebrow raised in question, basically saying itself " _what kind of idiot are you?_ "

Felix groaned, but answered anyway. "Yeah, actually, I was. It’s good to be responsible for your own things, isn't it?" 

Seungmin frowned, and his eyebrow raised higher (how??).

"Yeah... no I don't think so." Seungmin grabbed the bag from Felix's grasp, ignoring his whines of protest. "Since when do you _want_ to act 'responsible' anyway?" He added, standing up and heading towards the door the others were gathered up at. 

Any other time, having Seungmin carry his bag for him would be a much needed and appreciated relief. Not today, as you know why. 

One by one, they filed out of the door, Chan in the lead with Felix last. They all followed Chan, not unlike ducklings, out near the road where their driver was already waiting, sitting idle with the huge van already running. 

Minho walked ahead of Chan and opened to car door, holding it open for everyone to climb in before climbing in after Felix was seated. 

He sat next to Felix, much to his unfortunate luck. 

He sat between Seungmin and Minho, slightly squished, but warm and secure. 

Seungmin still had his bag, along with his own on his lap. 

Struggling lightly to try and wiggle his way out of between his two members, he tried to reach for his bag, bumping his wrist in the process. 

He hissed, tears threatening to well up. _Well, if It didn't hurt before, it does now_.

Minho immediately took notice, pulling him into his lap and out of harm’s way. 

He immediately stiffened, his cheeks awkwardly heating up. It’s not uncommon for them to sit in each other's laps like this. 

This time?? Sitting in Minho's lap, his hyungs lap, a _Caregivers lap_ , made him feel very _very small_. 

That in itself made him panic. 

_No, no, nope, nope, nope!_

He tried to steady his breathing before he flew into a full-blown panic attack, wiggling around on Minho's lap uncomfortably, trying vainly to get out of his vise-like grip. 

"You ok? You look constipated." Jisung commented, raising an eyebrow. Why was everyone raising their eyebrow at him today? 

"Yeah, just- just tired I guess." He lamely explained. _Everyone_ raised their eyebrow at that. 

"...Right." Chan didn't believe him for one second, even with Felix looking at him with the most innocent face he could muster up. 

"Lemme go, Hyung. I wanna sit on the seat, not your lap." He wriggled more, finally succeeding, and sat back down in between Minho and Seungmin, ignoring Minho's pout of protest. 

Felix rolled his eyes at his hyungs' antics, laying his head on Seungmin’s shoulder and closing his eyes, hoping to feign sleep in hopes of getting home sooner.

~ (◍•ᴗ•◍) ~

Stray Kids' dorm was about a half hour away from the main building, for security reasons of course. 

With his eyes still closed, he could anticipate every turn and road they drove down, before finally slowing and parking in the parking lot of the dorms.

To be fair, it wasn't "just" Stray Kids dorms, but included many groups under JYP. 

JYP paid for a big fancy building to house its artists somewhere safe and secluded. Artists, meaning GOT7, Day6, Stray Kids, Boy Story, 2PM, etc. 

The girl groups of JYP were housed somewhere nearby, and they could visit each other anytime. 

With that being said, because the building housed so many people, it was obvious it was a nice place. 

About 10 stories high, each group had their own floor. Floor eight happened to be their floor. Floor one, the ground floor, had a kitchen, a cafeteria, a gym, and a (small) studio and dance room for late night projects and sleepless nights. 

It also had a convenient parking garage to the left of the building that held company and personal cars. 

The vehicle pulled into a vacant spot in said garage, and Felix opened his eyes, slightly dizzy. 

Minho opened the door and climbed out first, Felix and Seungmin following. They waited until all of them had exited the vehicle before heading inside the door on the main floor, not unlike a pack of wild monkeys. 

While the others chatted loudly and raced down the halls to the elevators, Felix walked calmy and quietly. Any other day, and he would be up there with them, laughing and racing. 

Chan, being the mature one of the group, also refrained from running and instead strode side-by-side with Felix. 

The walk was silent, but he could feel Chan's inquisitive gaze on him the entire time, probably analyzing and trying to figure out the best way to talk about his sudden mood swings. 

Felix ignored him too, too drained mentally and physically to care.

They reached the elevator where the others were impatiently waiting for them. 

"Finally!" Jisung dramatically said in English, clicking the button to take them to their floor. Hyunjin laughed at his dramatics, mocking him slightly. 

"FiNaLlY," He mimicked, trying his best to speak the foreign language. 

Chan laughed slightly, before shaking his head at the two. 

The elevator rose up before stopping at their floor and they all shoved their way out. 

"What does everyone want for dinner?" Chan called out, heading to the kitchen, to presumably make food for the entire group. 

"Chicken!" Jeongin called back from somewhere in the other room. Ah yes, chicken, the main supplement of Stray Kids diets. 

"No! Bibimbap!" Hyunjin screeched in protest from down the hall. 

"Bitch-!! No, chicken!" Jeongin screamed back. Hyunjin came stomping down the hall and into the living room where Jeongin sat, ready to fight him. 

Jeongin stood up, and the two had a stare down before Jisung walked in and looked at them weirdly. 

"Why can't we have Bibimbap _and_ chicken??" He asked, like the peace maker he was not. 

Hyunjin and Jeongin blinked blankly at Jisung before resuming their stare down. Jisung just sighed like the weight of the music industry rested on his shoulders and walked to where Felix stood, who was watching the entire exchange with amusement. 

"What do you want for dinner?" Jisung asked him, ignoring the tow caregivers who had just started physically fighting, like it was a normal occurrence. Which, in his defense, it was normal. 

"I dunno, chicken nuggets??" Felix shrugged, gazing off into the distance, mouthwatering slightly. 

Jisung frowned at him momentarily, before perking up. "Hey, that's actually a good idea! I think we have some in the freezer, lemme check." 

He walked out of the entryway, most likely to talk to Chan and check the freezer, Felix guessed. 

He continued down the hall towards his shared room with Jisung and away from the Jeongin dolphin screeching and Hyunjin's dramatic yelps. He wasn't too worried about them; they did this every day. 

Felix appreciated the effort they put in to make it seem like a normal day, but the air still felt tense, and he knew they would most likely be having a family meeting in an hour or two. 

Like he said before, Caregivers have some sort of 6th sense about problems, and he was sure they had all felt how tense he was. 

Not that Felix himself had that 6th sense.

When he first came to Korea, he introduced himself as a Neutral, someone who was neither a Little nor Caregiver. 

A Neutral had no headspace, unlike Littles, and no 6th sense, unlike Caregivers. Neutrals were, well, neutral. 

In the category of "Neutrals" there were three sub-groups. 

Neutrals with Caregiver tendencies, Neutrals with Neutral tendencies, and Neutrals with Little tendencies. 

Neutrals with Caregiver tendencies had more of a paternalistic instinct than just a plain Neutral. Caregivers are wonderful parents and caretakers for everyone, not just Littles.

Likewise, Neutrals with Caregiver tendencies were good with Children and Littles. In a sense, they were the babysitters. Not a permanent job, but they do it fairly well for a short amount of time. 

Neutrals with Neutral tendencies were the normal people. No Little side, no strong paternal instincts. Simply "neutral." 

Neutrals with Little tendencies were also good with Children, but not in a babysitting type of way. They played well with Littles and Children, and understood them on a different level, but they aren't very reliable to leave your Little or kid with. 

That being explained, Felix introduced himself as a Neutral with Little tendencies. His original lie was to have him as a simple Neutral, but he figured that if he ever slipped up and acted younger, a Neutral with Little tendencies would make more sense. 

Thank goodness nobody questioned him. 

Felix swiftly entered his room and closed the door behind him. He wanted to at least shower before he ate and was forced to lie about what happened today. 

He grabbed a pair of Tweedy Bird pajama pants and one of Chans t-shirts that "happened" to be in his drawer (shh, don't tell Chan) and a pair of boxers, being mindful of his swollen wrist. As a last-minute thought, he swallowed two pain pills from his reserves (he had a bottle of pain pills stashed in his underwear drawer) to tide off the pain while he showered. 

Shuffling into the bathroom, he closed and locked the door, and tried to undress. 

Key word: _tried_.

He struggled to take his shirt off, standing in the middle of the bathroom in only his boxers. 

He whined in frustration, before sighing in defeat and opened the bathroom door to peek his head out. 

Debating for a moment, he finally called someone for help. "Chan Hyung! Can you come help me?" 

He heard a yelled response which sounded like a "sure, just a minute" and closed the door of the bathroom to wait. 

A couple moments later, a soft knock sounded on the door he was resting his head on. 

He quickly opened the door to let Chan in, closing it behind him afterwards. 

"What did you need help with?" Chan asked, giving him a once-over to make sure he didn't hurt himself (other than his wrist, obviously). 

"I, uh," Felix stammered, suddenly becoming shy, "I need help getting my shirt off, it hurts my wrist too much." He might've taken pain pills, but it'll be at least a half hour before they kick in. 

Chan laughed lightly. "Oh, is that all? I thought it was gonna be something serious." Felix whined at his teasing, pouting. 

Chan gripped the hem of his shirt, tugging it up softly. "Arms up," he demanded softly. 

Felix raised his arms, and Chan finished pulling his shirt off, being cautious about his wrist. 

"Felix, you can out your arms down now." Chan laughed at him. Laughed at him!! 

"Ok, thanks Hyung." Felix said, stepping away from the door so Chan could leave. 

"I'll be in the kitchen if you need me for anythi- Hey is that one of my shirts?" Chan stopped mid-sentence, spotting the plain black tee with the rest of Felix’s clothes. 

"Uhhhh, I don't know what you're talking about. I think I hear Minho hyung looking for you, I'll call ya if I need ya, byyyeeee!" Felix pushed Chan out of the bathroom, almost making him trip. 

To be fair though, Minho really was looking for him. 

Felix heaved out a breath of relief, locking the bathroom door before continuing his strip session and walking into the stand-in shower. 

Turning the water up as high and hot as it would go, Felix stood idly as the water turned him bright red, lost in thought. 

Today was a close call. He almost, _almost_ slipped. Considering he hadn't slipped in four years, that was concerning. 

All those emotions, feelings, and urges were stronger today than ever before. And that included his elimination before debut. 

Don't get him wrong, his elimination was one of the hardest times of his entire life, but when that happened the promise of not slipping was too fresh that he never considered it. 

What if... he did slip? What would happen? Felix involuntarily shuddered at the thought, panic creeping up his spine. 

He shook his head, willing away all thoughts that contained any fraction of his headspace. Grabbing his shower poof, he started washing himself with his peppermint body wash, scrubbing harder than necessary (using his left hand of course). 

His body become an even brighter red, the irritation caused by the loofa making scratches on his delicate thighs and skin. 

After he was done with that, he squirted some strawberry scented shampoo into the palm of his hand, and almost started to scrub before his wrist sent a shooting pain up his arm, reminding him that he was unable to do the simplest tasks at the moment without a lot of pain. 

Felix sighed, and desperately thought of what to do that didn't involve Chan washing his hair like he was a baby that couldn't do it himself. 

It seemed though, that he was out of options. 

He heaved a sigh and resigned to his fate. He stepped out of the shower (not turning it off, he planned to get back in) and opened the door, peeking his head out for the second time, his hair slick with water and half-scrubbed suds. 

"Channie hyung! I need help again..." He yelled to his hyung that was most likely in the kitchen. He hated to ask his busy hyung for help when he should've been able to do it himself. 

"Hey, Chan sent me cause he's busy. What do you need help with?" Jisung answered in Chan's place. 

"I can't wash my hair." He replied back lamely. 

"I can help with that! I need to shower anyway, and Seungmin took the other bathroom, the brat. Hang on a sec and I'll go get my clothes." Jisung rapped out exuberantly. 

Felix made a noise of protest, but by then, Jisung was already long gone. He shrugged; it wasn't like they hadn't showered together before anyway. 

He stepped back into the shower, trying not to let the shampoo from his hair run into his eyes. 

He head the bathroom door softly open and close, and some shuffling from behind the shower curtain. 

The curtain pulled back, and Jisung stood there in his naked 5'7 glory, smiling broadly. 

Felix smiled back. Despite his current circumstances, Jisung was still his twin and one of his best friends. Who could deny such a cutie a smile? 

Certainly not Lee Felix. 

Felix stepped further into the shower, gesturing for Jisung to get in with him. Jisung stepped into the shower, instantly coming behind Felix to wrap his arms around his waist. 

Felix sighed contently and leaned back into the elder, let Jisung hold both of their weights. Not like it was a struggle for him and his weird Caregiver super-strength. 

Jisung softly rocked them back and forth for a minute, before pulling back and softly saying, "Here, sit up and I'll wash your hair." 

Felix did as told, pulling forward enough for Jisung to wash his hair under the shower head. 

He softly massaged and scrubbed Felix's scalp, careful not to get it in his eyes. He felt so _tiny_ , like this. Letting one of his hyungs (even if he was only older by a day) take care of him and do everything for him. It felt so _right_.

And that's where Felix put a stop to those feelings. 

As soon as Jisung washed the last bit of conditioner out of his hair, he slipped out of Jisung’s grasp, intending to get out of the shower and get dressed before his mind swallowed him completely. 

"Hey, where are you going?" Jisung called after him, poking his head out of the shower stall after him. 

"I'm done and gonna get dressed." Felix replied, picked up his towel and tried to wrap it around his waist. And failed. Hmm. Seemed like even tying a simple towel requires two hands. 

"Wait a minute for me to wash up and then I'll help you get dressed." Jisung interjected, disappearing out of site to finish his shower. 

Felix still tried to get dressed himself, anyway, not getting very far before he heard the water shut off behind him and Jisung closing the door of the shower stall. 

"Here let me help." Jisung offered, making Felix glare slightly. 

"I don't need your stupid help." He grumbled out, still struggling with his pajama pants. Luckily, he was able to put his boxers on without any help. 

Well, mostly. They were still bunched up at the waistline, but right now that was the least if his worries. 

"Fine. Try to do it yourself. I'll watch." Jisung retorted sassily. 

He tried; he really did. But sadly, the pants won this battle. He gave up, glaring at the offending clothing. 

"Ready to accept my help?" Jisung teased him. Felix just nodded helplessly. 

Jisung finished pulling Felix's pants up his legs until they were snug around his waist. Unfolding the shirt, he observed it before bunching it up for the head hole to go on easy. 

"Isn't this Chan hyungs shirt?" He speculated. 

"Just put the damn shirt on me." He blushed lightly at getting caught. 

"Arms up." Felix wordlessly did as told, letting Jisung pull the fabric onto his head and arms and down his torso. 

"Thanks. I'm leaving now." Felix said clipped, not looking Jisung in the eyes. 

"Ok, tell the others I'll be out in a minute." 

Felix hated having others do things for him. Not because he was prideful, but because it always made him feel small and loved. 

And he wasn't allowed to feel that way. 

He exited the bathroom and went back to his room to dispose of his dirty laundry before heading to the kitchen where everyone else was. 

Seungmin and Minho both had wet hair, like himself, so he assumed they had already taken a shower as well. 

They were both on their phones, Seungmin at the table and Minho on a bar stool, switching from looking at his phone to watching Chan. 

Chan was cooking something on the stove, smelling suspiciously like ramyeon.

Hyunjin and Jeongin sat across from each other at the table, pouting, probably because neither of them got what they wanted for dinner. 

Felix inwardly scoffed at their antics, but it wasn't anything new to be honest. 

"Hey Felix. Where is Jisung?" Minho said, glancing at him from the bar stool. 

"He's getting dressed." 

Speak of the devil, Jisung came up from behind him, wrapping his arms around his waist and resting his head on the crook of his neck, a position almost identical to the one they were in earlier while showering. 

"Sit down, food should be ready any minute." Chan told them, not looking up from the bubbling pot of noodles he was frantically stirring.

Felix and Jisung separated, taking a seat at the table, Felix next to Jeongin and Jisung next to Hyunjin. 

Their table was fairly small, only holding about ten people max, if they squished up. It held the eight of them just fine though, with plenty of elbow room. 

Chan, as the leader and oldest, usually sat at the head of the table. Minho was on his right, Seungmin on his left. 

Hyunjin was on Seungmin's left, Jisung on his. Jeongin was on Minho's right, and Felix on his, with Changbin taking up the other end. 

Speaking of Changbin, where was he? 

Like the gods above had heard Felix’s unanswered question, Changbin magically appeared out of nowhere, his hair wet and he was muttering something about 'stupid Seungmin and Minho for using the rest of the shampoo.'

He sat down in his spot, the end across from Chan. 

Chan set down the pot of ramyeon in the middle of the table, Seungmin offering to get bowls and chopsticks while Chan sat down. 

After he came back and passed out all the bowls and sat down, they said grace to bless the food before digging in. 

It was silent for about 30 seconds (a record) before everyone started talking at once. 

Jeongin, Hyunjin, and Jisung were arguing about whether Unicorns could have magic or if that was a myth. 

"No, Unicorns don't have magic. Luck is not magic," Jisung was saying. "Unicorns are just a horse with a mutated gene making a bone grow from their skull." He said, perfectly serious. 

"I don't think so, I'm pretty sure Unicorns have magic. Why how else would they fart rainbows?" Jeongin countered. 

"Pabo! That's a myth, just like those Platy-pusses." Hyunjin argued back. Chan opened his mouth, looking like he wanted to say something, but closed it with a sigh, giving up. 

"Platypuses aren't myths! If anything was a myth, it would be one of those 'blob fishes'." Jeongin retaliated.

"Blob fishes are real Innie. They have proof." Jisung supplied.

"Oh really? Why haven't I seen one then?" 

"Because you aren't special Innie." Seungmin interjected to their argument. "Plus, if anything was a myth, it'd be mermaids, not blob fish." 

Hyunjin and Jisung blew up at that. 

"What do you mean mermaids are a myth?!" Jisung shouted, bewildered. 

"98% of the ocean is unexplored, and nobody has even been to the bottom of the Marianna Trench. We have no idea what could be down there!" Hyunjin shouted.

Felix had given up trying to eat, unable to get his hand to hold his chopsticks right. He listened to the discussion going on, which changed from mermaids to dragons, and at some point Minho joined the chaos they called "calmly discussing". 

"ARE YOU SERIOUSLY TELLING ME TOOTHLESS ISN'T REAL?!" Hyunjin screeched out, nearly knocking over his bowl of forgotten Ramyeon. 

Ah yes. "calmly discussing". 

"BITCH! HE'S A FUCKING CARTOON!" Minho shouted back. 

Hyunjin made an inhuman screech. 

"Hey Felix, why aren't you eating?" Changbin asked before someone murdered over a cartoon. That got everyone's attention. 

_Wow, thanks Changbin, giving me the spotlight._

"Felix hasn't eaten?" Jeongin asked, concerned. 

"Uh... no?" He lamely answered. "I can't hold the chopsticks." 

"Shit, I forgot to get you a bag of ice, didn't I?" Chan looked stricken, a hurt look planting itself on his face. 

"It’s fine, Channie Hyung, I took some pain pills earlier, so it doesn't hurt." 

"Just because you can't feel the pain doesn't mean you should ignore that your injured. Hang on, I'll get an ice pack now." Chan pushed his chair and headed towards the freezer to get one of their many ice packs. 

Felix felt something nudge his cheek. That something was Changbin holding a bite of Ramyeon up to his lips. 

"Open up. I'm not letting you go hungry." He demanded. 

"No, it's fine Hyung. I can use my left hand." Felix declined, pushing the rising panic of being taken care of away. 

Changbin scoffed. "Yeah, right. No, I don't think so. Open up." 

Felix had no choice but to open his mouth and accept the bite of lukewarm Ramyeon, sending a silent prayer to God to keep his headspace away. 

Chan came back with an ice pack, giving it to Felix who gently set it on his injured wrist before taking another bite from Changbin. 

Bite after bite, Changbin fed him until the bowl was gone, unaware of all the members eyes on them, watching. 

When he finished the last bite, Changbin set down the chopsticks neatly across the bowl, waiting to be cleared and washed. 

Felix unintentionally let out a tiny burp, blushing lightly at the others giggles, before getting hiccups. 

Hiccups shook his thin frame, and he stood up to clear his place when a hand on his arm stopped him. 

"It’s fine, I'll do them tonight." Minho told him, taking the bowl he was holding. 

Felix looked conflicted. He usually jumps at the chance of getting out of chores, but he really wanted to help. If he didn't help, he felt like people were doing things for him, and that made him feel small, and... You get the gist of it. 

But look Minho have him told him he should listen this time and go somewhere else. 

So, he wandered into the living room, where Hyunjin, Jeongin, Jisung, and Seungmin had already started a movie, How To Train Your Dragon, _not surprisingly_. 

Felix almost went and joined them, but Chan came up and whispered to him softly, "I need to talk to you," before gently grabbing his arm and leading him to the leaders shared bedroom with Minho. 

Chan gently closed the door behind them, the noises of the movie and the clanks of dishes dulling. He gestured for Felix to sit on the bed. 

Not gonna lie, Felix was starting to panic. What's with him and panicking today?!

"What did you want to talk about?" Felix asked calmly, greatly contrasting the inner turmoil he was feeling. 

"I've noticed you've been struggling today. Do you have anything you want to talk about?" Chan asked, sitting cross-legged on Minho's bed facing Felix. 

And, for a half a second, Felix considered telling him. He really did. 

He wanted, so badly, to tell Chan, his Hyung, about his struggles. 

But then a little voice whispered in the back of his mind " _What if he hates you? What if he kicks you out of the group because you can't been take care of yourself?_ "

Well then. Guess not. 

"I guess I've just been stressed. I kinda had a breakdown earlier at practice, I didn't mean to." He lied like he was born for it, which is surprising because Felix is a horrible liar. 

Chan gave him a look, one that almost said, " _Why don't I believe you_?"

And honestly? Felix doesn't blame him. 

But it looks like Chan bought the lie. For now. "I suggest you get to bed early tonight then; we have to go to the doctor tomorrow to get your wrist checked and I don't really want you to have a breakdown in the waiting room." He joked, half serious. 

Felix forced out a fake laugh. "Yeah, we wouldn't want that..."

There was an awkward, pregnant pause. 

"So, I'm gonna go to bed now." Felix informed, standing up and walking to the door. 

"Good idea." Chan said. 

"And Felix?" Felix’s hand stopped at the door handle. "Don't forget that you can tell us anything. We love you and only want what's best for you." Chan reminded him, voice soft. 

He nodded mutely, not trusting his voice. "Night Hyung." He choked out, rushing out of the room before his dam broke. 

He practically ran to his room, hoping Jisung hadn't already decided to turn in. Hope liked him this time. 

He flung himself into his bed, pulling his covers over his head. 

The dam broke. 

The first tear slipped past his defenses, beginning the cascade of tears that tore down his puffy cheeks. 

He silently cried, trying to muffle his sobs. 

Why was life so unfair? What did he do to deserve this? 

Every day, fighting and struggling, knowing the second he gave in, he would be knocked down and out of the fight for good. 

He was tired, so tired. But he knew, he knew that if they knew, he would be kicked from the group. They wouldn't want a Little like him. 

Broken, beaten, but strong willed all the same. No one wants a Little like him, that looks like him, that acts like him. 

Right? 

Nobody would want him. He's lucky they tolerate him now, when he was independent. 

Nobody wants to love a full-grown adult that acts like a two-year-old. 

Nobody. 

Besides, he doesn't even act like a Little. He's too skinny, voice too deep. Nobody wants a bony demon as a Little. 

_Disgusting_ , his mind supplied, oh-so-helpfully stupid. _No one will ever want you. You can't even take care of yourself._

The tiny demonic voice almost seemed familiar, but with the war going on in his mind, he couldn't identify it. 

_Just give up. Leave. Leave before they find out and kick you out._

He ignored that part. Where would he go?? Nobody would even want to take him in. 

The door to his room opened, and he choked on his sobs, desperately trying to silence them. 

"Lixie? You awake?" A voice, Felix identified as Jisung, questioned quietly. Felix didn't make any noise, pretending to already be asleep. 

"I guess not." Jisung’s voice crept closer, until Felix felt the mattress dip down, presumably from Jisung sitting on it. "Y'know, even if you are asleep, I hope you know that we all love you. I know you hate it when we take care of you, and I can't figure out why for the life of me, but we really do love you." Jisung stopped talking, his breath the only noise in the dark room, before he finished speaking, "Anyway, I hope you sleep well, see you tomorrow baby." 

Felix’s cheeks heated up at the nickname, and he had a feeling Jisung knew he wasn't asleep.

6th sense, he guessed. 

Jisung stood up from Felix’s bed, presumably to go to bed himself. Felix listened to his roommate shuffle around, probably trying to find his charger to plug in his phone. 

Felix waited until the shuffling stopped, before he quietly crept into the bathroom down the hall. 

Flipping on the light, he surveyed the damage sobbing did to his face and how long it would take to de-puff. 

Honestly? The damage was pretty bad. 

Sighing, he splashed his face with cold water, trying to rub the salt out of his eyes. He then brushed his teeth and did his nightly skin routine (breakdowns are no excuse to forgo skin routines). 

He did his business, and made his way back to his bedroom, the pain in his wrist starting to reaper. 

Now that he thinks about it, he left his ice pack on Chans bed. Oh well, it's too late to go get it now, he'll just go without and take an extra pill. 

Walking through the doorway, he bumped right into something. Well, someone. 

"Careful Felix." Minho chided him, reaching a handout to steady him. 

"Minho Hyung, what are you doing in my room?" Felix asked after getting his bearings. 

"Chan sent me to give you the ice pack you left in our bedroom," Oh, that gets rid of that problem. "But it was kinda melted, so I got you a new one, and- hey, have you been crying?" Minho stopped mid-sentence and asked, taking in Felix's bloodshot eyes. 

"Would you believe me if I said no?" Felix tried to joke. 

"Uh, no." 

"Well, at least I tried." 

"Why were you crying? What's wrong?" 

Felix sighed. "It’s nothing hyung, promise. I'm just a bit stressed." He lied again, and this time it somehow came out easier. 

Minho furrowed his eyebrows in concern. "That's not a good thing Felix." 

"I know hyung. But I'm really tired and I'd like to get some sleep before we have to get up in the morning." 

"Oh right. Here," He held out the ice pack he was still holding, and Felix took it, "goodnight then. See ya in the morning Pixie." Minho kissed his forehead, before walking toward his bedroom. 

Ah, there it was again. After Minho called him "Pixie" his brain short-circuited, and his cheeks burned up. He stood in the hallway in front of his door, listening to the movie Hyunjin, Jeongin and Seungmin were still watching, trying to gather his thoughts. 

Damn classification. 


	2. Scratch That: It's VERY Difficult

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry Friends, I was high off "the dumb" while writing this chapter

Mornings in Stray Kids’ dorm were always... fun, to say the least. 

Usually, it consisted of three pots of coffee, one missing shoe, and a lot of screaming. 

This time, Felix slept in. Unintentionally, of course. He slept through his alarm, like a rookie would.

Life hated him right now, it seemed. 

"Felix! Get your ass out of bed! We're gonna be late for your doctor’s appointment!" Chan screamed at him, pulling his covers completely off. 

Felix groaned, putting his pillow over his head in hopes to catch a few more moments of shut eyes. 

"Not gonna happen." Chan scolded, taking his pillow away as well. 

He sat up, half asleep. His mind was slow to catch on to what was making Chan so urgent. 

He wanted to scream in frustration, remembering that he had a doctor's appointment today. Though it was probably a good thing, his wrist was throbbing from the second he woke up. 

What time was it anyway? 

Checking his phone through blurry eyes, the time read 9:08 AM. 

No wonder Chan was so worked up. 

He swung his legs over the side of the bed, moving to stand up. Once he stood up, he almost fell back down. 

Fuck Iron deficiency, honestly. 

He steadied himself before pulling out clothes for the day. Biting his lip, he quickly found his first problem of his day. 

How was he supposed to get dressed? He couldn't get dressed last night, he doubted he can get dressed today. 

He didn't want to inconvenience anyone though, he hated asking for favors. 

Minho came in his room, taking note of his dilemma. "Chan told me to come get you. Do you need help getting dressed?" He asked. 

"Yeah, that'd be great." 

Minho grabbed the clothes Felix was holding out of his grasp. 

"Arms up." He commanded; a command Felix was quite growing accustomed to (something he definitely should not be).

He lifted his arms, and Minho took his shirt off, immediately replacing it with a clean one. 

He pulled down Felix pajama pants after and bent down holding the new pair open for Felix to step into. 

Blushing madly, Felix held onto Minho's shoulders and stepped one foot into the pants, the other soon following. 

Minho pulled the pants up his legs and thighs and buckled them when they rested at his hips. 

Felix knew that Minho, like the rest of the group, had a natural instinct to do these things and care for people, even if they weren't Littles. Unfortunately, Felix was a Little, and being taken care of constantly had side effects. 

And _yes_ , Felix constantly had these types of thoughts. 'I am a Little, unfortunately' 'If it were any other person, it would be different' 

It can get quite repetitive. 

But such is life. History repeats itself even. Repetition is the only way to maintain habits or life mottos. 

Though Felix couldn't be sure if constantly worrying about exposure is a good motto or not. 

Minho finished dressing him, giving his bum a pat (a habit of his) and leaving the room. 

Felix made his way to the bathroom -after taking a pain pill- to use it and do a quick morning skin routine. 

Running to get his shoes, he sat down and tried to put them on. This brings him to problem #2. 

You know by now what's going to happen. 

Hyunjin put the shoes on Felix and tied them, finishing the last thing they had to get done so they could leave. 

Running to the elevator, they made it just in time before it closed. The rest of them made room in the cramped space, not saying a word. Everyone was still half-asleep, and their coffee highs had yet to kick in. 

Speaking of which, Felix missed out on his daily cup 'o' joe. 

Well. 

Now he had to look forward to his coffee-deprived intrusive thoughts and jittery limbs. 

Not a good combination for nerves and anxiety, if he does say so himself, which he does. 

The elevator descended downwards to the first floor, and Jisung hummed 'Hellevator' from behind him, because he's a nerd like that. 

Everyone snickered at it though, because, well, _everyone_ is a nerd here. 

The elevator opened and they all pushed their way out, almost creating a bottleneck. 

Just like yesterday, Jisung, Hyunjin, and Jeongin raced toward the car. This time, however, Jeongin grabbed Felix's hand, forcing him to run with them, which Felix indulged. 

Hyunjin won. 

He opened the door for the others to file in, a rule they all had for whoever reached the car first. 

Felix sat near a window on the back seat with Jeongin on his right and Jisung in front of him.

Though they had a company car that they used quite often, they also had a private car they could use whenever they needed it, without having to call the company to get a driver for the day. 

Everyone else arrived shortly after, climbing into the car and Hyunjin climbed in closing the door behind him.

On Jeongin’s right were Changbin, and Minho on the last spot to Changbin’s right, next to the other window. On Jisung’s right sat Seungmin, then Hyunjin in the passenger seat, and lastly Chan in the driver's seat.

Chan started the car, backing out of the parking garage skillfully. Originally, today was supposed to be an off day, but Felix had a doctor's appointment and the others decided they wanted to go places other than home today. 

Which also meant multiple stops. Luckily, most of them were on the way to the hospital. 

Seungmin wanted to get dropped off at the library to return some books and get some more. 

Hyunjin and Minho were going to a cat café and to the library to meet up with Seungmin afterwards. 

Changbin and Jisung were going to get a new hoodie at a small, quaint store they frequented that had good quality goods.

Which left Jeongin, Chan and Felix to go to the hospital. 

Which is where they were now. 

"Ok then," Chan began, after parking the car. "Let's get a move on." Jeongin and Felix followed after him, not knowing where they were going themselves and trusted their hyung to lead them. 

At the reception desk, Chan did the speaking. "We're here for an appointment under the name 'Lee Felix'." He told her, and she immediately checked her appointment book. 

"Go to the third door on the left, room 14, 'Dr. Kim'. There'll be about a ten-minute wait." She directed them, and Chan thanked her before putting his hands at the small of their backs to lead them. 

If Minho liked to "affectionately" pat their bums, Chan liked to ground them and himself while leading them in this way. 

They sat on the seats provided by the hospital to wait for the doctor. 

12 minutes later, door 14 opened and their names were called. 

"Appointment for 'Lee Felix'?" Chan nodded. "That's us."

The doctor smiled a warm smile, "I'm Dr. Kim," and held his hand out to shake theirs. Chan and Jeongin obliged, but Felix shook his head, lamely gesturing at his hand, and avoided eye contact with the new stranger.

"It says here that a sprained wrist needs to be looked at?" Dr. Kim clarified, eyeing Felix's swollen hand. 

"Uh, yeah." Chan gestured at Felix who was blushing at the attention. 

"I see." He said, amused. "What classification do you fall under, Mr. Lee?" Dr. Kim addressed him. 

"I'm a Neutral." Felix replied, looking at the man for the first time. 

He looked to be in his late 40's, but he seemed like he aged nicely, with few wrinkles or greying hair. He was about 6'1, towering over Felix's small 5'7, as well as Chan and Jeongin alike. 

At hearing Felix's quiet answer, he frowned, but quickly fixed his face to remain impassive. 

"If you'll just take a seat on the chair provided, we'll get started right away." Dr. Kim instructed, and Felix immediately jumped into the chair-ish thing in the middle of the room. To be honest, it reminded him way too much of a dentist chair. 

The thought didn't help any nerves or fear he had. 

Jeongin sat on one of the chairs in the room -an ugly hospital green, the same color as the ones they sat on in the hall- and Chan stood next to Felix, ready to support and calm him, he guessed. 

Dr. Kim took a seat on a stool that sat in front of the not-dentist-dentist-chair. 

"Ok, let's see what we have here," Felix wordless gave him his right wrist. 

"Looks like you have a pretty nasty sprain, did you fall on it?" Felix nodded. "Well, it looks like it'll take at least 8 weeks to heal," He continued, "I'll prescribe some pain killers and get you a cast for it, how does that sound?"

"That'd be great, thanks!" Chan answered for him, which Felix was thankful for. 

"I'm going to go pull up his medical records, and get a cast, I'll be right back." Dr. Kim informed them, not getting an answer back before he left the room. 

As soon as the door shut, Chan turned his attention to Felix. "Hey, are you okay? I know you don't like hospitals." Chan worriedly asked. 

Felix nodded and breathed out shakily. "Y-yeah, I'm fine. I'll be fine. We're almost done anyway." 

He lied. He wasn't fine. Ever since he came to Korea and hid his classification, he had this fear of getting hurt and being taken to the hospital, where he would slip, and they would call the authorities about him being an unlicensed Little without a Caregiver. 

It was an irrational fear, but weren't most fears irrational? 

Nevertheless, the fear had stuck with him for three years, and being here, in this room, in a _hospital_ , made them ten-fold. 

Five minutes later, Dr. Kim was back in the room, and he looked confused and concerned. Felix’s gut twisted in fear. 

Dr. Kim wordlessly sat down and started to wrap Felix's hand and wrist, giving them the Do's and Don’ts while doing so. 

"He won't be able to use his hand or wrist regularly for about 5 weeks, and I suggest going easy on it for another 3 weeks after that. The cast should stay on for at least 2 weeks, carefully handled the entire time. This sprain looks to be a grade 2 sprain, it'll take some time to heal." 

Chan had a guilty look on his face, and Felix made a mental note to reassure him later that his injury wasn't him fault. Knowing the leader, he was probably blaming himself again. 

"That being said, here is your prescription note for the pain killers. You can collect them in the pharmacy near the front of the building to the left." They stood up to leave, Felix wrist having been wrapped in a tight cast and securely sealed. 

"Wait a minute, Mr. Lee. I would like to speak to you alone." Dr. Kim stopped him before he could leave, and he sent a frightened look to Chan. 

" _We'll wait in the hall for you_." He mouthed at him, and Felix pouted. 

He turned back around to face the tall, scary doctor. 

"Sit back down. I have a few questions for you." Felix jumped back onto the rip-off dentist chair, panic seizing his chest, but he swallowed it. 

"What did you want to ask me?" He meekly asked. 

"I was looking at your medical records, and it says here," he pointed to a spot on his clipboard that Felix couldn't see, "that you were classified as a Little, 6 years ago."

Felix’s blood turned to ice. 

His eyes went wide, and he started to hyperventilate, shaking, and breathing heavy. He couldn't tell if the doctor said anything after, the blood rushing in his ears made it impossible to hear. 

His eyes welled up with tears that started flowing down his cheeks, unstoppable, but that was the least of his worries at the moment. 

They knew. They knew. They were gonna call the authorities and take him back to Australia. Lock him in a Little center, or an adoption center. 

_They were gonna take him away from his family._

" I'm sorry!" He heard Dr. Kim panic. "Should I go get your Caregivers?"

He stood up, rushing to the door, and almost opened it, but Felix stopped him with a screech. 

"No!! Don't get them." He sobbed, still shaking. He felt like his world just ended. 

Dr. Kim frowned and looked at him with confusion. 

"They're not my Caregivers," He sniffed, calming slightly, "They- they don't know." His voice got quieter with every word. 

Dr. Kim quietly walked back and sat back down on his stool. He almost looked like he wanted to comfort him but didn't dare to. 

"I'm-I'm sorry for b-breaking down." Felix quietly sniffed, too embarrassed to look at the older man. Dr. Kim wordlessly handed him a tissue, which he took with a small "Thank you." 

"Why -if I may ask- don't they know?" Dr. Kim asked softly, less like a doctor and more like a Caregiver he probably was.

"I, um, I haven't told them. Too afraid." He mumbled the last bit, but Dr. Kim caught it anyway. 

He nodded, not prying any further. "As a doctor, I recommend you slip at least three times a week for health purposes. As a Caregiver, I'm concerned. I know a good therapist if you would be interested?" He awkwardly suggested.

Felix was taken back by the kindness this stranger was showing him. "I'll think about it..." He forced a watery smile. 

"Well, if you change your mind, here is his card." He gave Felix a small, laminated card, _'Therapist for Littles'_

"And, if you ever need someone to talk to, here is my number." Dr. Kim quickly wrote down his number on the corner of one of his papers and ripped it off, handing it to Felix, who shoved both of them into his hoodie pocket. "Text me if you ever need someone to talk to."

"Is," another sniff "Is that even permitted?" He asked curiously. Dr. Kim laughed. 

"It’s not against the rules, but it's generally not recommended." He gave Felix a lopsided smile. 

"Then why did you give me it?" 

Dr. Kim studied him for a moment. "I have a feeling you will need all the support you can get." 

Felix wasn't sure what to say to that, but gave a small, shy, "Thanks" anyway. 

A moment of silence. 

"So, you're _not_ going to call the authorities on me?" Felix asked, voice still small and quiet. 

Dr. Kim raised an eyebrow. "No, it's against hospital rules to call Child and Little Protective Services if there is no evidence of abuse or anything like that."

"Oh." 

Dr. Kim squinted his eyes at Felix before his entire face lit up in eureka. He grabbed something out of the cabinet behind him, Felix couldn't see what it was. 

"Here, I figured you'd like this." Dr. Kim held out a bright red lolly, and Felix looked at it with wide eyes. 

"For me?" He asked, eyes locked on the candy, and for a moment Dr. Kim could see a glimpse of the headspace hidden behind many walls and defenses this small boy had. 

"For you. You were a good boy today; you deserve a sucker." He gave him the lolly, which he hesitantly took. 

He climbed off of the chair, ready to leave, and Dr. Kim had no intention to stop him this time. 

Last second before he turned the knob, he turned back to the doctor that hadn't moved a single inch. "You won't… tell anyone, will you?" He asked, fearfully. 

Dr. Kim shook his head. "Doctor-patient confidentiality, remember?" 

Well, that was one less thing to worry about then. With one last shaky smile at the doctor, Felix opened the door and stepped out. 

And... where was Chan and Jeongin?? Didn't they say they would wait for him in the hall? 

His phone started to ring in his pocket, and Felix pulled it out to see who was calling him. 

_'Channie hyung'_ is what the caller I.D read as. Felix swiped to answer, holding the phone to his ear. 

_"Hey Lix, you done now?"_ Chan asked from the other line.

"Yeah, just finished. Where are you guys?" Felix spoke into the receiver. 

" _We went to the pharmacy to pick up your pain pills, so we didn't have to do it on the way back."_ Made sense. 

"Ok, well, should I just go wait in the car then?" 

_"The car is locked, remember? You can go wait next to it; we're almost done. You up for ice cream after this?"_

"Uh, is that even a question? Yes, ice cream." Felix scoffed, "But I'm going to find a bathroom and I'll meet you guys back at the car in a few minutes." 

_"Sounds good, see ya in a few."_ The call ended at that, Chan not bothering to say goodbye. 

Felix started wandering further down the halls in search of a bathroom. Normally, he wouldn't want to stay in a hospital for longer than necessary, but Chan would freak if he saw his puffy tear-stained eyes. 

He finally found a public restroom, and immediately splashed his face with cold water. 

It worked a little bit, depuffing his eyes somewhat and getting rid of the still-wet tears he had. 

After he was done splashing and washing his face, he stopped to assess his physical appearance. His mental state was shitty, that was a fact, but his physical appearance didn't look too horrible. 

Slightly puffy and bloodshot eyes. Yay. 

He sighed and dried his face with the paper towels they provided, taking one more look at himself in the mirror before leaving the restroom and heading towards the front entrance of the hospital. 

Exiting the hospital doors, he stopped and searched for their black car, that, or Chan's beanie and Jeongin’s blue hair. 

After he spotted them, he made his way over and made his presence known. 

Pulling open the passenger seat, he buckled his belt and Chan started the car, driving out of the hospital parking lot and onto the main road. 

Honestly, he was surprised Innie wasn't sitting in the passenger seat, he usually jumped at the chance to do so. 

Glancing at the backseat where the Maknae sat, he quickly figured out why. 

"- I think that's a good idea, honestly." He spoke into his cell phone. 

"Mhmm." Silence. Then, "I get why you don't trust them. But it's been almost two years, I think it's about time Beomie." 

Ahh, so he was taking to Beomgyu. Beomgyu was in TXT, a boy group under Big Hit. Beomgyu and Jeongin have been friends for years, even before debut. Felix had met him before, and he was really sweet and funny.

The conversation continued, "Mm. If they want to be your Caregivers, why don't you let them?"

Felix's blood froze overhearing this. Any conversation, any mention, any talk about Littles or Caregivers from his members have Felix intense anxiety. He just hoped his heart wasn't pounding too loudly to be betrayed by Chan.

Speaking of Chan...

" -lix! Felix!" He was calling his name, trying to get his attention. 

" _Huhwhatdidyouasksomething_?" He spoke in a panicked rush. Gosh, what's with his panicking. It really needs to stop. 

"I asked where you wanted to go for ice cream. We have about an hour of time to kill before we have to pick up the others."

"Um," He assessed what he was craving and how hungry we had before he made a suggestion. "Can we go to Rainbow Dreams?" 

Rainbow Dreams was a popular café that had the _best_ ice cream Felix had ever tasted. It was a family favorite among all the members.

"That sounds like a great idea. Why don't we just call the others and have them walk there and we can all get ice cream before going home?" Chan added onto his suggestion. 

Felix nodded eagerly, mouth already watering at the thought of the cafés famous ice cream and freshly baked cookies. 

"Here, take my phone and call the others." Chan gave his phone, already unlocked. 

Felix set about the task of calling his bandmates, starting with Minho, and ending with Changbin. 

After about five minutes of driving, they finally parked in one of the lots in front of Rainbow Dream. 

Chan stopped the car and they got out, Jeongin finally ( _finally!)_ off of the phone call with Beomgyu. 

Thank goodness for that. Felix was sick of having his stomach lurch every time he heard the words "Caregiver" or "Little" or "headspace". 

They entered through the door to the café, a dainty little bell announcing their arrival. 

The café itself looked small on the outside, but inside had a cozy, homey, and warm vibe. 

The tables were a dark walnut, and booths it sat in the middle of were color coded the colors of the rainbow. 

In fact, a lot of things were rainbow themed, hence the name "Rainbow Dreams". The curtains, the booths, the ice cream. 

Oh, the ice cream. 

Best ice cream Felix has ever been fortunate enough to taste. And he lived in Australia, ice cream was a popular cold treat. 

But nothing, _nothing_ , beat the ice cream from this small, underrated place. 

Made fresh in the kitchens of this very cafe, it had a creamy heavenly taste that was unbeatable. It was perfectly cold, but soft enough to eat without breaking a spoon. 

The flavors- that's what made it exciting. 

A flavor for every color of the rainbow, and many in-between, all with unique names and flavors

Felix's favorite, though, was a custom mix he named "Big Surprise". 

That's because, it was, in fact, a surprise. 

He came here often enough, all the staff knew him and recognized him. Every time he ordered his "Big Surprise" they would surprise him with a three-scoop mix of various ice creams and would also use him to test their new unreleased flavors, and he would always give them a review afterwards. 

This had been going on for over two years now, and Felix enjoyed it immensely. 

Besides ice cream, there was also an assortment of baked treats, including but not limited to: cakes, cookies, brownies, pastries, cupcakes, and bread. 

Along with his order of custom ice cream, he also usually got a cookie or cupcake. Snicker doodles and gingersnaps were at the top of his list. 

"Hey Felix-ah, Chan-ssi, Jeongin-ah!" The owner of the cafe greeted them, smiling warmly. 

The owner was a middle-aged woman, with eye crinkles and a small height. She made Felix feel tall, which was saying something. She was Korean American, and spoke English, Spanish, Korean, and Japanese, which was convenient for when Felix couldn't comprehend Korean on a bad day.

"Hey Jieun Noona! How are you?" Chan answered her greeting, Felix and Jeongin both waving hi as well. 

"I'm doing amazing now that my favorite customers are here!" She winked at them.

Chan waggled his eyebrows in response to her fake-flirting, to which she smirked. 

Felix laughed a bit at their antics, some of the stress and anxiety from the past two days easing a bit. 

They walked up to the ice cream display, observing all the flavors and colors it offered. 

"When you three are ready to order, go ahead and shout and I'll be out in a jiffy." Jieun said, walking into the backroom, where Felix guessed all the ice cream machines and ovens were. 

Well, he assumed based on all the sounds and clunking and timers going off. 

Chan, Jeongin, and Felix scoured over the ice cream flavors, deciding which one to get that day. Felix didn't even pretend to look at the ice cream, and instead looked through the display of cookies, all while chewing characteristically on his thumb nail.

Scanning over them, he quickly found the one he had been craving for the past few weeks, since the last time they came here. 

_Cinnamon Oatmeal raisin._

Despite the hate against raisin cookies, Felix found them delicious. 

"Hyung, you ready to order?" Jeongin came up from behind him, nearly scaring the shit out of him. 

"Uh yeah," He answered when his heart rate slowed down from his near heart attack. "Are you guys done as well?"

Jeongin nodded. "Yeah, Chan wanted to know if you needed more time or not." 

Felix scoffed. "You guys know I'm gonna order the same thing I always do." 

"True, true." 

Jeongin and Felix rejoined Chan, who looked at them observingly. That's another thing Chan did. He observed _everything_. 

"You boys ready to order?" Jieun asked from behind the counter. Seems like they didn't even have to shout for her this time. 

Chan nodded. "Uh yeah, I'll take the Red Velvet, Blue Moon, and Black Raspberry, and a Lemon cupcake," He rattled off his order, Jieun expertly writing them in her notepad. 

Jeongin cleared his throat before ordering as well. "I'll take two-scoops of cookie-dough in a waffle cone."

"Any preferred color for your cone?" 

"Uuhhhh… blue?" She nodded, adding his order to her notepad.

"I'll have my usual 'Big Surprise' and an Oatmeal Raisin cookie." He told her, and she scribbled that down as well. 

"Ok, orders will be out in about 5 minutes." 

They all went to choose a booth big enough to seat all eight of them. Their usual booth was, of course, their first pick.

Red, Orange, Yellow, Green, Blue, Cyan, Purple, Violet, and Pink; each cushion had its own respective color. Each table also had a special characteristic to it that made it unique. 

Their table had a music note character; music note napkin holder, music notes on the sides of the booth, music notes carved into the edge of the table.

Other characteristics Felix could see were clouds, raindrops, leaves, vines, and even emojis. 

Personally, Felix liked their table the best. 

Chan and Jeongin slid into their booth, Felix following last, nearest to the opening. 

Chans phone rang and he immediately picked it up. 

"Hello?" There was unintelligible gibberish from the other end. "How long?" More gibberish. "We already ordered." Now it sounded like grumbled gibberish. "Yeah yeah, ok, just get here quick. Bye." Chan hung up the phone, setting it face down on the table.

"Was that Minho hyung?" Jeongin asked, just as curious as Felix. 

"Yeah. They're on their way, they'll be here in about ten minutes." He informed. 

"Here you go!" Jieun interrupted before either of them could say anything else, giving each of them their orders. "Felix, I put in a new flavor we've been working on, tell me what you think." She winked at him and walked away.

Felix looked at his glass dish of ice cream, trying to identify the flavors before trying them. 

He could recognize two of them, but the third was unfamiliar. 

His first flavor, lemon zest, a vanilla and lemon mix with little lemon candies.

His second flavor, licorice, a black mass of ice cream with no end in sight. 

The third, and unfamiliar one. A mass of pink and blue, it looked like it had bits of marshmallow and cookie bites though it. 

And, of course, a cinnamon oatmeal raisin cookie. 

Felix picked up the music note-handled spoon (awkwardly, he was using his non-dominant hand) and took a bite of the lemon ice cream. 

A quirk he had, was to eat each flavor one at a time, and save the best for last. This time, the 'last' wasn't the best per-say, but the unfamiliar one. 

Between bites of his cookie and ice cream, he watched Chan and Jeongin eat. 

Chan, with his odd mishmash of flavors in his own bowl, was looking like he enjoyed it immensely, his lemon cupcake untouched thus far. 

Jeongin, with his blue cone and brownish ice cream, was eating it slowly, scanning his surroundings. 

A few minutes passed without conversation, all too invested in their ice cream to care, before the door opened with a jangle and the cafe was bombarded by loud voices and hoots sounding suspiciously like a flock of seagulls.

Felix turned in his seat to look at the newcomers. A yes, it was _their_ flock of seagulls. 

Jisung and Hyunjin were arguing and laughing loudly about an unknown subject, Minho and Changbin mocking them and laughing loudly in addition. Seungmin, in his usual fashion, was ignoring their antics, nose buried in a book that he read while he walked. He had his book bag on, bulging with new novels he had yet to read. 

They sauntered up to the counter, where they greeted Jieun and began looking at the flavors before ordering. 

She took their orders, writing them down in the notepad, same as she had for them. 

They all joined them at the table, already chattering loudly. 

Felix felt more comfortable in the midst of their chaos, it was something he had gotten used to and attributed to "home". 

He felt at ease among their loud bickering and ridiculous squabbles. 

He eventually zoned out while nibbling on his cookie, not paying attention to their unceasing squawks. 

"Hey Felix, you have ice cream all over your face." He was pulled from his thoughts to Minho, who was looking across the table at him with amusement. 

"Hm?" He smartly responded. 

Minho grinned. "I said, you have ice cream all over your face." 

Felix blushed a bright red, earning himself coos from his bandmates. 

"Here, lemme get it hyung." Jeongin said from his left, turning Felix’s face gently and wiping it with a wipe. 

"Where'd you even get that wipe?" He mushed out, his face in a fish-squish in between Jeongin’s fingers. 

"I always have a pack of wipes in my bag for emergencies." Chan answered from the left of Jeongin. 

That explained it. 

Jeongin un-squished his face, setting the wipe off to the side, finally done. 

"Thanks, Innie." Felix said, and attempted to grab his spoon to eat his unknown flavor. 

"Nuh-uh! That's how you got it all over your face in the first place. Let me to it hyung," Jeongin said taking the spoon from his fingers. 

Felix gave up whatever fight he had. Jeongin was right, he was terrible with his left hand, and it was starting to cramp. 

Jeongin scooped up the mystery flavor and held it up to Felix's mouth. Be opened it, and Jeongin spooned the soft treat into it. 

Flavors exploded on his tongue, and he gasped in surprise and delight. 

"Wow! That's actually really good!" He voiced his thoughts to the others, eyes sparkling in amazement. Who knew this weird-looking mishmash was actually delicious? 

"Really? Lemme try it." Changbin leaned across the table and took a bite using his spoon. He put it in his mouth, face impassive. 

"Well, it's not bad. What is it?" Changbin asked after finishing his bite. 

Minho took a bite of the unknown ice cream, analyzing it as well. 

Felix shook his head. "I don't know, Jieun Noona said it was new." 

Minho caught Jieun’s attention, and waved her over, bringing the others order with her. 

"Is there a problem?" She asked, scanning the group for any mishaps. She gave everyone their order

"What's the new flavor?" Minho asked, pointing to Felix's bowl. 

"That's a flavor we've been working on, we call it 'Little Scoop'. Felix froze. "It's specially designed for Littles and Children alike. The swirl of colors and treats in it are supposed to be eye-catching, but in reality, it's packed with minerals and nutrients." She explained, looking proud. 

"That's so cool!" Jisung spoke up. 

"So, like, it's made to be a fun disguise to get Littles and Kids to take their vitamins?" Hyunjin asked, looking amazed. 

"Yep, it's exactly that. Did you like it?" She grinned at the feedback. 

Meanwhile, Felix was still frozen. 

Nothing was going good for him today, was it? 

As soon as he realized Jieun had asked _him_ the question, he snapped out of his daze. 

"Uh, yeah, I really liked it." He answered, not as enthusiastic as before. 

"Well, I'm glad you like it!" She grinned warmly, and Felix gave her a feeble smile in response. 

"By the way Lix, what happened to your wrist?" She gestured to his wrapped hand, a concerned look on her face. 

"I sprained it yesterday in practice." He told her, smiling lopsided. 

She grimaced. "That probably hurt." She looked thoughtful. "I know just the thing! Hang on." She hurried behind the counter and started filling a small bag with something. 

Coming back, she gave him the bag. "Here, to heal faster."

Felix looked at the contents of the bag and smiled hugely. Three cookies lay there, smelling amazing. 

And, even better, they were all his favorites.

Snicker doodle, Gingersnap, and Oatmeal Raisin. 

"Thank you, Noona! This is awesome!" 

"Anytime sweetheart. Get well soon." Jieun walked back to the counter, and that's when Chan decided it was time to go. 

Everyone stood up and started heading to the car, chittering still. Did they ever stop?

The answer is no.

Chan started the car after everyone was seated and buckled Felix in the passenger seat again. 

It was about 20 minutes of driving before they were finally home, and everyone climbed out of the parked vehicle, before Chan even turned the ignition off. 

Chan shook his head fondly and unbuckled. Felix was already out of the car and on his way to the elevator. 

True to their usual fashion, Stray Kids were loud and chaotic. 

"I'm hungry!" 

"We just _barely_ ate! How can you be hungry?!" 

"What's for dinner?" 

"How about jjapchae?"

"No! I want steak!" 

Ignoring all the usual bickering, Felix made a beeline to his room. He knew that if he stayed in line of sight, they would ask how his doctor’s appointment went, and that not something Felix wanted to share. 

Well, they would ask how bad his wrist is. But Chan and Jeongin knew something else happened other than a wrist check-up. And he didn't want to deal with their pressuring to tell them what happened. 

Closing the door behind him, Felix collapsed on his plain-colored navy-blue comforter. Heaving a sigh, he lifted his arm in the air to get a good look at the new cast. 

" _Text me if you ever need someone to talk to._ " He recalled Mr. Kim saying. 

Ugh. How he _wishes_ he had someone to confide in. But that poses a huge risk that he wasn't willing to take. 

Why does he always think about this? Get caught up in his inner turmoil? It would be so much better if it would all... go away. 

Sighing dejectedly, he took his phone out of his hoodie pocket, and plugged in his earphones.

Turning on 'Break My Heart Again' by FINNEAS, he closed his eyes and tried to forget about his problems. 

~ (◍•ᴗ•◍) ~

He woke up sometime later, his music off. Probably Jisung, it's not the first time he's fallen asleep with it on and woke up without. 

Sitting up slowly, he checked the time on his phone. 

5:56

He slept for about 6 hours. Talk about a power nap. He feels like he could sleep for another 12, so going to bed in a couple hours shouldn't be too much of a problem. 

He set his phone and earphones on his bedside table and stood up, shuffling to his door. 

The door squeaked when he pulled it open, and he slowly walked to the dining room, where he guessed all the noise was coming from. 

He was met with the heavenly smell of fried chicken and the loud chattering of his bandmates, something he found comfort in. 

He came slouching in, catching the attention of everyone as the conversation halted. 

"Good morning sleeping beauty. Had a nice nap?" Changbin greeted him, pulling a sleepy Felix directly into his lap. 

He didn't protest too much, his gaze fixated on the chicken at the center of the table. 

"You hungry?" Hyunjin took notice of his stare and chuckled a bit. 

Felix blushed at being caught but nodded readily. 

"Here, kitten," Minho put a couple pieces of fried goodness on a plate and handed it to Felix. "Don't choke. You still look half asleep." 

Hmm. Seems that they are in full Caregiver mode. 

Felix tried not to let this bother him too much, brushing off the nicknames they've called him in the 10 seconds he's been here. 

He nodded nonetheless at Minho's warning, and started eating. 

While eating (messily too, might I add), he listened to the conversation start up again between the others. 

"I wouldn't mind adopting a Little someday," Jeongin wistfully started off. 

"I totally agree. We could ask the company if they'll let us adopt one?" Hyunjin put in his two cents. 

"I mean, they might. It’s unhealthy for us to go so long without taking care of someone like that." Jisung added.

"What do you mean? We take care of Felix all the time." Minho was saying it teasingly, but it nonetheless had effect. 

Felix choked on the piece of chicken he was chewing on, momentarily panicking. 

"Lix! Are you ok? I told you to be careful!" Minho both scolded and worried about him. 

He nodded, unable to verbally respond while drinking out of Changbin’s cup. 

"Please don't say that." He said after swallowing. 

"Say what?" Minho genuinely looked confused. 

"Say that you take care of me." Now that it was said, Felix really regretted it. 

"Why? Do you hate being taken care of?" Minho looked like he was starting to get angry. 

"Yeah actually, I'm not some useless baby that can't take care of himself." He frowned at the words escaping him. They don't feel like his own, but instead like someone else put them there. 

"Why would you say that? Its okay to be taken care of, and Littles aren't useless babies if that's what you're implying." Jeongin jumped into the conversation.

"That's-that’s _not_ what I meant. I meant _I_ am not a useless baby." Felix tried to amend.

"Of course you're not a useless baby Felix. Besides, you're a Neutral. Not a Little. Why do you even care anyway?" Chan cut in. 

Felix's heart sank. 

They're right. He was a Neutral. He's not a Little. He _can't_ be a Little. 

"No reason. I-it’s nothing." Felix stopped talking after that, eyes downcast. 

The others didn't try to pry a better answer out of him, and instead continued their conversation about Littles, side-eyeing him curiously. 

Felix continued to eat quietly, avoiding eye contact. 

"Honestly, Littles are so cute. Maybe it's the Caregiver in me, but whatever." Jisung was saying. 

"I agree. Kids are too, to be honest. It’s something about the innocence and purity of Littles and Children." Changbin contributed from underneath Felix. 

Chew, swallow, repeat. 

Don't think about the words circling everywhere. 

"Speaking of that, you all know Beomgyu right? From Tomorrow X Together?" Jeongin began. Everyone nodded. "Well, he finally told his bandmates he was a Little, and they asked to be his Caregivers!" He gleefully informed them.

"That's awesome! I'm happy that he finally trusts them enough to tell them something so big." Hyunjin commented. 

Chan nodded. "Makes me glad that we don't have secrets between us. Total trust is the foundation of good friendships." He said, all leader-like.

Well then.

"I think I'm going to go back to bed. I'm still tired." Felix excused himself and left the room without another word, oblivious to the concerned looks the others gave his fading back.

"Y'know, I'm getting worried about him." Minho commented after he completely disappeared.

The rest nodded solemnly. 

"I can't help but feel like he's hiding something... " Changbin trailed off. 

"It’s almost like he's… scared, of something or _someone_." Seungmin added. 

"Lately, he's been out of it a lot. Jumping and panicking a lot. Honestly, I worry." Jisung said. 

"What do we do?" Jeongin asked in a small voice.

"What _can_ we do? I mean, we can't force it out." Minho lamented. 

"Minho is right. We should just wait and see if he'll tell us himself." Chan told them. 

"What if he never tells us?" Hyunjin asked worriedly. 

"…Let's hope that he does. There is nothing else to do. Until then, watch him and make sure he doesn't go too far and hurt himself," Chan instructed them, "If he does, we might need to do something more serious."

~ (◍•ᴗ•◍) ~

Meanwhile, Felix was in his room, earphones in, music loud, oblivious to the conversation going on at that very moment. 

Honestly, he didn't know how to feel. Was he supposed to be happy his Careg— _bandmates, his bandmates_ want to adopt a Little? 

How would he feel when they decide to adopt and a Little was running around 24/7? A Little that was not _him?_

He wouldn't know how to feel. Probably feel bad, but it would be his own fault. 

Even though he said he was tired as an excuse to leave, he wasn't really ready to sleep more. 

Instead, he opened his phone and went on Twitter (using his fake fan account of course, all the members had one) to look at Stays comments and posts.

Scrolling through post after post, he caught sight of a particularly hurtful post. 

_Jiskzkids_

_Honestly, how do they even stand Felix? He says he's a Neutral, yet he acts like a Little. It’s disgusting to be frank. If he's a Neutral, why act like that? If he is a Little, why would he lie? Seriously #felixleaveskz #dontbeaclassist_

Felix's chin quivered and he scrolled down the thread.

_Replying to @/Jiskzkids_

_5tr@yk1d5_

_I agree! Its gross tbh_ _🤢_ _he's blatantly disrespecting Classification and if he does that, he should just leave. SKZ would be so much better without him. Leave SKZ! #felixleaveskz #dontbeaclassist_

_Replying to @/Jiskzkids_

_BTSTRAYKIDS_

_I've always said they would be better off without him. He should have stayed eliminated. #felixleaveskz_

Felix couldn't read anymore, sick to his stomach.

They were right, and that was the worst part. 

He should have stayed eliminated. They would be better off without him. 

And if these fans could catch his Little side making itself known, something was wrong with him. He was a Neutral. Not a Little. He will never let himself be a Little. They were right, he was acting too childish. It had to stop.

Stop being so childish. Stop acting so "little". Stop it, stop it, STOP IT! 

He squeezed his eyes shut, hands plastered on his ears, hoping again and again that doing that would keep the voices away.

It didn't work. 

They were still there. 

Whispering.

Echoing. 

Planting filthy seeds in his fragile state of mind. 

They never left. 

A tear escaped unnoticed, ripping its way down his cheek. 

He stared breathing heavily, unable to get enough air but getting too much at the same time.

He folded his legs up to his chest, eyes still closed and hands on his ears. 

Tears were escaping faster now. His mind was so _so_ cruel, repeating those hate comments without his permission. 

_"They would be better without him"_

_"He should just leave"_

_"He should have stayed eliminated"_

_"Leave Stray Kids"_

They were right, of course. He should leave. It’s not like they would miss him. 

He shook, gasping for breath. 

Jisung opened the door, probably coming to get ready for bed. 

As soon as he caught sight of Felix, his eyes widened and he ran back out, screaming for Chan. 

In Felix's hazy mind, all he could tell was that he _left. He left him_.

**_They don't want you anymore._ **

He sobbed harder. 

Suddenly, he was there. Jisung was there, and Chan and Minho were with him. 

"Breathe Felix. Breathe with me, baby." Chan's strong voice was instructing calmly. "In, out. In, out. That's it, baby, you can do it." He made exaggerating breathing motions for Felix to follow along to. 

Slowly, but surely, Felix finally had enough air in his lungs, and his sobs slowed down a smidge. 

"Can I touch you, baby?" Chan asked for his consent before making a move. 

Felix nodded mutely. 

Chan put one hand on Felix's shoulder, stopping him mid-rock, and used the other hand to gently pry Felix's shaking hands from gripping his ears and hair, being careful of his cast. 

"Are you able to speak right now, Kitten?" Minho spoke up on the other side of Chan. Felix shook his head, still curled up.

"Do you want to cuddle, baby?" Chan asked, knowing how much Felix loved cuddles. 

_No._

But he nodded nonetheless, ignoring the voice. He reached his hands, one cast bound, out to Jisung, who stood across the room to give the trio some space. 

"You want to cuddle with me, bug?" Felix nodded frantically. 

Jisung hurried over so fast he almost tripped over air. 

Gosh, he was so whipped, and he honest-to-goodness didn't know why. The small deep-voiced rapper brought out the Caregiver in him like no other. 

Jisung swept up Felix into his arms and settled back onto Felix bed, this time with a cuddle bug straddling him. 

Felix still had tear-streaked cheeks and was still shaking slightly. He sniffled every so often, letting out shaky breaths. He started chewing on his thumb, a habit of insecurity and comfort. 

"Hey baby, do you think you could tell us what happened?" Chan softly prompted. 

"M'not baby." Was the only response.

There was silence before, "You're right sweetheart. Sorry, you're not a baby." Chan apologized. "Felix, can you tell us what happened?" 

He sniffled once. Twice. 

Then, quietly answered "It’s nothing hyung. Don't worry about it." 

Chan nearly blew up. "Don't worry about it? Felix, sweetheart, you had a full-blown _panic attack_ , okay? I need you to tell me what happened." 

Felix lip almost quivered, but he held it back. He stayed silent. How was he supposed to explain his breakdown? 

How does one even _explain_ a breakdown? Like, is there a handbook or...? 

So, he said nothing, hoping his silence would be answer enough. 

"Chan, look at this. Could this be the reason?" Minho held -much to his growing fear- Felix's phone. It must've slipped off the bed when Jisung picked him up. 

Chan took the phone from Minho's grasp, reading the displayed tweet.

His face twisted up. 

_That's it. I'm as good as kicked out. He hates me. They hate me._

"Felix, is this what triggered your attack?" Chan asked carefully. He showed the screen of the phone to Felix. 

His tense body relaxed. _It’s not the whole thread. It was only one tweet._

On the screen, it showed the last tweet Felix read.

_Replying to @/Jiskzkids_

_BTSTRAYKIDS_

_I've always said they would be better off without him. He should have stayed eliminated. #felixleaveskz_

On one hand, he was relieved they didn't see the rest of the thread. On the other hand, he was still fucked. 

He nodded with a sniffle.

Well, it was a half-truth at least. 

Chan looked stricken. He nodded, pocketing Felix’s phone in his own pocket. Felix was beyond caring, knowing that Chan wouldn't violate his privacy without permission. 

Nonetheless, it was probably a good thing Chan was confiscating his phone. 

"Jisung, don't leave him until he falls asleep." Chan instructed the boy under Felix. Jisung nodded, his head just above Felix's own, who was laying with his head on Jisung’s chest, listening to his heartbeat, still chewing, and nibbling on his thumb.

"We'll talk about this tomorrow sweetheart. For now, you deserve some rest." Chan pecked Felix’s forehead, and left the room shortly after. 

Uh oh. He knew he would have to explain why he was reading hate posts, and that was never fun. 

He tried to get off of Jisung, afraid he was squishing him and being a burden, but Jisung just shushed him and held his waist tighter. 

Too spent to continue fighting, he just closed his eyes. In no time, he was asleep, falling endlessly into the black abyss. 

~ (◍•ᴗ•◍) ~

Jisung carefully crept out of his shared room and quietly pulled the door shut behind him. 

He walked to Chan and Minho's room to update him on Felix. 

To his surprise, everyone was already there. 

"Come in, Jisung. We need to talk." Chan invited him in. Jisung walked over and plopped halfway over the top on Hyunjin, who just hugged him from the back. 

"Is this about Felix?" Jisung asked. 

Chan nodded. "We're all worried about him. How is he?" 

Jisung took a deep breath. "Well, he fell asleep pretty quickly, but he was shaking the entire time. He was sleeping almost fitfully though." He worriedly updated them. 

Jeongin took a sharp inhale. "Hyungs, what are we gonna do?" He asked. 

"Whatever we can dp, Innie." Changbin answered him. 

"What _can_ we do, is a better question." Seungmin said. 

"Well, what I said before, about just keeping an eye on him and making sure he doesn't go too far? Well, we're past that now," Chan said, "He had a _panic attack_. Because of a hate post." He shook his head sadly.

"I think we can safely say that we're way past just 'keeping an eye on him'." Minho added. 

Hyunjin nodded. "I don't think we have a choice but to take things into our own hands. Does he even realize what he's doing to himself?" 

Chan shook his head. "No, we can't babysit him. He's a full-grown adult and should be treated as such." Chan hesitated, " _However_ , I think it's necessary to keep a closer eye on him. I do know that I'll be confiscating his phone until further notice, it's too risky to give it back when he's in this state of mind." 

"I think that's a good idea." Minho commented. 

"So, it's settled then? Just... watch him, and make sure he doesn't try something like this again?" Jisung asked.

China nodded. "Exactly. I want someone with him constantly. Doesn't matter where he goes, I want someone to be there, just in case." 

They all nodded. Chan was the leader, what he says, goes. 

They all sat in silence for a moment longer, contemplating the problem they all faced. 

"Go to bed guys, we still have a schedule tomorrow." Chan broke up the gathering, shooing the younger ones out of the bedroom. 

Jisung was the last one out, stopping and turning to Chan. 

"Actually, can we talk real fast?" He asked apprehensively.

Chan nodded. "Sure." He and Jisung stepped out into the hall, alone. 

"I-I'm not too sure this is what we should do." Jisung began. 

Chan frowned. "Explain. What do you mean?" 

"Well, um, I've noticed Felix, he... he almost becomes _more_ panicked, when we watch him closely. He, it's like he doesn't _want_ us to get too close to him." Jisung stutteringly said. 

"I get what you mean, I've noticed it too. But we can't let that stop us. _Because_ that's what he doesn't want, it might be what he needs." Chan explained. 

Jisung nodded solemnly. "I understand. I'm just so _worried_. That's my bandmates, my twin, my _best friend._ It hurts me to see him so scared." Jisung’s eyes welled up with tears. 

Chan embraced him, holding him tightly. "I know Sungie, I know. We'll help him, I promise." 

Jisung just cried quietly on Chan’s shoulder. 

"Let's go to sleep Sungie. We both need it." Chan softly told him, before pulling away. "I trust you to look after him while he sleeps, ok? Can you do that for me?" 

Jisung nodded. 

"Goodnight Sungie, I love you." Chan kissed his forehead before returning to his room, leaving Jisung to his own bedroom, exhausted from the day and nervously anticipating the day to come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, to start off, thank you for reading this mess of a fic. 
> 
> Secondly, I have a shit ton planned, and idk how long it'll take me to write it all. 
> 
> Just to clarify; the first several chapters with have Felix going through a tough time, mentally, physically, and emotionally. So, I apologise for any sudden burst of tears or random thoughts I wrote, but the main reason why is because it's a hard time for him. 
> 
> To be honest, I wasn't sure if I was gonna keep this chapter. But I need it for the plot, so whatever I guess. 
> 
> Thank you all for reading, hopefully I'll have chapter 3 out soon.


	3. Insanely Difficult

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long everyone!  
> Happy (late) New Year!
> 
> It occurred to me that I haven't been putting trigger warnings on the chapters, and I'm going to start doing that. 
> 
> TW: small panic attacks 
> 
> Chapter 4 is on the way, but it might be a while until it's done.

Life seemed to have it out for Lee Felix.

After that dreadful Thursday ended, things only seemed to get worse for him. 

Firstly, Chan confiscated his phone, saying it was too risky to give it to him when he had this state of mind. 

Which meant he didn't have his music, which was something he used as a crutch more often than not. 

Chan seemed to understand that though, and would let Felix use his phone for music, but it wasn't _Felix's_ music, so it wasn't the same. 

Secondly, everyone seemed more focused and aware of him than ever before. Not only that, but they also never left him alone. Never. It was getting very hard to keep up a front of "perfect mentality" while they scrutinized every move he made.

They followed him _everywhere_. The kitchen to get a drink, his room to get something, the living room to sit down, _the fucking bathroom to pee_. It was nauseating. 

Thirdly, his cast was making being independent very very difficult, more difficult than it should've been. 

Bumping it on everything, unable to use it for _anything_ , constantly being helped and being babied for it. 

All this went on for a week straight before Felix snapped. 

Before we get to the part of the snapping, let's see what happened leading up to it. 

Day one: Friday.

Woke up in day one, Felix realizing he slept in. 

Again. 

Hopefully, this doesn't become a habit.

But this time it didn't seem like his fault. It almost seemed like... his alarm didn't go off?

Though still half asleep, his brain was fully awake and was slightly confused by this conclusion. Why is his alarm off? He set it, didn't he? 

Oh, wait. He didn't, did he?

Remembering last night's events, he couldn't recall setting an alarm. Even if he did, didn't Chan take his phone? 

He got up, rubbing his eyes with his left hand, his right one unable to do much good due to the bulky cast. 

He pulled himself to his feet, going to his dresser and trying to get ready for the day. 

Key word: _trying_.

He got stuck in his shirt. His motor control seemed to have taken a vacation this morning. 

He wandered blindly into the kitchen where he hoped at least one of his bandmates were, trying to find help. 

Bumping into no less than three walls and a door jam, he finally entered the kitchen. 

"Helfp!! Someonfe, anyonfe, hewp!" He called out, unable to see anything. 

Unfortunately, in his blind crusade to get help, he didn't see 6/7 members stifling laughs and taking pictures of his predicament. 

Chan came from the back room, hearing the calls and coming to see the problem. He saw Felix, the poor boy, stuck in his shirt and calling for help, his jeans unbuttoned, and the others across the room laughing as quiet as they could while taking pictures. 

His face twisted up in confusion, and he almost asked what was going on, but he decided he was better off not knowing. 

Sighing, he walked over to Felix, helping him fix his shirt right and button his jeans. 

"Thanks, hyung, I thought I was a goner!" He said with a serious expression. 

He caught sight of the rest of them laughing, however, and his face contorted with betrayal. 

"Jisung! I trusted you!" He said to his twin. Jisung just laughed harder. Felix rolled his eyes and left to get a pair of socks. 

Chan sat down at the table, drinking his nearly black coffee. Everyone sat back down, chittering and still laughing at Felix. 

When Felix came back with a pair of socks in his left hand and sat down in his designated seat with a cup of coffee and a bowl of sugary cereal, he looked at all of them, then back at the clock.

"Why didn't you wake me up sooner? We're late for practice." He asked, taking a bite of cereal. 

"Our practice time was pushed back because they accidentally double booked for this morning with the choreographer. We let you sleep in." Changbin answered, eating an apple. 

Felix nodded, satisfied with that answer.

He continued eating, even more sloppily and messy than usual. He was using his left hand as best as he could, but his entire arm didn't want to respond to his commands, much less his fingers and wrist. After spilling it for the fifth time, he gave up on cereal and just drank his coffee. 

"Don't forget to take your medication Felix." Chan reminded him. Felix nodded and made a mental note to take them later. 

After he was done with his coffee and cleared his bowl and mug, he sat down and attempted to put on his socks and shoes. 

Much like the shirt, it just wasn't working. 

His fingers weren't responding, his legs weren't cooperating, and his frustration grew. 

"Stupid sock!" He yelled, throwing the piece of innocent material across the living room, not making it very far due to his weak throw. 

"Yeah, that'll work. Blame the sock." Jisung mocked him, picking up the sock and kneeling near Felix's feet. 

He gently put the sock on Felix's small feet, then doing the other one. The shoes followed. 

Felix pouted the entire time.

"Don't pout, bug. Your face will get stuck that way." His hyung-by-one-day teased him. 

Felix just swatted him away. Instead of leaving, however, Jisung plopped down on top of him. 

Felix huffed, suddenly getting squished by a 60 kg squirrel. 

"Shush your face and let me cuddle you." Jisung said sassily. 

Felix rolled his eyes but let the overgrown squirrel have his way. A couple minutes later, however, his leg started to fall asleep and he had to protest to his twin. 

"Sungie! If you're gonna cuddle me, do it right. My leg is going dead!" He hissed in Jisung’s ear. 

"Alright, fiiiiinnnnneee." Jisung moved himself off of Felix and reclined on the rest of the couch, resting his head on Hyunjin’s lap. 

Felix pulled in an exaggerated breath, faking his near-death. Before he could do complete his dramatics, he was pulled down to lay on top of Jisung, his head resting on the others chest. 

It was almost the same way they cuddled the night before. It was a nice position, and certainly a lot better when you didn't just have a mental breakdown.

Though, a lot of things were better when you didn't just have a meltdown. 

Hyunjin started softly petting Felix's hair, and he swears he nearly ascended. Both of his hyungs were giving him attention and love, and he was in the perfect position to fall asleep.

He just felt so _small_ and _loved_. 

And it was wrong. 

Warning bells went off in his head. 

_You don't deserve their attention or love_ , His fatass of a demon spoke in his mind. 

And Felix knew, even if it hurt, that it was right. 

He didn't deserve it. They will all eventually hate him, especially for taking all the attention and love. 

How could he be so _stupid_ and _selfish_.

Stupid _stupid_ greedy idiot. You don't deserve this feeling. 

He pushed himself off of Jisung’s chest, pulling away almost too quickly. 

_Don't make it obvious, it'll look like you're selfish for wanting attention just because you have mental health issues_. He reprimanded himself sternly. 

"Hey, where're you going?" Jisung asked sadly. "I was so comfy!" 

A sharp pain stabbed Felix in the heart, but he didn't show it. "I need to go to the bathroom," He lied. "Sorry, Sungie. We'll cuddle later." Apologizing, he nearly ran form the room. 

"Don't worry Sungie, I'll cuddle you instead!" Felix heard Hyunjin offer to cheer Jisung up. 

_Of course, he'll be alright. They have each other, they don't need me._

He locked himself in his room instead of the bathroom, however, not wanting to take up one of the utilities for his selfish needs. 

He nearly fell asleep, letting his mind go blank, which was surely a better alternative than to dwell in negative thoughts. 

About an hour later, however, his door swung open and there stood Jisung. 

"So, this is where you disappeared to! Chan said it’s time to go. He's not in the best mood, so I would hurry up if I were you." 

That got Felix moving. Chan is a great leader, but once in a while he gets in a bad or stressful mood, just like everyone does. And when he does, it's better to stay out of his way unless you want to get your feelings hurt. 

He always apologizes for what he said later on, and he has been working on his mood swings, trying to get them under control, but it still happened. 

Jisung and Felix ran out of the door, barely catching the elevator in time. 

Hallway, car drive, roads. A system, a path they took nearly every day. 

They arrived at JYP main building in no less than 50 minutes. 

They all basically rushed to their main practice room, not wanting to keep the choreographer waiting longer than they had to. 

They were still late by five minutes though. 

They all bowed respectfully to him when they finally arrived and started warming up. 

"Ok guys, this is what we'll be learning today." The choreographer quickly and precisely went over a set of dance moves. 

Afterwards, he talked them through it and showed it to them step by step, Felix getting the most help. He just couldn't pick it up, his limbs failing him and going places they shouldn't. 

After the steps were memorized, they slowly improved and polished their timing and synchronization. 

After they had completed that, close to three hours later, the choreographer left them to work on it themselves. 

By now, they were all tired and in a bad mood. 

And yet, Chan made them haul themselves up and do it again, and again, and again, and again, until he was satisfied. 

Felix was progressively getting worse as time went on. 

His limbs weren't listening to him, his head was pounding, he kept doing the wrong steps. 

The song ended for the hundredth time, and Felix nearly collapsed, gasping for breath. 

"Again," Chan demanded, starting the song over. 

They knew better than to argue when Chan was in one of his moods. 

They pulled themselves up off the ground, getting into the right position. 

Chan pushed play, and they all moved their limbs to the notes, in sync. 

All except one. 

Felix was having trouble getting his legs to move in the right place at the right time, and he was the only one who was having a hard time staying in rhythm with the others. 

Chan stopped the music in the middle, halting everyone in their steps. 

"Felix, everyone is trying as hard as they can to do it right, but you can't even do the right step. I know you can do better than this. Try again." He called Felix out on his lack of progress. 

His eyes filled with tears without his permission. 

"You're right, I'm not trying hard enough. I'm just a failure." 

"Wait no, Felix that's not what I said-" 

"I'm sorry, guys." And with that, Felix ran out of the practice room. 

Chan stood in silence, stunned. 

"You messed up hyung." Minho scolded him. 

"I know." Chan sighed dejectedly. 

"You should go apologize hyung. You know how he gets sometimes." Hyunjin told him. 

"I know." He sighed again. "Practice is over for today guys. I have to go find Felix before he hurts himself."

Chan ran out of the room, presumably in the direction Felix went. 

He wandered around a bit, roaming the halls in search for any sign of the younger. 

As a last idea, he went to 3racha studio, hoping to find Felix there. He wasn't anywhere else, and Chan was beginning to get desperate. 

He knew Felix also didn't have his phone, so he was unable to contact him or vice versa. 

He opened the door to his studio; glad it was unlocked. If it was unlocked that meant Felix could've passed through here: only the Stray Kids members know the password to 3racha studio. 

And he always remembered to lock the studio. 

Underneath the Chan's very own desk, he heard sniffles and muffled sobs. 

The room was dark, save it for the small dim lights on the equipment, proving they were plugged in.

Chan flipped on the lights, and the sniffles stopped. 

He softly walked over to his desk, making no big movements.

He knelt slowly and peeked under the wooden desktop. 

There he was head between his legs and shaking slightly. 

"Lixie?" No answer. "I'm sorry for what I said. Please forgive me." He got sniffles in response this time, but he wasn't sure did he should count that as a bonus or not. 

Chan sighed and sat down next to Felix under the desk. "Kinda squishy under here, isn't it?" 

Felix peeked at him from above his knee, eyes wide and teary. 

Chans heart hurt looking at him. He looked like a sad, scared child, lost and confused. 

Chan's inner Caregiver was just _screaming_ at him to comfort him. 

So that's what he did. He softly pulled Felix into his side, softly patting his hair. 

"You know, I was really excited when the company told me you were coming." Felix didn't say anything, but Chan knew he was listening. "I was so _so_ happy that another Australian trainee was coming. _Finally_ , I would have someone to talk to who knew what I was talking about.

And when you came, I couldn't be happier to meet you and show you around. I know from that moment, _we were gonna be best friends_."

Felix had stopped sniffing, listening completely. 

"And you know what?" Chan asked. 

"What?" Felix finally spoke, but Chan concealed his excitement, continuing his story instead. 

"I was right. You became my best friend, my little brother, my right hand man." Chan kissed Felix's temple. 

"Really?" He brokenly croaked out. 

Chan grinned. "Really. I love you Lixie. Really and truly." 

"I love you too, Channie hyung." Felix said and hugged Chan back. 

Chan grinned bigger than before, happy his words got through to the younger. 

"Before we go home, can you tell me what was wrong back in the practice room? I'm sorry, I should've asked if you were okay instead of scolding you for not being good enough." 

"I've just had a hard day. My limbs aren't responding to my brain and sometimes it hard to even stand up and-" He sniffed. "I'm sorry. I'll try harder tomorrow."

"Don't apologize for having a bad day Lix. I have my bad days too, and today wasn't a good one for anyone." Chan told him truthfully. 

"Come on Lixie, let's go home." He said after a few minutes of softly rubbing Felix back and hugging.

"Okay." They climbed out from under the desk, leaving the studio after turning off the lights and locking the door. 

Felix walked along side Chan, still trying to get his emotions under control. 

Did Chan mean all those things he said? Really?

Or did he say them so Felix would stop crying and he could go home? 

Even if the words Chan said were sincere in the purest form, Felix couldn't help but think he was lying. 

_If only he knew what I really was._

Chan wouldn't love him then, would he? 

None of them would.

 _No one will love you_ , A voice told him. 

And he listened. 

The others were already in the company car, waiting for them so they could all go home. 

Chan and Felix climbed in and sat in the seats saved for them without a word. 

The car started moving and they were on their way home. 

Soon enough, though, everyone was laughing and playing around as usual, the previous events forgotten. 

Felix got to the shower first, however. 

"Mind if I join you today?" Hyunjin peeked his head through the door when Felix was trying to undress. 

"Yeah sure, but only if you help me get this fucking shirt off," He agreed, grunting with effort. 

Hyunjin laughed but went inside and locked the door behind him. 

He helped Felix take his shirt off with all the gentleness of a new father. 

Felix could practically taste the Caregiver-ness roll off of Hyunjin in waves, and it made it hard to think of anything but how it would feel to let Hyunjin take care of him completely. 

Gosh, it would probably be the best thing to ever happen. 

He shoved, just really _shoved_ , those thoughts out of his head. He can't go down the path of fantasies. 

After Hyunjin helped him out if his jeans and boxers, and after Hyunjin stripped, they both climbed into the shower. 

They showered quickly, Hyunjin washing both his and Felix's hair, and Felix tried his best to wash himself without help. 

They got dressed, Hyunjin helping Felix for the third time. 

They parted ways afterwards, Hyunjin going to his room and Felix to his. 

Without his phone, he was pretty bored. His Xbox was in the living room along with the TV, and he didn't have any books he wanted to read. 

Laying in his bed, he just blanked off, his brain tired from the day that had passed. 

A soft knock rang from his closed bedroom door, and he sent a soft, "Come in," and the door opened. 

None other than Yang Jeongin peeked his blond hair through to crack, smiling. 

"Hyung? I wanted to give you something." Jeongin said, his fox-shaped eyes twinkling. 

Felix sat up, intrigued. "Uh, sure?"

Jeongin came the rest of the way inside his room, closing the door behind him. 

He held a wrapped box in his hands, and honestly Felix was surprised at the amount of effort Jeongin put into it. He didn't know Jeongin could wrap presents.

As if Jeongin read his mind, he laughed, "Seungmin wrapped it for me." 

"Yeah, that makes a lot more sense." Felix ah'd. 

Jeongin sat down on the bed, still holding the gift. "I know you've been having a bad day, so I decided to get you something to cheer you up," Jeongin handed him the gift, "I hope you like it." 

Felix took the gift, touched by his dongsaengs thoughtfulness. 

Ripping the wrapping paper unceremoniously, he opened the box to see a large, stuffed, soft cat. 

Softer than a new blanket, and half the size of his upper body, Felix was speechless. 

"Innie, this is adorable... thank you so much!" He threw himself on to the younger, hugging him tightly. 

Jeongin hugged back, just as tight, whispering a small "You're welcome," into the shell of Felix's ear. 

They pulled apart. "Also, Chan sent me to tell you dinner is ready." 

"Let's go then," Felix grinned, in a much better mood. 

They both walked hand-in-hand to dinner, the cat plushie safely laying on Felix’s bed. 

Two hours later, Felix was climbing into bed. He pulled the covers over him, hugging the plushie Jeongin gave him, and deciding right then and there, that he will never sleep without that cat. 

Day Two: Saturday

Felix and the others were out of their dorm and in the elevator a whole 4 minutes ahead of schedule. 

A record. 

Waking to the company van, the chilly morning air made Felix miss his cat plushie, Adrien, even more than before. 

And _mayhaps_ he named the plushie after a certain Paris cartoon...

To be completely honest with himself and the readers, he _almost_ hid it in his bag before they left. 

I think it's safe to say he's attached. 

Jeongin gave it to him, and _oh man it's the softest thing ever-_

Ahem. Enough about a stuffed toy, no matter how soft and plushie and cuddly and- 

Felix shook his head, getting the fantasies about staying home and cuddling with Adrien to disappear.

They all sat in the company van, a bit crowded, but that wasn't necessarily a bad thing. 

Currently, Felix had his head shoved into Minho's neck, trying to catch a couple more Z's. 

He knew they had to film today, something he knew would be tiring.

When was it not?

He didn't know where they were going, however. That part was a surprise, like it always was. 

The staff told them what they would be doing that day while they drove to wherever they were going. 

"Today, we're doing something Stay suggested a while ago, and we thought it over and decided it would be a good idea." Their manager started, "Today, you'll volunteering at a Little adoption center." 

"There will be three games, and each game gets you a meal. Simple, and as usual, the prize is food." Another one of the staff said. 

"You will be told more when we arrive. In the meantime, we can play for side dishes and drinks."

While the others happily and enthusiastically played the side games, Felix wasn't sure what to think. 

They were going to a Little adoption center?

Felix felt sick. It’s like life was giving him a preview of what he'll become when they kick him out. 

All Littles without Caregivers go to adoption centers; they provide food, shelter, necessities, and the care all Littles need to survive. 

What if the others find a Little they like, and adopt them? What if Felix is forced out, even if they don't know his real classification? 

They won't want to care for him like they do now, even if they don't know his classification, if they have an actual Little to care for. 

What if... what if even if they knew his classification, they would still adopt a different Little? 

What if they didn't kick him out, but instead ignored him? 

He won't be able to handle that. 

"Felix! It’s your turn." He shook himself out of his spiraling thoughts, participating in the game they were all playing. 

They won (simple games of cham-cham-cham and rock-paper-scissors), and the staff gave them a side dish and a drink to have after the day was over. 

Their manager told them it would be about ten more minutes before they arrive, and they were left to themselves to chatter. 

Ten minutes of excited chattering from the Caregivers, and ten minutes of silence from the freckled aussie. 

The minutes passed, and every mile they drove made Felix's anxiety spike. 

When they finally arrived, Felix was terrified. 

The building was bright, with a large playground on the grass in front of it. It looked warm and welcoming, not at all like a prison or school (same thing) Felix was subconsciously expecting. 

He relaxed a tad. 

"Alright, everyone out!" Their manager spurred them on. 

They climbed out of the company van, gathering at the front so their manager can tell them what they'll be doing. 

Before the manager could get a word or, the door to the adoption center opened and a strong bodied woman came out, heading towards them. 

"Welcome Stray Kids! You are Stray Kids, right? When I got a call asking if you could come and volunteer here, I was so happy. The Littles are so excited to meet you guys, some of them are Stays, you know." She happily announced. 

"Hello miss," Their manager greeted for them. "Yes, we come from JYP Entertainment. I was just about to tell them what they'll be doing today. Would you like to join us?" 

"Of course, of course!" She happily bounced towards them, standing near their manager, in front of them. 

"Ok boys. Today, you'll be volunteering and playing with Littles and Children. Here's the main goal: several of these Littles and Children have had little keys given to them. You must pass the test they give you to get the keys. Whoever gets the most keys by the end of the day, wins." Their manager debriefed them. 

They began talking excitedly, anticipating it already. 

The lady clapped her hands, and they all quieted. "I will be there for supervision everyone. These Littles and Children are in my care, and if you hurt them, I hurt you." She smiled sweetly. 

Felix shivered. Remind him not to get on her bad side. 

They all gulped and nodded solemnly. 

"Now that that's out of the way, let's go!" 

They strode to the double doors, and miss lady pushed them open. 

The first thing they registered was noise. 

Noise, loud, booming. 

Littles were running everywhere, shouting, playing. They were playing with cars, legos, and an assortment of blocks of all types. 

Littles and Caregivers, playing quietly. Littles out of headspace, reading quietly. 

Running to and from, with boundless energy unknown to the Caregivers. 

Over 20 pairs of eyes turned when the doors flew open, observing the newcomers. 

Felix wasn't sure what to do, now that (most) of the attention was on them. 

Does he wave hi? Introduce themselves as Stray Kids? Runaway screaming? 

To be honest, he was leaning towards the last choice. 

But the cameras were rolling, the staff was ready, and the show must go on. 

Taking a deep breath, he got into position and introduced himself with the rest of his group. 

After they were done, miss lady explained to the staff and Littles what was happening today. 

Felix kinda zoned out in the two minutes it took, instead observing the Littles in front of him. 

Two of them (they looked like they were twins) sat on one Caregiver staffs lap, suckling peacefully on their pacifiers. They looked entranced by what the lady was saying. 

Another one was in the back, playing quietly with cars and trains. Another Little played with Legos next to him. 

Some Littles were obviously out if headspace, listening attentively, and altogether had a more mature look to them than those in headspace. 

One Little, however, caught Felix's eye more than the rest. 

He was obviously out of headspace, a sucker rolling around in his mouth, sucking on the candy as he stared unnervingly at Felix. 

He had a mischievous twinkle in his eye, and a smirk set on his face. 

Felix shivered at the stare the Little was giving him. 

It was probably nothing, just Felix being paranoid again. 

"The game will begin in 3," Felix snapped out of his thoughts. "2," He looked at his members and caught the determined look in their eyes. "1. Go!" As their manager said go, they took off running, the Littles clapping gleefully and chasing after them. 

Felix got his head in the game, thinking through the instructions given, searching the rooms one by one, a cameraman following him and filming. 

Find the keys, complete the missions, earn the food. 

Find the keys, complete the missions, earn the food. 

Find the keys, complete the missions, earn the food. 

Find the keys, complete the missions, earn the fo-

Felix caught something out if the corner of his eye, and he immediately did a double-take. 

Because there were no obvious hints to where the keys were hidden or which Littles had them, it was left to instinct. 

Felix's instincts weren't very strong. 

But this, however, seemed obvious. 

The same suspicious Little he saw earlier sat in a corner, observing him with mischievous aura and a fierce determination in his eyes. 

And Felix just _knew_ he had a key. 

He steeled his nerves and strode over, walking right up to the Little. 

"What a nice surprise." The Little greeted him, his voice much more velvety than Felix expected. 

He wasn't completely sure what he was expecting though. 

"I'm here for a key." He said confidently. 

"You have to complete a mission first." He said, still sitting. " _My_ mission." 

Felix gulped. He didn't like the way he said that. 

"But first," He continued. "Introduce yourself." 

"Only if you tell me your name too." 

The Little gave a sly smile. "That's not up to you." Felix frowned. 

Felix sighed. "My name is Lee Felix. I'm 20 years old. I was born in Sydney, Australia." He said compliantly. "Is that what you wanted?" 

The Little grinned. "Yes, yes it was." He stood up, brushing off his hands and the back of his jeans. 

"Let's get started," he said, before Felix could complain about the unfairness of the introduction. "Your mission is to tell me a secret you've never told anyone."

Felix had every right to be suspicious of the Little, it seems. 

He was hyper-aware of the camera behind him, recording everything. 

He frantically searched him brain, trying to find a secret that was both appropriate for the cameras, and not _that_.

It was put of the question to even _think_ about _that_ secret. Nope. Not even gonna go there. 

His brain short-circuited. A secret, a secret. . .

But what could he say? 

That he loved his dad more than his mom?

No, that was rude.

That he actually hates chocolate? 

No, he doesn't want to start a war between fans. 

It was so frustrating! The camera was rolling, catching all of this exchange. The fans and the editors would notice his panic. The fans noticed _everything_.

Not that he could complain, he loved Stay. 

"Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock." The annoying human said, smiling mischievously. 

"Ugh! Um, ok," He frantically blurted. "I've never been on a date?" 

The Little shit clicked his tongue. "Bor-ring! But fine. It counts." 

He pulled a steel key, about the size of Felix’s pointer finger (not very big then), and handed it to Felix. 

"Congrats. You passed." He cheered in tiny, overexaggerating. 

Felix decided not to take the bait the other had pulled out, and instead said "thank you," bowing slightly, and leaving. 

What he didn't catch, however, was the Littles curious stare at his retreating back, and the evil smile he had. 

Yeah. That wouldn't be the last time they saw each other. 

Felix didn't look back, deciding his best course of action was to keep going. 

The next key he encountered was kept by a Little in headspace. 

Needless to say, it was like talking to a child. 

The damn thing wouldn't focus, ignoring his questions and instead asking why he wasn't playing and if he would play with her. 

Eventually, he gave in. He sat down at her tea party, pretending to sip out of the little porcelain teacups using his non-dominant uninjured hand, all while she patted his head carefully, repeating "baby" and giggling for 12 minutes straight. 

Apparently, that's all he needed to do because after 15 minutes, she pulled a key from her pocket (pocket? She was wearing a dress. Where did the pocket come from?). The key was warm, and Felix decided it was more effort than not to ask where she had kept it. 

"Bye baby!" She called cutely when he stood up and hugged him. He awkwardly hugged back, but she didn't notice, already playing with her tea set again. 

He didn't think anything of it. 

He caught glimpses of the other members, laughing, and doing the missions given to them by the Littles for keys. 

His heart clenched a bit, but he pushed down the feeling, refusing to even acknowledge it. 

Next, he found a Little in headspace, but it seemed like their age was old enough he could actually get a straight answer out of them. 

This time, his mission was to give the mentally 5-year-old a piggyback ride.

He raised his brows but tried anyway. 

Despite a young mental age, it did _not_ mean they themselves were young or light. 

The Little was easily taller than him and weighed at _least_ twice at much he did. 

And, unfortunately, he didn't have the strength of a Caregiver. 

He tried but was unable to lift the boy.

Not to mention, the cast on his wrist made it a _helluva_ lot harder than it should be.

The boy just giggled at his efforts, laughing at his obvious strain. 

"You need some help?" Felix whirled around at the sound of Changbin’s question, sighing in relief. 

"Yes, please." He dramatically responded. 

Changbin just giggled and picked up the still-giggling Little, piggybacking him around the room while Felix watched from where he stood. 

It amazes him, time and time again, to see a Caregiver in action. 

Changbin was already strong and fit, but when his exceptional strength was added, he could easily lift 3 times his own body weight. 

They knew because they had tried in an odd experiment a couple months ago.

That was an odd day. 

But that was a story for another time, and Felix was pulled out of his thoughts when the duo came back. 

Changbin carefully let down the Little, who was laughing hysterically. 

"Him too! Him too! Baby needs a ride!" The Little pointed at a blanching Felix, yelling excitedly. 

"No, I'm fine. It’s ok, rea-AAAHHH!" He was interrupted mid-sentence when Changbin picked him up, situating him on his back. 

"Yay! Baby gets a wide too!" The Little clapped their hands excitedly, seeming to slip a bit younger judging by their sudden lisp.

Changbin started jogging around the room like he did with the Little, Felix holding onto Changbin’s defined shoulders for dear life. 

He, of course, has gotten a piggyback ride from Changbin before. All the members had. 

But this time, it felt different. 

He felt smaller. 

Changbin lifted him like he weighed nothing, and he could feel how strong he was underneath his jacket. 

It did things to Felix’s mind.

Made him feel protected, small, dependent. 

Changbin suddenly dropped him, pulling him out of whatever thought he had gone in to. 

"Ouch! Hyung, what was that for?" He complained, rubbing his butt after standing up on wobbly legs. 

"Oops! I'm sorry, I didn't realize you didn't catch yourself." Changbin apologized.

Felix just grumbled, accepting the apology. His wrist started to throb from the fall though, despite taking his medicine before leaving the dorm only two hours ago. 

He didn't say anything about it, not wanting to worry Changbin. 

"Can we have a key now?" Changbin asked the Little, who was sucking their thumb and watching them from the floor. 

"Hewe" The Little pulled a key out of their shirt pocket with their slobber-covered fingers, putting it in Changbin’s out-stretched hand. 

"Thank you." He smiled sweetly at them, ignoring the fact that the key was soaking wet in his palm. 

Felix grimaced at it. Changbin walked over and offered him the wet key, Felix making a face at it. 

"Why are you giving it to me? You did the mission." He asked, not taking the key. 

"You should have it. Technically, you would have gotten it if you had the strength of a Caregiver," He said, putting the key in Felix’s jean pocket, "But you're a Neutral. I don't think it's completely fair that you couldn't get a key just because you don't have something we have. You still deserve it." 

Felix nodded gratefully. 

"I do have a question though." Changbin spoke up again, while they walked side by side to find the next mission. 

"Shoot."

"Why did that Little call you 'baby'?" Changbin asked earnestly. 

Felix paused. To be honest, he wasn't completely sure either. "I'm not sure. Maybe they had a game they were playing that we weren't informed of?" Felix shrugged. 

Changbin looked at him a little skeptically but accepted his vague answer. 

They walked side-by-side to the next mission, Felix trying to avoid eye contact, so he didn't look suspicious. 

Though he shouldn't look suspicious, he didn't do anything. 

The next Little they encountered was in a young headspace, about 3 from what Felix could tell. 

"Hey buddy," Changbin greeted the Little that was easily taller than him (not hard to do, to be honest). "Can we have the key?" 

"No!" The Little stubbornly responded. "You hafta earn it!" 

"Ok, how do we earn it?" Felix spoke up. 

The Little pretended to think. "You. . . you, youuuu," He looked around, thoughtfully trying to find a suitable mission. He caught sight of Felix, then looked back at Changbin. His little face lit up.

"You," He pointed at Changbin with a wobbly finger, "gotta make a bottle for the baby!" He shouted gleefully. 

Changbin furrowed his brows. "What baby?" 

The Little pointed his finger at Felix. "Baby!" 

Felix sighed, trying to feign annoyance when in reality he was freaking the fuck out. 

"But Felix isn't a baby." Changbin tried to tell the defiant Little. 

"Yes, he is! He's baby! He needs to have a bottle! Take nap!" The Little shouted in retaliation. 

"No," Changbin argued back, "He isn't. Felix is a Neutral, not a Little." 

Felix inwardly flinched at his words but kept a straight face. 

"No!" The Little screeched. "Baby! He is baby! Has to have a nappie and a baba!" 

"Hey, hey, _hey_!" Felix intervened. "Listen kid, I'm not a baby." He reasoned with the mentally-3-year-old. 

The Little sniffed. "But you is a baby, and babies has to haves a baba." 

Felix sighed, but gave up. He knew, deep down, that this could go wrong _real_ fast. 

"I have to make Felix a... bottle, to get the key?" Changbin asked again to clarify. The Little nodded, looking happier, despite the sniffles from the tantrum they managed to avoid. 

"Ok, I'll go make Felix a bottle, ok?" The Little cheered. "Yay! Baby gonna get a baba!" 

Changbin gave Felix an apologetic look at left to find a staff Caregiver to find the kitchen. 

Which left Felix with the boogery three-year-old. 

He was hyper-aware of the cameraman that had filmed the entire thing, but he couldn't let it show. Luckily, there was only one cameraman now, instead of two of them, because Changbin’s cameraman had followed him out. 

If that makes sense. 

Anyway! 

Felix awkwardly glanced around the adoption center, taking in the bright sunny room and the homey decor. 

"Why you not be baby?" The Little asked suddenly. 

"Hmm?" Felix said, not paying attention the first time. 

"I say, why you not baby? You supposed to be playing with da other babies." He said matter-of-factly. 

Felix didn't know what to say. 

_'I would, but I have unsolved trauma that prevents me from regressing or even telling anyone'?_

Yeah. . . no. 

What he actually said was "I'm not a baby, little dude. Sorry." 

"Well, my daddy says people lie in defense when something is hard to talk about," The brat responded. "But I know you are a baby, so you can't lie to me."

Felix didn't know what to say to that, once again speechless. Then what the Little said fully registered in his head. 

"Wait, your daddy? I thought this was an adoption center?" He said, confused. 

"It is," Changbin replied, coming up behind him, his cameraman tailing. "But it's also a daycare apparently." 

"Anyway," Changbin continued without waiting for a response from Felix, "Here's the bottle." He handed the adult sized baby bottle that was filled with a creamy substance to Felix. "Can we have the key now, little guy?"

"Nope!" He responded excitedly. 

"Why?" Felix felt like crying. He just wanted food! Was that too much to ask for?!

"Cebause baby didn't _drink_ it!" 

Changbin and Felix exchanged looks. 

And so, they did what must be done. 

Felix took the warm bottle from Changbin reluctantly, alarm bells going off in his head. 

"Drink, drink, drink!" The Little chanted, dancing around in circles. 

He shakily raised the bottle to his lips using his uninjured hand, and hesitantly took a tentative suckle. 

Warm milk immediately flowed, and he grimaced at the taste. 

It wasn't _bad_ , per say, just- different. 

It was a _good_ different, surprisingly. It’s was actually quite good, and Felix sucked faster. 

He could only focus on the milk; the way it tasted, it's gentle warmth, the full feeling he was getting every second that passed. Maybe he didn't even need the key to get food. This was enough food right here. 

"Felix, we got the key! You don't have to drink the entire bottle." Changbin shocked him out of his half-time state of mind. 

He pulled the bottle away from his lips, ignoring his minds shouts of protest, immediately missing the feeling of sucking the delicious milk. 

He immediately looked at the camera, barely remembering it was still there. 

It was, and it had been filming the whole time. 

"Baby happy now! Drink baba!" The Little shouted, shaking him out of his realization and giving him a hug out of nowhere.

"Oh, uh. Thank you, I guess." He said. "Here," He tried to give the Little the 1/3 gone bottle that was in his hands, but the Little refused it. 

"No! Finish, then take nap!" 

"We don't have time for that, buddy. We gotta go now, bye bye!" Changbin intervened, taking Felix by his injured wrist and pulling him away before the Little could make him lay on the floor and sleep. 

Their cameramen followed close behind, but Changbin waved them off, asking them to give him and Felix a small break and some privacy. The cameramen stalked off, probably to go film some stupid spider or whatever cameramen did in their free time. 

"Ow, ow, ow! hyung, you're hurting my wrist!" Felix protested. 

"Sorry!" He let go when they were a safe distance away. "Are you ok?" 

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" 

Changbin shifted oddly. "You just. . . you looked scared when that Little demanded you drink the bottle. I just- I got worried." 

Oh. 

"Oh," Felix repeated, this time out loud. "Um, no, I'm fine. I'm ok, really." He forced a small laugh to make it more believable. 

Changbin didn't look convinced in the least, but this was a conversation they could have later. 

"Guys!" Felix and Changbin turned simultaneously, Chan running towards them. "The others have regrouped; we've been waiting for you guys." 

"Wait. Why? I thought these were solo missions?" Felix spoke up, furrowing his brows. 

"All the solo missions have been completed," Chan informed them, "all that's left are the group ones." 

"I don't remember anything being said about group missions?" Felix asked. 

"That was a secret, apparently." Chan responded. 

"Well, let's not keep everyone waiting." Changbin added, tilting his head in the direction Chan came from. 

They all walked back to the rest of the group. 

"Stray Kids!" Their manager started, "These are the last missions for today! If you complete them, you'll get the reward and a secret bonus prize!" 

"What’s the bonus prize?" Jeongin asked. 

"It’s a secret." 

Well ok then. 

"So, to keep this short, Ms. Choi will tell you what will be happening," Their manager finished. 

Oh. So that was her name. 

"Listen up everybody -yes, that includes you, Seoyoo-" the Little in question just giggled, "Today, these nice young men will be playing board games with you all, and then the day will end in story time before they go home, ok?" 

A chorus of "Ok"s rang up from the small crowd of giggling Littles. 

And so, it began. 

Firstly, Chan had about four Littles crowding him, laughing and shouting while playing a board game-- Felix was pretty sure it was called "Jumpin Monkeys" or something like that. 

Minho had a sock puppet on both of his hands, and was entertaining Littles who had wide, curious eyes.

Changbin was rocking a particularly sleepy Little, and softly talked to others who seemed a bit older and therefore intelligent. 

Hyunjin was telling a dramatic story that had all the Little laughing and gasping in delight, and even a few staff members were entertained by his over-the-top tale of Shrek. 

Jisung was playing a card game -it looked like Go-Fish- with some of the Littles, and Felix was pretty sure some of the cards the Littles held were backwards and upside down, but hey, they were trying. 

Seungmin was playing patty-cake with one teary Little girl, and she was slowly going from teary hiccups to giggles and gasps when he started playing peek-a-boo. 

Jeongin was playing with a few Little boys, about seven in total. They were playing a form of tag, but the roles were reversed, and they were all trying to tag him, as he pretended to get scared of them catching him. 

Felix watched, taking it all in, and his emotions slowly rose. 

Anger. 

Sadness. 

Fear. 

And most of all, Jealousy. 

Of all the emotions that tormented him, jealousy stood out the most. 

He was _jealous_. 

He was jealous of the other Littles, playing and laughing without a care. 

They were playing with _his_ bandmates. 

His friends. 

His family. 

And over his jealousy, grew his anger. 

Anger at what? He didn't have a reason to be angry. 

It was _selfish_ of him to feel angry, especially at a bunch of innocent Littles who have done nothing wrong. 

Despite all his inner turmoil of emotions, he could distinguish that much. He didn't reserve the right to be angry. 

And so, to somehow get rid of all the emotions swelling him, tears filled his eyes. 

Jealous and sadness swelled higher and higher, and he wasn't sure what to do. 

"Hey sweetheart, are you ok?" What? "It’s ok to play with them sweetie, I'm sure they won't mind." A staff lady was talking to him, speaking in a reassuring tone. "Are you jealous, little one? It’s ok to feel jealous, ok? But you don't have to stand here all alone." She put a soft hand on his shoulder. 

_She thought he was one of the Littles._

He sucked in a harsh breath, shoving all his overflowing emotions down, down, _down_ , to the pits of his stomach, where hopefully the acid could dispel them. 

"Oh, I'm- I'm not a Little," He finally found his voice, nervously lying to the staff lady, who had a deep frown lining her face. "I'm part of Stray Kids."

"Oh, I'm sorry, my mistake," She said regretfully, "but if you aren't a Little, why are you holding a half-gone bottle?" He looked down at the said bottle still adorning his good hand.

Well. You got him there. 

"Uh." His mind scrambled for a believable lie. "I found it on the ground, and I was going to return it to the kitchen." 

Nailed it. 

"Makes sense," She pursed her lips. "Here, I'll take it." She held her hand out for the bottle in question, palm up and expectant. 

Felix hesitated. Why did he hesitate? 

He forced himself to give her the bottle and letting go was harder than he wanted it to be. 

She left him behind, and he went back to observing the crowd in front of him. 

Surprisingly, it seemed to have calmed down quite a bit. 

All the Littles were gathered cross-legged on the ground, facing Stray Kids. 

Well, most of Stray Kids. He was, obviously, not over there with the rest. 

It stung, to be honest. It was like they didn't even notice his absence. 

They had gathered in front of the crowd of slobbery Littles and were reading from a story book.

Well, Chan and Seungmin were reading. 

Hyunjin, Jisung, Changbin, Minho and Innie were all acting out the events of the story. 

They were, apparently, a huge hit if the giggles of happiness were anything to go by. 

Felix swallowed a lump in his throat. 

He _refused_ to be jealous. He refused to feel _anything_. 

And in turn, it made him feel worse. 

Slowly becoming sicker and sicker to his stomach, he tried to focus on the story everyone else was so invested in. 

It was near impossible, he discovered. 

Luckily, the story seemed to come to a dramatic end, Hyunjin (the prince) marrying the princess (Jeongin) and the dragon (Changbin) being defeated. He has no idea what characters Jisung and Minho were portraying. 

Supporting cast? Dwarves? Felix wasn't sure. 

With the end of the story came the loud complaints and whines from the rambunctious mob of Littles. 

"Sorry darlings, but the story is over." Chan sorrowfully told them, a couple Littles trying to climb into his lap. 

It seemed like they all had that idea. Seven young Caregivers were suddenly buried under a swarm of Littles.

Felix’s heart _hurt_. 

It hurt, so _bad_.

And he saw the blinding smiles and laughter of his family, the fondness for Littles other than himself, and that's all he could handle. 

He stumbled away, murmuring a small "bathroom, be right back" to his manager (who just waved him off, oblivious to his sick stomach) and disappeared. 

He tried to find a bathroom, but when he was unable to, he just slid down a random wall and tucked his face in his knees, biting back curses of frustration. 

He sat there for a solid ten minutes, no one came looking for him. He assumed they were still caught up in a dog pile of love and hadn't even noticed his absence. 

"Y'know, you could just _tell_ them." A snotty voice cut into his pity party, and he nearly jumped to his feet in alarm. 

It was him - that annoying Little from earlier. Felix scowled, still holding back a torrent of tears and ugly emotions. 

"Oh please, like a little scowl from a baby like you could scare me - gimme a break." He scoffed, and Felix felt his temper rise in anger. 

"Don't call me that." He mumbled angrily; his voice even deeper than usual. If it fazed the other, he didn't show it. 

"But it's true, isn't it? You can't hide it, not from me," the nuisance continued on, ignoring Felix's obvious annoyance. 

"Hide what?" Felix muttered, rolling his eyes and shoving his face back into his arms that rested on his knees. 

He scoffed, then quieted. "You really don't know, do you?" He asked softly. 

Felix looked up, surprised at the soft tone of voice. 

The Little (he _still_ didn't know his name) foraged on. "It’s not my place to tell you. But know this; you can't hide from me. I know you want them to be your Caregivers," Felix flinched. "And I don't know why you're hiding your classification, but it's seriously not going to get you anywhere but, in a hospital, trust me." He looked dead serious, like he had. . . _experienced_ it himself.

Maybe he had. 

"What's your name?" Felix asked, despite the other questions circling his head. 

The dude made a face. “That's what you want to know?" 

Felix looked at him with no change in expression, dead serious about knowing his name. 

He sighed. "My name is Jaewon, if you must know." 

Silence. 

Then finally, "It's nice to meet you formally, Jaewon." Felix said in a small voice. 

Jaewon snorted. "You're an odd one, aren't you Felix?" 

Felix looked at him confused. "How did you know my name?" He couldn't recall telling this weirdo his name. 

Oh, wait- he _did_ , didn't he? That was his very first mission, only a couple hours earlier. 

Jaewon grinned that mischievous grin Felix was slowly growing accustomed to. 

"Tsk, Felix. Think _real_ hard, little baby." He responded, grinning impishly. 

Felix scowled for what felt like the hundredth time. "Don't call me that! And it took me a second to remember, geez." 

". . . Right. Anyway, you should probably get going. It’s about time, or they're going to get suspicious why you've been gone so long." He clicked his tongue. "And it's time for _my_ bottle and a nice nap, thank you very much." With that, Jaewon stood up and tried to leave Felix in the hallway alone. Felix grabbed onto his sleeve before he could get very far. 

"Wait!" He almost shouted. "How- How did you know I was. . . A Little?" It was almost impossible to say those horrible words aloud, but Felix forced it. 

"Well, it's a well-kept secret among us Littles, but you are apparently oblivious to it," Jaewon nonchalantly explained, "so I guess I'll tell you." Felix held his breath. "Littles can sense other people's classifications. In short, Littles can tell when someone else is a Little, and we can even tell how old their headspace is.”

"And _you_ , Lee Felix, are a Little. Not to mention, from what I can tell, you have a headspace of about 10 months old. That makes you a baby. Every Little here knew you were one of us the second you stepped foot into this center." Jaewon talked like he didn't just bestow heavy information on Felix. 

Which, for the record, he did.

Littles can sense other Littles? 

Wha- how- what the _fuc_ -

Felix wasn't sure how to respond to everything he was told. Why hadn't he been told years ago?? Jaewon acted like _everyone_ knew, like it was common knowledge. 

Maybe it was, and Felix had been kept out of the loop. 

"Hey, you ok?" Jaewon shook him out of his own thoughts, looking genuinely concerned. 

Felix shook his head. "Not really. . . but I'll be fine." Jaewon scoffed. 

"Whatever you say, little baby." 

Felix scowled at him for the last time before pushing himself off the ground, and into an upright position. 

"Thanks for the pep talk, but I should really be going back." Without another word, he swung on his heels and walked back the way he came from, nearly a half hour earlier. 

"Felix!" Jaewon called from behind him, and Felix stopped in his tracks. "You should tell them, y'know. Just saying." 

Felix didn't respond, just kept walking without so much as a glance behind him.

What did he know? He had no idea what Felix's life is like. He has no idea how hard it is. 

No idea. 

With those false seeds planted in his bastard of a brain, he finally arrived back where everyone else was. 

The film equipment had been cleaned up, and only Chan and their manager stood waiting, for, Felix assumed, himself. 

Well, their manager stood, Chan paced. 

"Thank goodness you're ok!" Chan's face lit up in relief when he caught sight of Felix approaching. 

"Yeah, sorry, I kinda got lost." 

"Doesn't matter," Chan said, hugging him, "Let's go. The others are waiting in the van." 

And with those final words, they both bid Miss Lady farewell, and left the sunny center. 

The bus/van/company vehicle was loud, even before Chan and Felix joined the fray. 

It was always loud and lively with Stray Kids, and this was no different. 

Felix didn't join in, even when Chan did.

Their manager had told them how much food they had earned, and how they were going to a high-end restaurant for dinner. 

Felix couldn't find it in himself to be excited. Instead, he still felt sick. 

What if _now_ , after they had gotten to know some of the Littles back at the center, they decided to adopt one? 

Instead of entertaining that rather depressing thought, he pushed it away and left his mind blank. 

Blank, blank, blank. 

Blank on the drive to the restaurant. 

Blank while they were being seated. 

Blank while ordering. 

Blank when the food arrived. 

He would respond every now and then to a question thrown at him, but the majority of the time, it was all blank.

"Hey Felix, what missions did you do?" Jisung broke through his blank mind for a second, but Felix could already feel his mind blanking away again. 

"Oh, um." He thought back to all the missions he had completed, which, in hindsight, wasn't a whole lot. "I had a tea party with one Little girl. That was. . . fun, I guess." He responded blankly. 

They continued their conversation, laughing freely and telling each other about their respective missions. 

Like how Jeongin had to play dress up with twin Little girls (they were the princes, and he was the princess. Go figure). 

Or how Minho had to run around the adoption center 3 times, a mission given to him by a particularly sassy Little. 

Or how Chan had to play with stuffed animals and play tea party. 

It seemed like they all had a lot of fun, and that made Felix anxious. 

Soon, their hard-earned dinner was over and paid for, and they were on their way home. 

Felix had hardly eaten a single bite, but he was too out-of-it to care too much. 

At home, everyone seemed to quiet down a bit. 

Felix didn't say anything to anyone, just booked it to his room and quickly got pajamas on as best he could. After, he quickly went to the bathroom and did his facial routine, then hopped into his bed. 

It was nearing 9 o'clock, and while everyone was calming down, it wasn't usually the time everyone went to bed. 

Which is why Felix did, tonight. 

The less interaction, the better. 

Right now, everyone (except Felix) had gathered in the living room, most likely to watch a movie, but Felix didn't stay long enough to find out. 

Felix cuddled into his blankets, tightly holding onto Adrien, the soft black stuffed cat he got from Jeongin. 

And finally, he fell deep asleep, body worn out from the strong emotions he felt during daylight hours. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Also, #정인아미안해 
> 
> Rest in Peace baby Jeongin 💔


	4. This is Getting Ridiculous

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry for the wait, I was having MAJOR writers block. Sorry for the low quality writing everyone!! 
> 
> Also, special thanks to Tae2Junnies for editing this for me! Love you Queen 💕👑 ~ go check out her fics, they're really awesome!! 
> 
> Chapter 5 is in the works
> 
> Again, I apologize for the delay and low quality writing

Day Three: Sunday

Luckily, the next day was a Sunday. 

Meaning a day off. 

For which, Felix was immensely glad about. He's had quite enough close calls this week, from hurting his wrist, to going to an adoption center, to two people finding out about a secret he's kept for the last six years. 

Felix was _hoping_ today could be a day of R&R, and hopefully he could completely rebuild his fractured walls and keep his secret a secret for a little longer. 

He should have known fate wouldn't be so kind. 

But, to start off, he woke up in a shaky mental headspace. 

His wrist had started to throb, and he reminded himself to take his daily pain killer pills as soon as he was done doing his morning routine. 

He wasn't in a rush this morning, and he still didn't have his phone. Not that it bothered him too much, he could use a media break anyway. 

He let himself wake up slowly, getting accustomed to the light pouring in through his window and cracked his eyes open.

Jisung wasn't in his bed, and Felix could only assume he was already up and about, likely reading a comic or watching YouTube in the quiet morning peace. 

They didn't have a wall clock in their bedroom, unfortunately. Felix made mental note to talk to Jisung about getting one. 

He made no hurried move to get up. Today was a lazy day, and he fully intended to take advantage of that. 

After sluggishly pulling on weekend clothes (as best he could, with a cast and low hand-eye coordination that accompanied the early hours) that consisted of jeans and a t-shirt, and did his face routine, he wandered into the kitchen where he hoped breakfast would be. 

Usually, him and Minho made breakfast, but Minho hadn't woken him up this morning. 

Or the last few mornings, Felix noticed. He wondered why...

He dismissed it, just for the moment, too hungry to think. 

And he was right; breakfast was hot and ready on the table. 

"Score!" Felix whispered to himself, drooling at the food. 

Not even two seconds later, Minho came with the others in tow, grumbling about it being a weekend. 

"Felix! I was wondering where you were, you weren't in your bed." Minho brightly said, grinning at him. 

He must've been in a good mood this morning. 

Everyone sat down and immediately dug in, thought a few of them were considerably blearier eyed than others. 

Hyunjin and Changbin being two of them. They barely held their heads up and would droop every five seconds. 

Chan and Seungmin conversed quietly, and Jeongin was just quiet, like how he was often in the mornings. 

Changbin and Jisung were laughing at a video on Jisung’s phone, and Minho silently observed them all from his seat. 

Felix and Minho made eye contact briefly, and Minho grinned comfortingly, warming Felix's heart. 

He really did love his members. 

He ate without a word, however, focused on stuffing his face. 

Breakfast was done quickly, and dishes were piled into the sink to be done later. 

He took his pills before he forgot, downing a glass of water. 

Felix wasn't sure what to do without the company of his phone, so he just laid on the couch and zoned out. 

Not much later, Jisung and Hyunjin came to the couch and sat on top of him. 

"Oof!" He groaned out under the weight of the two older boys. 

"Lixxxiiiieeee," Jisung whined out. "You haven't cuddled us in forever!" he dragged the last word cutely. 

Felix rolled his eyes. "I literally cuddled with you yesterday morning." 

"Well, yeah, but then you ran away for no reason!" His twin complained again. 

"He's right, Lix," Hyunjin added from beside Jisung, who were both _still_ on top him and crushing him slowly. "You kinda owe us now." 

"That's not how it works?" He tried to argue. 

"It is now." Felix couldn't see Hyunjin’s face, but he _knew_ he had that stupidly attractive grin plastered on his stupidly attractive face. 

Felix rolled his eyes again. "Well, I can't do that while your fatass is sitting on me, can I?" He sassily retorted. 

Jisung and Hyunjin leaped up off of him, and he took a deep dramatic breath, gasping for sweet, sweet air. 

He grumbled but sat up and was immediately attacked by the two cuddle bugs.

He couldn't help but smile, however. 

They rearranged themselves on the couch to be more comfortable, and sat in silence, just accepting each other's presence. 

Well, almost silence. 

Jisung was softly singing "Stand Out, Fit In" by One Ok Rock, and Hyunjin joined in softly. 

Felix rolled his eyes but joined. 

_"I know they don't like me, that much_

_Guess I don't dress how they want_

_I just want to be myself, I_

_Can't be someone else_

_Tried to color inside their lines,_

_Tried to live a life by designs,_

_I just want to be myself, I_

_Can't be someone else_

_Someone else"_

They mumbled through the next part, not remembering the exact lyrics, until they got to the chorus, which they belted out. 

" _Big boys don't cry,_

_Shoot low, aim high,_

_Eat up stay thin,_

_Stand out, fit in_

_Good girls don't fight_

_Be you, dress right_

_White face, tan skin,_

_Stand out, fit in"_

It was a spectacular song, to be fair. 

Sometimes, the lyrics hit a little too deep. 

Felix sighed, content. He didn't particularly like how nice it felt, how small and protected it made him feel. 

But he ignored it, letting himself indulge, just this once. 

"Hey, why don't we ask everyone if they want to cuddle? It'll be like a huge cuddle session!" Hyunjin enthusiastically suggested. 

Jisung gasped. "Yeah! That sound awesome! I've been so deprived!" Hyunjin nodded in agreement, and he untangled himself from Hyunjin’s and Felix's limbs, running off. 

Hyunjin stood up too, holding his hand out for Felix to pull himself up too. 

Felix complied, letting Hyunjin’s insane strength pull him upright. 

Together, they both set off in the direction Jisung ran. 

Jisung had seemingly chosen Chan and Minho as his first victims, and Felix could hear the grunts of Minho as Jisung -as Felix assumed- had jumped into his chest. It wasn't uncommon for it to happen, honestly. 

Leaving Jisung to it, he and Hyunjin parted ways, Hyunjin going to his shared room to coerce the elder to join in, and Felix heading to the two maknaes shared room. 

He knocked softly and waited for an answer before pushing the door open. 

"Hey, what's up?" Seungmin looked up from the book he was reading when Felix entered. 

"Hyunjin and Jisung want all of us to join in on a cuddle session, says they're 'deprived' or something like that," He answered. "You guys in?" 

Seungmin shrugged. "I guess, as long as I'm not smothered. How about you Innie?" 

Jeongin looked up from his phone when his name was called. He grimaced slightly. "I... I _guess_ can join." 

Felix beamed his bright sunshiny smile, unknowingly melting the two youngest’s cold hearts. "Great! Meet in the living room in ten? Bring blankets and pillows!" 

With that fake happiness, he left. Don't get him wrong, he does feel happy sometimes. Quite often, actually. 

But it seemed easier to fake all of it now, even if he wasn't necessarily sad at that particular moment. 

But, even with all of his inner problems, he can't fake his love of cuddling. 

It was like getting a warm hug for a long period of time, from _multiple_ people. 

Yes, cuddling was the best. 

And maybe, just maybe, Felix could let down his guard enough to enjoy the cuddle session to come. 

He could try, at least. 

Instead of going back to the living room right away, Felix headed to his bedroom to get more comfortable clothes on. Who wants to cuddle in itchy clothes?

He quickly pulled on a pair of black sweatpants and a pink hoodie (one of Minho's this time, he didn't completely raid Chan's closet). 

He wandered back into the living room holding Adrien and one of his favorite pillows, surprised that he was the last one to join. 

Blankets had been laid out on the floor, pillows, stuffed animals, and other soft items making the entire pile more comfortable. 

Felix threw the pillow down on Jisung’s face, and tried to find a spot to sit, preferably in-between some two. 

There was none, unfortunately. The rest had all piled-on top of each other, leaving little to no room for Felix to fit in. 

"Hey Pixie!" Seungmin called from in-between Hyunjin and Minho. "Come sit with us," 

Felix hesitated. There was ZERO space between any of them, and he'd rather not intrude. 

But he walked over anyway, and nearly screamed when Seungmin pulled him into his lap. 

"Shh," Seungmin told him, snuggling into him closer. 

"Just accept our love," Hyunjin added in.

"Accept it or die." Minho finished in a sweet voice, a stark contrast to his words. Chan snorted from under Innie when he heard it, but didn't try to rescue Felix. 

Felix just sighed and accepted his fate, pushing even the _slightest_ hint of any worried thoughts away. 

He could deal with them later. 

They murmured quietly amongst themselves for a while, letting the lazy Sunday settle in their bones. 

Throughout the entire time, Felix clutched Adrien without a word, letting Seungmin’s gentle breathing beneath him soothe his soul. 

Fifteen minutes later, Felix had almost fallen asleep. 

"He's so cute like this," Felix heard one of them say after his eyes had finally closed. It sounded like Jisung. 

"I agree," Felix heard from somewhere else, though the direction it came from made him think it was Changbin. 

Were they taking about... _him?_

He wasn't sure, but he was almost 90% positive they weren't. 

"He's so peaceful, sleeping like this. It’s nice to see, after what happened the other day." That was Chan for sure. 

Yeah, they were definitely talking about him. 

"He is so fucking cute; I don't even know how to control myself sometimes. I just wanna squish his cheeks and kiss his face." That came from right next to him, where Minho was sitting. 

"Mood. I can say the same. Like, how am I supposed to control myself when he walks around looking like _that?_ " That came from his other side, so it was definitely Hyunjin.

"I get it. For some reason, he makes my Caregiver side go wild. Like, even though he's a Neutral, I just want to spoil and take care of him." Chan again. 

"I just wish he would tell us what's wrong," His back rumbled from Seungmin’s voice. "He's obviously having a hard time lately."

Hums and whispered agreements came from all around him. 

And, as much as he wanted to continue listening under the pretenses of slumber, he fell into a deep non-fake sleep, and their voices were no more. 

~ (◍•ᴗ•◍) ~

He awoke three hours later, feeling well rested and recovered. 

The first thing he noticed was that most of the members were gone, and he was still cuddling up to Seungmin with Adrien still in his arms. 

In the kitchen, Felix could hear the clatter and chittering of the others, laughter plaguing the air. 

Seungmin’s gentle fingers were running through his hair, and Felix sighed at the euphoric feeling. 

He noticed that he had somehow unconsciously started sucking his thumb in his sleep, and he immediately pulled it out. 

He hoped no one had seen, that would've raised more questions than he had answers for. 

He fluttered his eyes shut, hoping to get more sleep, even though his body was well rested. 

At this point, he could only hope that his mind could get some rest too, it was far more exhausted than his body. 

He snuggled deeper into Seungmin’s chest, pulling Adrien closer. 

"Lixie, baby, we have to wake up." Seungmin’s soft voice interrupted his dreams of more Z's. 

He whined, promptly ignoring what Seungmin had said and shutting his eyes tighter. 

Seungmin laughed lightly at his reaction. "C'mon sweetheart. It’s time to get up. Let's go get some food." He tried again. 

Felix pouted deeply but sat up clutching his stuffed cat. He pouted at Seungmin, sad that he had to wake up, but the idea of food was too good to pass up. 

He tried to pull himself out of the cocoon of blankets he had unwittingly wound himself in but wasn't able to. 

He pouted harder, his foggy brain not comprehending why he was trapped. 

He whined again in displeasure, glaring at the blankets. 

Seungmin laughed under his breath, watching the struggle. 

After a few minutes, Seungmin decided to help him out a bit and swept Felix up in his arms. 

Felix squeaked at the sudden change, but clutched Adrien closer. 

Seungmin effortlessly carried Felix into the kitchen where everyone else was chilling. 

Felix wiggled to get down, not wanting to stay in the warm tempting arms of a Caregiver much longer. 

It almost seemed like pushing down his classification was getting harder each day. 

That doesn't mean he would stop, however. 

Seungmin frowned slightly but let the older one out of his arms. 

Felix clambered over and sat in his designated chair at their dining table. 

It was only lunchtime, but Felix felt like he hadn't eaten in ages. 

And those worried thoughts he had pushed down earlier? 

Well, it was later. 

As he sat down to eat, he glanced around the kitchen to his members. 

Smiling, laughing, hugging. 

Typical Stray Kids scene, and Felix wanted nothing more than to join in. 

But he resisted, and instead just kept quiet, staring at the table. 

He wanted to join, but a rude part of him told him he didn't deserve to. 

Another part told him to take a risk and be happy. 

But the rude part was louder. 

Instead, he tried pushing both voices down, and let his mind think only of food, the only thing on Earth that doesn't judge. 

Chan ruffled his hair as he walked past, softly patting his head. 

Felix fought hard not to react, and just hugged Adrien closer. Yes, he was still holding the cat. No, he wasn't going to let go of it. 

The food was put on the table soon (not soon enough in Felix's opinion) and everyone started to eat. 

It was a short meal, the usual thing.

Felix struggled to eat because of his injured wrist, the others chattering, and the food was amazing. 

They left the dishes to be done later, because who would want to do dishes when they could be relaxing?

"What do you guys want to do now?" Minho asked everyone after they had gathered back in the living room. 

They all settled into the blanket/pillow nest they had left there, and Felix had a sneaking suspicion that it wasn't going to be cleaned up anytime soon. 

"I dunno. What about a board game?" Jisung suggested. 

Hyunjin made a face. "That sounds boring. What about a card game?" 

"Board games and card games are pretty much the same thing, _pabo_!" 

Seungmin spoke up, hoping to avoid a full-blown fight. "What about video games?" 

The cat and mouse duo ignored him, continuing to bicker. Old habits die hard, he guessed. 

Seungmin rolled his eyes, pulling Felix into his lap for the second time that day and resting his chin on his shoulder.

The other six ignored the wrestling pair next to them and discussed what they want to do. 

"Movie night?" Minho suggested. 

"What would we watch? It seems like the only thing we do is watch movies, hyung." Jeongin shot down the suggestion. 

"I like the first two suggestions," Felix put it his two cents.

"Really?" Jisung momentarily stopped choking Hyunjin to ask. 

"Uh. Yeah?" 

"You heard the baby! Board games and cards, it is! IT HAS BEEN DECIDED!" Hyunjin shouted, yeeting Jisung off him. 

Jisung squawked at the disrespect, but no one bothered to listen to him. 

It was a common occurrence. 

"I'm not a baby, Hyung. Please don't call me that." Felix frowned. 

"Sorry, I won't do it again Pixie." Hyunjin apologized, clambering to his feet. 

"Where are you going?" Changbin asked the tall one. 

"Getting our card games out!" Hyunjin shouted from somewhere in one of the closets. 

"We have card games?" Chan whispered to Minho. Minho shrugged, hands up in the universal 'how the fuck am I supposed to know?'. 

They apparently did have card games. And board games. A lot, in fact. 

Hyunjin walked blindly back into the living room, his arms loaded with a variety of games and who knows what else. 

Unceremoniously dropping them in the middle of the small circle they had unwittingly formed, he plopped into a free spot beside Changbin. 

"Let's see what he has," Chan grabbed a couple board games and stacked the boxes in neater piles. 

Felix picked up a small square box containing cards. 

_UNO_

Not a bad game. 

"Hey, can we play this?" He held up the game, getting the attention of everyone present. 

"Yeah!" Jeongin shouted, grabbing the game out of Felix's grasp. "This looks fun! Let's play this Hyungs." 

"Sure, why not?" Chan said, and everyone cheered. They quickly pushed the rest of the games off the middle. 

Chan, being the oldest and leader, was voted to be the one to mix the card stack and divide them out appropriately. 

Soon enough, everyone had cards in their hands, and the deck on the floor between them. 

It was quickly learned that UNO was a game to make enemies, not friends. 

At one point, Felix had to pick up 12 cards at once, and it's safe to say he was ready to throw the deck against Minho's face for laughing at him. 

Not that he would, no, of _course_ not! Felix was an angel, an absolute saint. 

After about 20 more minutes of betrayed screams and several threats, everyone was fed up with UNO. 

"What about Charades?" Changbin suggested after they had cleaned up the cards that were everywhere. 

Everyone shrugged but agreed. 

Pulling the game out, the room immediately filled with yells, despite nothing starting yet. 

They played for hours, everyone taking a turn, each one sillier than the last. 

It was way more fun than Felix thought it would be, and he felt his heart grow warm whenever he laughed with the rest of them. 

He still felt blocked somehow. His laughter was genuine, but his happiness wasn't. 

He tried to push down the dark feelings threatening to swallow him. The feelings that told him even if he was happy right now, this laughter was temporary. 

He fought it and tried to be happy and appreciate the moment he was living in the present. 

And even as his mood slipped more and more each passing second, he fought it. He put up a facade, the same worn out face he had used for the last six years. 

Trusted, secure, familiar. Hiding behind it was all he knew. 

But enough of depressing thoughts. 

These precious moments are temporary, better to appreciate them while they're here. 

Before he knew it, it was his turn to get up and act. 

Hyunjin had finished his dramatic acting of a banana, and everyone was laughing, tears gathering in the corner of their eyes. 

Felix bounced to his feet, purposely making his step bouncier and bubblier. 

He took a card, flipping it over and quickly reading what he was supposed to be acting out. 

_'Baby'_ is what the card read. He made a face. Really? He had to act out a baby???

He doesn't know who was in charge of writing this badly written story, but they seemed to love making his life harder. 

He put the card in the discard pile and stood in front of the group, who looked at his every move. 

Suddenly, he felt very exposed. He never had a problem acting out words before, but the way they observed him, and how they scrutinized his every move. 

Taking a deep breathe, he tried his best to act out the word. 

He made a fake crying face, and mimed tears running down his face. 

"Oh! Cry!" Jisung guessed loudly. Felix shook his head and continued acting. 

After a few false guesses such as "raining" and "great thundering of the gods," by Chan and Minho respectively (wtf Minho?).

Once he realized that what he was doing wasn't going to work anytime soon, he changed his tactic. 

He stood for a minute, trying to think of another way to act out the word. 

First, he held out one finger. 

"Oh! One word!" Jeongin yelled out. Felix nodded fervently, glad he had at least one smart bandmate. 

He put his hands close together vertically, like he was holding something small. 

"Oh! Um- it's a small word?" Changbin guessed. Felix shook his head, but then thought better of it and did a half nod half shake. 

Technically, it was a small word. 

He held out four fingers and redid his first two mimes before holding out four fingers again. 

"Its four words?" Hyunjin asked. Felix shook his head, exasperated and ready to cry. 

He mimed four fingers again, trying to get them to understand. 

"Four letters, one word?" Seungmin said, almost confidently. 

Felix wanted to kiss him sometimes. He nodded frantically, happy someone finally got it. 

"Ok, so, it's one word, four letters. Any more hints?" Chan summed up, thinking hard. 

Felix mimed crying one more time, trying to get them to understand. 

"Oh! Emotional?" Jisung wrongly guessed. Felix just blinked at him. 

Changbin seemed to be done with Jisung’s bullshit as well, "That's more than four letters, _pabo_!" 

Jisung sadly moaned. "Why am I always the _pabo_?" 

Felix tried something different, racking his brain to figure out what to do. 

He picked up Adrien, cradling the stuffed cat in his arms and rocked it like you would, well, a baby. 

"Rock!" Jisung guessed again. Well, at least that word had four letters?

Felix shook his head no and tried again. 

"Cradle?" Changbin threw out, shrugging.

Honestly, he had no idea how none of them had gotten it right yet. 

He wanted to throttle someone. How hard was it to guess 'baby'? 

He almost fell to the floor, exasperated.

"Cradle doesn't have four letters either, _pabo_!" Jisung crooned at Changbin. 

"Yah! I knew that, you big _baby!_ " They started wrestling on the floor, Felix staring at them blankly. 

"I got it!" Screamed Jeongin. " _Baby!_ " He pointed at Felix, who stiffened. 

Chan looked at Jeongin confusedly. "Baby?" 

Jeongin nodded, grinned brightly. "That's the word! _Baby._ Four letters, one word! Add that to the crying and rocking, and it makes perfect sense." 

"Finally!" Felix cried out, dramatically falling to the ground. 

Everyone's face fell into a silent 'O' formation. 

Felix crawled from the spot he dramatically fell to, to Jeongin who was sitting cross-legged on the floor. He laid his head on the maknaes lap, accepting the head pats the younger gave him. 

"Who's turn is it?" Changbin asked. 

"It’s mine, but hyung, this is getting boring." Seungmin answered. 

"Well, what do you want to do?" 

Seungmin looked around in thought. "Well, it's about dinner time. Why don't we order takeout and watch a movie?" 

"Sounds good to me. How about you guys?" Minho commented. 

"I think that's a good idea. Changbin, Minho, Jisung, will you guys order the food? Seungmin, Hyunjin, Felix, Jeongin, will you guys clean up the living room? I'll-" His phone blared with a call, and he glanced at the caller ID before grimacing. "I'll take this. It could be important..." He walked out of the room, holding his phone to his ear. 

That left the other seven to do what they were assigned to. 

Minho, Changbin, and Jisung called their frequented takeout restaurant, ordering a barrage of dishes and various food. 

Jeongin stood up, moving Felix’s head off of his lap and onto the floor. Felix made a noise of protest, glaring slightly at the younger who towered over his reclined form. 

The youngest scrunched his nose in response, and Felix just _had_ to grin at the adorable fox maknae. 

"Come on Lix, we gotta clean up the games and the blankets." Hyunjin held out a hand for Felix to pull himself up, and he did so, nearly flying up from Hyunjin’s CG strength. 

"Why the blankets? We're gonna watch a movie anyway, right? We need blankets!" Felix asked in a pout. 

"We can keep a few in here, but the rest need to be put away." Seungmin interjected, answering Felix’s question. Hyunjin nodded. "Minnie is right. Plus, it means less work for later, right?" Felix nodded, and got to work. 

Armfuls of blankets, comforter's, pillows, and stuffed animals blocked their line of sight as they tried to carry them to the right places. 

Not gonna lie, Felix chucked the blankets and pillows he was carrying onto his bedroom floor and left them. He wasn't even gonna try to put them in the right places. 

He wandered back into the living room, wrapped in one of his thin blankets and carrying Adrien. 

You can't expect him to leave his prized stuffies behind. Like, seriously. 

The food was due in about 15 minutes, yet Chan still wasn't done with his phone call. Felix could only hope it was good news. 

15 minutes of lounging on the couch with Changbin running his fingers through the Australians hair. Felix was alright with that. 

Chan came back into the room at the same time the doorbell rang from the delivery guy dropping off their food. 

Without a second thought, everyone abandoned Chan standing in the living room and ran to the door. 

Just like Felix guessed, it was indeed the food. 

Felix nearly drooled from the smell alone. 

They paid the dude (and tipped) and hurriedly brought the food back in the living room where Chan was waiting. 

They settled down, unboxing the food. 

"What movie are we gonna watch?" Jisung asked through a mouthful of kimchi fried rice. 

"We could watch... a Disney movie?" Changbin suggested. 

"How about Batman or something?" Hyunjin whined. 

"We watched Batman last week!" Jeongin yelled. 

"What about Megamind?" Chan interjected calmly. 

Everyone mulled it over but nodded. "Sounds good to me!" Minho said, settling himself on the couch. 

"Before we start the movie, I have to tell you guys something," Chan drew their attention to himself. "JYP called us for a meeting tomorrow, and we all have to go." 

Felix’s anxiety spiked. Why did JYP want to see them? What would the meeting be about? Did they find out about him? Did they see his medical records and figure it out?

They started the movie.

Felix sat between Minho and Seungmin, squished but warm. It was a nice feeling. 

Felix tried to focus on the film playing on the screen, he really did. 

But his anxiety and negative thoughts won the battle. 

He couldn't even enjoy the movie, too worried about the meeting tomorrow. 

Ever since he was eliminated from the survival show, he's been sort of afraid of JYP. 

Afraid wasn't exactly the right word. It’s was more like he was paranoid. 

Paranoid that, even if he debuted, they could kick him out at any time; that it was all a trick. 

Paranoid that someone had found out about his classification and was gonna out him to the rest of the world. 

Paranoid that JYP would randomly decide he wasn't good enough anymore. 

Yeah, paranoid was the right word. 

He spent the rest of the night in his thoughts. That’s the only place he seemed to be nowadays. 

His body felt weaker by the day. Like, his brain was fighting itself, and his body was suffering in result. He felt tired almost constantly. 

He fell asleep, snuggled against Minho, the elder patting his head gently. 

He clung to Adrien, and let his eyes fall shut.

Day Four: Monday

The first thing that popped into his head the second he woke up was _we have meeting today with JYP._

The second thing was _how did I get into my own bed?_

The second question was answered pretty easily. 

Beside him lay none other than Seo Changbin himself. He guessed Changbin carried him to bed, and then climbed in afterwards and fell asleep beside him. 

The first thing, though, immediately caused his stomach to churn in worry. 

The meeting wouldn't be for another couple hours, but every minute ticking by made his insides turn with apprehension. 

He pushed it down, refusing to let it ruin his morning, and instead climbed out of bed and began his grueling task of getting dressed. 

He had a routine, you could say. It had only been four days since he injured his wrist, but it felt like weeks already. 

Every day it was the same. Get dressed with difficulty (end up asking for help), eat breakfast with his non-dominant hand (end up making a mess), take his medication to help with the pain and swelling, go to his lessons and practice dance, come home and take a shower, eat dinner, watch a movie, go to bed. 

It was a pretty set routine, and rarely changes. 

And that was how it went. 

Get got stuck in his shirt (again), and ate breakfast (messily), and took his pills, and got his shoes on. He got in the elevator and they drove to company and walked to the practice room to practice dance. 

Same old same old. 

Today, they weren't going to go to practice. Instead, they gathered at the studio, most likely to record some samples before the meeting. 

Felix was nearly shaking. He managed to hide it well from the others, as far as he could tell. He instead tried to focus on record his small voice sample of a song that was for a new album. 

He tried to zone out, and just _listen_ to the amazing beat and backing track of the new songs 3racha were working on. Just _listen_ to how his voice sounded, and how he smoothly rapped out his lines. 

Just _listen_ to the voices of his bandmates, trying their best even though it was only a sample. 

Just _listen_ to their laughter and cheering when he finished his part. 

Just _listen_ to the voices in his head- wait, no, that's what he was trying _not_ to do. 

He shook himself out of whatever zone he was in. Going in much further would bring more peril than peace. 

He glanced at the wall clock while Seungmin hopped in the recording room to do his piece. 

Chan told them earlier the meeting started around 2 PM, and it was about 1:30 now. 

Felix didn't realize how long they had spent in the studio. They had been there for close to 5 hours already. 

He didn't realize how much time he spent zoned out, that when he came-to, hours had passed. 

Seungmin and Jeongin had finished singing their parts, totally nailing the high notes and adlibs, as expected.

Stray Kids’ main vocalists were talented, there was no doubt about that. 

"Ok guys! We have about 20 minutes to get ready for the meeting and be there on time," Chan called their attention, picking up his phone and tucking it in his pocket. "Let's go!" 

Everyone trailed after Chan, following him out of the studio and to the meeting. 

Felix walked ahead so he was walking beside the eldest, hoping to ask about something. 

"Hey Chan Hyung?" Felix got their leaders attention. 

"Yeah, Lix?" 

"Um, I was wondering when I can get my phone back?" He hesitantly asked. He had been missing his phone and was eager to get it back. 

Chan met his eyes. "I think you can have it back soon, but Felix, when we found you the other night... it really scared me." 

Felix felt guilty. He didn't mean to cause problems, and he didn't want to be a burden. 

"Yeah... sorry about that hyung. It won't happen again." He apologized guiltily. "On second thought, maybe you should keep my phone a while longer. I mean, having a break from media every once in a while, is healthy, right?" He smiled brightly at Chan, and Chan grinned back, although it was a little forced. Chan put an arm around Felix shoulders and pulled him into a side hug, making Felix feel warm inside. 

They arrived in front of the door of the designated meeting place, and Chan knocked to announce their presence. 

There was absolutely _zero_ time for Felix to mentally prepare, and he choked down his nerves that threatened to swallow him. 

Why was he nervous? There was absolutely no reason to be nervous, he had done this before. He had been in meeting before and lived. No one had found out his secret then, why would this time be any different? 

The meeting room was, without a doubt, very professional. Office chairs, a large wood table, a blank screen used for projections, and of course, scary big men with suits and a grumpy attitude. 

Felix swallowed. 

Chan brunches past Felix and took a seat at the table, a blank impassable expression on his face. He tended to not let anyone know what he was thinking at functions like this. It was a trait Felix admired and wished he could do the same.

The rest of Stray Kids filed in, Felix acting as normal as possible. They all took a seat, filling one side of the table. 

Across from them, was none other than the CEO, and their managers. 

This entire thing wouldn't be filmed like they never were. Probably a good thing, now that he thinks about it. 

JYPs voice startled him out if his thoughts. "Good afternoon gentleman, I hope you are all doing well." He directed his speech at Chan, for which Felix was thankful for. 

"We are doing quite well, thank you." Chan answered. 

"Glad to hear it," He continued, not even trying to seem like he cared. "Let's get started, shall we?" 

He clicked away on the laptop in front of him, and the projection screen lit up. 

On it were a bunch of graphs and pies that Felix didn't understand, and his head hurt just looking at it. 

"This," JYP used a laser pointer to point out something on the board, "is your sales in the past year. As you can see, the general rating of Stray Kids went up 34% from last year, which, all in all is good progress. However, the progress shown for each of the members is nothing to be proud of" 

Felix stiffened. Uh oh. 

The CEO continued, "Each of the members progress is recorded and compared to their last progress sheet. It tells us who needs to work harder, and who needs to work smarter." He seemed to glare at Felix specifically, and Felix wanted to crawl under the table.

"Let's examine each of your personal progress," JYP started. "Bang Chan." 

"Yes sir?" Chan tried to be respectful, and slightly failing. 

"Your progress went up 90%. Good job." The CEO attempted to compliment him, and Chan forced a smile. 

JYP looked at his notes again, calling out another name without looking up. "Jisung," Said squirrel boy looked up, giving his full attention, "Your progress went up 87%. Good job." 

He didn't even wait for Jisung to say something back, just continued on. 

"Jeongin, your progress is 82%," Jeongin nodded, 

"Minho, your progress is 76%," Minho shrugged, but looked relieved nonetheless, 

"Changbin, your progress is 71%," Changbin nodded mutely, 

"Hyunjin, your progress is 65%," Hyunjin paled a bit, 

"Seungmin, your progress is 54%," Seungmin didn't say anything, but Felix knew this news hurt him, 

"And finally, Felix, your progress is 42%." 

Felix felt his stomach lurch. Those words didn't sound good, and he was sure that getting the lowest score wasn't a desirable outcome. 

"With those of you below 70% progress, your required practice hours will be doubled, and I expect your progress to go up exponentially in the next two weeks." He told them, completely unaware he just shattered Felix's motivation and confidence. 

He continued blabbering about sales and more percentages, and Felix couldn't be bothered to care much. 

Two weeks? He was supposed to work harder and practice more hours for _two weeks?_

And he was supposed to get, what, _better_ in two weeks? 

As if he wasn't trying hard enough. He almost scoffed out loud but bit his tongue. 

Was... was he going to be kicked out of the group? He had the lowest progress. 

His blood ran cold.

That's it, wasn't it? They were gonna kick him out. They don't need him anymore. 

They didn't even need to figure out his hidden classification, he was worthless enough without that added. 

His ears rung, and the noise in the room intensified. Yelling, shouting. Numbers, fractions, percentages. He didn't understand of it. 

His breathing steadily picked up, and his eyes wavered. 

He resisted the urge to suck his thumb. Where the urge had come from, he didn't know, and he only entertained the thought for half a second before throwing it away and going blank again. 

His hand crept up to his mouth, and he could feel it there. Everything was too much but not enough. He couldn't grasp anything, but everything seemed to touch him. 

A hand appeared on his shoulder, pulling him towards somewhere. 

He mindlessly followed, getting up from his seat and walking out the door.

"Felix, it's me. Can you hear me?" 

He wanted to nod, but nothing was responding. 

After a few minutes of (Chan? Jisung?) talking to him calmly, he was finally able to move how he wanted to, and actually think and not panic. 

He tried to answer them, reassure them he was alright, but something was in his mouth. 

He sucked experimentally on whatever it was, and to his surprise and chagrin, he found it was exactly what he hoped it wouldn't be. 

Grimacing, he pulled his wet thumb out of his mouth and turned his eyes to meet the worried eyes of his members. 

Their worried eyes bore into his own, and he felt bad for making them panic like they were. 

He gulped and found his voice. "What- What happened?" 

"You blanked out," Jisung worriedly informed him. 

"You wouldn't respond to anything," Jeongin looked concerned and scared. 

"You've been like this for over an hour." Chan finished gravely. 

Felix didn't know what to say. Over an hour? 

He was silent. 

He let them pull him to his feet and walk down the halls and out of the building. 

He glanced at a clock while trudging and was legitimately surprised at what the time read. 

Was it really 4 o'clock? 

Time was something he couldn't comprehend right now. 

Somehow, someway, they got back to the dorm. He couldn't remember how, and time seemed irrelevant and more fictional than not. 

At the dorm, everyone took off their shoes and jackets, dispersing in a flurry of yells and competition for the showers. 

Felix let someone else shower ahead of him, choosing to wait a little longer. 

He wasn't sure what to do in the meantime; he didn't have his phone, and he didn't feel like making small talk. 

Sighing, he headed for the kitchen to get a glass of water.

Food didn't sound appetizing at the moment, and neither did snacks or anything else he usually would've chosen instead of a full meal. 

"Felix, the shower is free." Jeongin informed him with wet hair, sidestepping with Seungmin, whoms hair was also damp. They must've showered together. 

He nodded to show Jeongin he was heard, then headed towards the bathroom. He honestly just wanted to shower, then sleep.

He grabbed his favorite pair of pajamas, wanting comfort and warmth. 

He showered, still struggling with his wrist. He somehow got done without asking for help, though it involved a great deal of struggling and awkward movement. 

He got dressed in record time since he got injured; he could practically _hear_ his cold bedsheets and warm duvet calling to him, seducing him to their comfort. 

The second he walked out of the muggy bathroom, it looked like that wasn't gonna be the case. 

Three pairs of expectant and worried eyes met his, and he inwardly sighed. He should've guessed that Chan was gonna call a family meeting. 

With the stunt he pulled earlier, he would be lucky not to be thoroughly interrogated and probed into giving satisfactory answers. 

The owners of eyes were none other than Jisung, Jeongin, and Seungmin; his fellow maknae liners. 

"Chan hyung told us to come get you, he called for a family meeting." Seungmin spoke for them.

Jisung and Jeongin each grabbed one of Felix's arms, and pulled him towards the living room where the rest sat waiting, leaving no room for argument about his attendance. 

He was sat on one end of their sectional. Yes, they had a sectional; an upgrade compared to their last couch. 

On one end sat Chan and Changbin, Jeongin sitting next to them on Changbin’s right and Chan had the end with the arm rest. Minho sat on the right of Jeongin, and Felix sat next to him, with Jisung on his right and Seungmin taking up the other end, Hyunjin cuddling into his left. 

This. This is how Felix's nightmares started. 

He was scared the tension and pressure of their eyes would make him blurt out everything, so he stayed quiet. 

Of course, he's had bad days and they've all been the focus of a family meeting, but this one made Felix much more anxious than the last ones ever did. 

Felix held his breath, not trusting himself to speak. 

Chan cleared his throat. "I guess we should start then. I'm not going to beat around the bush; Felix, what’s going on?" He asked the question that was ever present on their minds. 

Felix flinched, but kept quiet and focused on swallowing his anxiety and incoming tears. He _would_ not cry. He _refused_. 

Seungmin spoke up. "Hyung, we're not trying to make you uncomfortable. We're worried about you." 

"Really worried." Jisung added in a small voice from his left. 

"Please, tell us what's wrong." Hyunjin begged. 

"We promise we will listen to whatever you have to say hyung." Jeongin spoke. 

"We wouldn't ever judge you Lixie." Minho said firmly. 

Felix was barely holding back tears, but he forced a small smile. 

He shakily spoke up. "I've just been having a rough couple of days, I guess. I'm ok, I promise." He lied, faking yet again another smile. 

It was silent. "Don't lie to us Lix." Chan lightly scolded him, eyes twisting with and unrecognizable emotion. "We can tell it’s more than that." 

"No, really. I've just had a bad couple of days. It’s nothing to worry about, I just need to sleep it off." He reassured them, like a liar. 

"Felix, P L E A S E, that's obviously a lie." Jisung spoke up, voice wavering. He always was emotional when it came to his twin. 

Felix broke. 

"O-Ok, the truth is... I've been hiding something. It’s hard for me to say," he took a shaky breath, the dreaded tears he's been holding back falling freely. "I've been sorta depressed lately. My dancing has gotten worse, and my voice is constantly cracking." He sniffed, and the others listened to his every word. "I guess today, when JYP told me I've made the least progress, it kinda made me really _really_ depressed. I just kinda blanked out. . .I really didn't mean to worry anyone, I p-promise." He finished, inwardly patting his back at his lack of breaking down throughout the entire paragraph. 

"Oh Pixie, I'm so sorry you've been going through this." Hyunjin cried out, enveloping him in a tight hug. 

The rest of them joined the hug, sniffles and muffled cries being shared between then. 

Felix felt... safe. He felt loved, and secure. He only shared a tiny fraction of the problem, and he felt like an entire ton had been lifted from his shoulders. 

He was almost too scared to think about how it would feel if they knew the entire problem. 

Would he feel _lighter_ than he did now? He had been weighed down for so long, he wasn't sure he even knew how it felt to be that carefree. 

He yearned for it. 

Confidence surged through him, and he felt the intense need to tell them _everything_ , the entire truth. 

He felt scared, but at the moment, he felt his fears quiet momentarily and give way for the courage he needed to tell them. 

He had just about made up his mind, all his previous fears thrown haphazardly out of the minds sight, when Chan spoke up. 

"I'm happy you were able to trust us enough to tell us Lix." 

The previous confidence left his body almost faster than it had hit him, leaving him cold. 

_"I'm happy you were able to trust us enough to tell us"_

_"I'm happy you were able to trust us"_

_"Trust us"_

He felt anxiety and bile crawl up his throat. 

Of course, he couldn't tell them, what was he thinking?

Chan had said he was happy Felix could trust them; what would he say when he found out Felix had been keeping a huge secret from them for years? 

He would be so disappointed in him. 

**_He thinks you trust them. Imagine how disappointed he'd be when he finds out you've never trusted them at all._ **

Felix felt sick. 

Trust was a hard thing to earn, and if Felix told them, he would lose all the trust they had in him and all the faith that they had in him trusting them. 

He could _never_ tell them. 

The cuddle pile became more spread out, and they voted to watch a movie of Felix's choosing. 

Felix was touched they would let him choose, considering it was a common fight topic, but rejected the offer. He wasn't in his right mind to choose an entertaining movie. 

After some arguing, they finally settled on watching _Train To Busan_ , with only limited grumbles. 

Felix had already seen the movie, so he wasn't too concerned about paying attention to the plot and let his mind wander. 

He carefully assessed his body and how he felt, a technique he learned from his dad. 

He carefully went through each part of his body, noting how tense and loose each muscle felt. 

His toes were loose and tired if toes could be tired. His feet were sore from wearing shoes all day, and generally just sore from life. He couldn't remember the last time his feet _weren't_ sore or throbbing. 

His calves and thighs were tired and sore, same as his feet. Dancing 5 days a week will do that to you, he guessed. Overall, his legs felt strong and weak at the same time, the usual he could say. 

His stomach grumbled, so that told him as much as he needed to know about that part. 

His arms were also sore. At this point, sore muscles were the norm. His wrist didn't hurt but felt awkward with a large bulky cast encased on it. 

His heart... it hurt. His heart felt almost hollow, like a large piece of himself was missing. It was nothing new either, he was quite accustomed to the gaping hole he felt. 

His head... now that was another story. He had a slight headache, most likely caused by his crying. And, of course, everything was haywire. 

Messed up, twisted, misshapen. That was the state of his mind and mental health almost every day. 

Constant thoughts about his every flaw, his past mistakes, his future mistakes: they crowded his brain, making it hard to think sometimes. He usually pushed past it, silencing his thoughts in favor of overworking his muscles. 

It worked, most of the time. 

Occasionally, a stubborn negative thought would get caught in his everyday ones, and that's when he mentally got the worst. 

But still, he pushed it down as far as he could, focusing on his bandmates instead. 

His bandmates... they were everything to him. They were his family, his friends, his platonic soulmates. 

He felt the most at peace when he was with them, he felt almost whole. 

An odd alien feeling, but a welcome one, nonetheless. 

But no matter how much he tried, his own mind ruined everything, every time it happened. 

Thoughts are funny that way. 

A lot of them have no rhyme or rhythm, striking you when you least expect. The most profound thoughts source from the small things, or nothing at all. 

The most hurtful thoughts always have a source though, and they always strike at the most inopportune times.

Life was cruel like that. It gave no warning, no signs about anything that was going to happen. 

You just had to trust that it would end up ok, someday. 

Trust was earned though, and so far, it was doing a horrible time proving itself. 

Thoughts ran rampant in Felix's tired mind, and he didn't try to fend them off. 

He let the weird ones, the profound ones, the hurtful ones, fly freely around his brain. 

He let his body relax, soothing his sore muscles and releasing the tension in them. He relaxed, letting the buried part of him out ever so slightly, and falling into a deep sleep.

Sleep was a friend, he had found. Nothing was real there.

Through sleeps tight grasp, he could barely comprehend his body being lifted off the couch he fell asleep on, and into his room on to his bed. He instantly reached for his cat, a whine building up in his throat, but the stuffed animal was quickly placed in his arms and he let the whine die down in favor for sleep. 


	5. Accidents and Mishaps

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I guess I should warn you a bit before you read it...as a reader, I always loved reading about the little moments the characters have in their day-to-day life, and I want to include those moments in this fic, which is why I plan on having it be around 60 chapters. Its big, there is a lot of little moments, and a lot of firsts.  
> So, in addition to that ^ note, I wanna say this chapter is the just the beginning to some of the weirder (?) Moments. Its a natural thing, but isn't included in Little Space fics as much as it should be. 
> 
> Without further adieu;
> 
> TW: public accidents

Day Five: Tuesday

Getting up, he opened his bleary eyes. He needed to get up for practice today, and he also had vocal lessons at 3. 

Staggering into the kitchen, he couldn't hear anyone. Where was everyone? 

But Changbin was there, dressed and looking good, as usual. 

"Good morning, Lixie."

"What time is it?" Was his clever response. 

"It's 12." Changbin answered, sipping his coffee. 

Felix's eyes widened slightly. Wow, he slept in a lot longer than he thought he did. 

"We're late for practice!" He panicked, looking for his shoes. 

"Woah, woah, woah, there, Pixie. You're not even dressed." He paused, thinking. "The others have already left, but Chan said not to wake you up." 

Of course, he did. 

He nearly groaned but stopped his frantic search for his missing shoes. 

"Ok fine. But can I at least go to my vocal lessons? I don't want to get behind." 

Changbin nodded. "Yeah, of course."

Felix sighed. "What’s for breakfast then?" 

Changbin grinned. "Chan gave me permission to take you out and get breakfast after you woke up, but you need to be dressed. Come on," Changbin finished, taking Felix by his left hand and walking him down the hall to his room. 

Once they were there, Changbin let go of Felix and started digging through his drawers. 

"Why are you looking through my dresser?" 

"I'm getting you clothes" Was the answer he got. 

"I can get my own clothes though?" 

"Not today. I'm picking your clothes" Changbin stood up with a large black shirt (another one of Chan’s) and a pair of skinny jeans. "Arms up." 

Felix moved away. "No, I let you pick my clothes, I can get myself dressed." 

"Nice try, we both know you'll have trouble because of your cast, like you do every day since it happened. Now, arms up." 

Felix put his arms up. 

Ten minutes and a bathroom break later, they were ready to go. 

"Hyung, where are my shoes?" Felix asked, looking under the couch for his -still- missing shoes. 

"I have them," Changbin came from the back room, holding said shoes. "Sit down and I'll put them on." 

Felix rolled his eyes. "Hyung, I can do it." Changbin ignored him, pushing him on to the couch and knelt down to put on his shoes. 

Felix blushed, the fuzzy feeling of being taken care of ever-present throughout the entire ordeal, though it felt stronger today for a reason unknown to him. 

"Don't forget to take your meds Felix." 

Felix took his medication with a glass of water and a frown, making a face at his water filled stomach, but downed another glass for the sake of "health". 

30 seconds later and two tied shoes, they were walking out the door and into the elevator. 

Changbin pulled out the car keys once he got into the garage and started the ignition. 

Felix supposed Chan left him the car keys and instead called a driver to take the rest of them to work. 

Chan really did think of everything. 

"Where to?" Changbin asked, reversing out of the driveway and onto a main road. 

"How about that one pancake place? I could go for some pancakes right about now." 

"To the pancake place it is."

Four left turns and two right turns later, they arrived at said "pancake place".

Changbin parked and they walked inside to get seated and order. 

Felix, of course, ordered a stack of pancakes and a side of hot chocolate, thanks to Changbin’s insisting that he shouldn't have coffee this time. 

Changbin ordered Kimchi pancakes and water, saying he doesn't need the carbs this early. 

A few minutes waiting and three glasses of water later, their food arrived. 

Felix gasped at his food. A stack of three steaming pancakes, slathered in butter and syrup with no less than three runny eggs. A side dish of a wide assortment of fruits, and of course, his hot chocolate. 

His hot coco had a large amount of whipped cream topping it and cinnamon sprinkled over the top. 

All in all, it looked amazing. 

Felix didn't hesitate to dive in, taking a big forkful of pancake and egg and washing it down with creamy chocolate.

Well, as big a forkful as his left hand would let him. 

After a couple of rushed, sloppy bites, he slowed a bit, and instead turned his focus to the restaurant and his bandmate sitting across from him. 

The restaurant was a mix of two cultures: Korean and American. With both countries’ menus being served, it was quite popular. 

No one seemed to recognize them, thank goodness. 

Changbin was eating his kimchi pancakes peacefully, paying attention to his phone rather than his surroundings. 

Changbin looked at him, and started laughing, almost choking on his bite. 

"What?" Felix asked, offended. 

"How are you so messy?" Changbin broke out into another fit of giggles. 

Felix was visibly confused before realizing Changbin was laughing at his face. 

"Here, let me get it." Changbin poured a tiny bit of his water onto a napkin, getting it wet. Using the wet napkin, Changbin leaned across the table and wiped Felix's syrup clad mouth and cheeks. 

"Thanks." Felix said after he sat back down. 

"Anytime, baby." 

"I wish you guys would stop calling me that." Felix mumbled. 

"Did you say something?" Changbin asked, looking up from his phone. 

Felix shook his head. "No hyung." 

Changbin just hummed. 

"Hey hyung, you ordered kimchi pancakes, right?" Felix suddenly asked, his focused eyes set on Changbin’s 3/4 gone plate. 

"Yeah. Do you want a bite?" Changbin caught on to what Felix was implying, and he nodded happily. 

Changbin cut off a decent chuck from one of his pancakes and fed it to Felix. 

Felix almost moaned at the taste. "That's so good! Kimchi pancakes have always been one of my favorite Korean meals." 

"They've always been one of my favorite meals too. Me and my sister would always eat my mom's homemade kimchi pancakes, we loved it." 

"Your sister? I don't think you've told me much about her," Felix said, "Is she older or younger than you?"

Changbin smiled. "She's older. I know I don't talk about her much, but she is one of my favorite people." 

"Really? Tell me more about her." Felix demanded. 

"Well, to start with, she is really funny. I love talking to her, she could always make me laugh. When we were kids, me and her could talk for hours and we’d always make each other laugh," Changbin smiled at the memories. 

"It sounds like you had a good relationship with her." Felix commented. 

"Yeah, we got along most of the time. We fought plenty, but I don't even remember most of them."

"She sounds awesome!" 

"Yeah, she is pretty cool. But even if she was the older one, I always took care of her. It was just how we were." Changbin said fondly. 

Felix cocked his head. "What do you mean? If she was older, why wasn't she the one to take care of you?" Felix asked. 

"She classified as a Little at 15." Changbin said frankly, taking a sip of his water. 

Felix froze, like he did every time Littles were brought up in a conversation. 

"O-oh. That's... cool." Felix said stiffly. 

Changbin didn't notice his change of tone and demeanor. 

"Yeah, it is pretty cool. I helped my mom take care of her until I was classified as a Caregiver at 14. Then, I mostly took care of her." Changbin smiled softly. "Her headspace is five years to ten years old, so it wasn't hard." 

Felix didn't respond, instead taking an awkward gulp of water, finishing his fifth glass of water since they arrived. 

"She’s so sweet and caring and nice, and I miss her a lot." Changbin laughed a bit. "And when she fell into headspace, she was the rowdiest Little you would ever meet." He was smiling fondly, and something inside Felix gut twisted uncomfortably. 

Oh wait, that was just his bladder. 

"She sounds great hyung." A pause. "I'll be right back; I need to use the bathroom." He stood up from his seat, trying to make his escape. 

"I'll come with you in case you need help." Changbin said, moving to get up as well. 

"No hyung, please don't. I'll call you if I need you, I promise." Felix practically begged him, giving him the puppy eyes, he knew he wouldn't be able to refuse. 

Changbin looked skeptical but agreed. "You'll call me if you need me, right?" 

"Of course, hyung. I promise." Felix said, linking pinkies with Changbin. 

Changbin reluctantly stayed seated as Felix walked away, both of them forgetting that Felix didn't have his phone. 

Felix disappeared from Changbin’s sight, going towards the public restrooms at the back of the restaurant. 

_Why do Littles follow me everywhere? Why am I surrounded by what I can't be?_

His bladder was uncomfortably full, but he ignored the warning bells going off in his head. 

_Why am I being plagued by all this? What did I do in my past life to deserve this?_

When he got to the restroom, there was a sign on the door that said, "closed temporarily for maintenance". 

_Just my luck._

And that's when it happened. 

Without warning, his full bladder untwisted, and he felt the front of his pants grow warm. 

He froze in his tracks, unable to process what was happening. 

The warm, wet feeling grew, spreading down his thighs and legs, into his socks, and pooled at his feet. 

Felix was in shock, his mind finally catching on. 

_I just fucking peed myself. What the fuck-_

The warm feeling began to grow cold, and Felix finally burst into tears, unable to hold his emotions in. 

He was standing outside a restroom, in public, standing in a puddle of his own pee, and his jeans soaked. 

He sobbed, tears streaming down his cheeks for the nth time that week. 

He was unable to move from where he was standing, too scared and too uncomfortable in the wet denim. 

The door to the men's bathroom opened and a young-looking staff lady came out with a trolly full of cleaning supplies, and Felix just started crying harder. 

He was so embarrassed, so mortified, so wet, and now someone saw him like this. 

The lady gasped, abandoning her trolly and walked to him. She scanned him and assessed the problem. 

Felix sobbed harder. 

"Hey, it's ok, it's ok honey. It’s ok, I promise. Please don't cry." She comforted him, bending down near the puddle at his feet so she could look him in the eyes. He lowered his head even further and avoided her kind eyes, too embarrassed to look at her. 

"Do you want me to go get your Caregiver?"

Felix didn't bother correcting her, just nodded, still choking on his sobs. 

"What's his name sweetheart? I need to know his name or how he looks so I can find him." She softly asked him. 

His sobs slowed enough to choke out only a few words. "B-binnie. H-he is wearing all black and a b-baseball cap." He sobbed out, swallowing his tears. 

"Ok, sweetheart, what's your name?" She asked once more. 

"F-Felix." 

"Ok Felix, you stay here, and I'll be right back with your Caregiver, alright?" Felix nodded mutely, sobs still shaking his small wet frame. 

The nice staff lady disappeared out of sight, and Felix sobbed harder once again. 

Back at their table, Changbin was starting to get worried. Felix had been gone longer than it should take him to pee, and Changbin thought he heard sobbing, but then again, the restaurant is so loud he wasn't sure. 

"Excuse me sir, are you 'Binnie'?" A young female staff member asked. 

He burrowed his brow, confused at the nickname and her presence. "Yeah, that's me. Is there a problem?" He replied. 

She nodded her head. "Your Little -Felix, he said was his name- had an accident near the men's restrooms and was crying for you." 

_Felix had an accident._ Changbin was confused but didn't let it show. 

Instead, he stood up, and picked up his bag, knowing somehow that he would need it. 

"Thank you for telling me." 

"Of course, just helping a Little in need. Don't worry about the mess, I can clean it up. It happens more often than you would think." She spoke. "Just ask for me if you need any help. My name is Byeol."

She turned to walk away, but Changbin called her name. 

"Byeol-ssi!" 

"Yeah?" 

"Do you, by any chance, have a change of briefs or boxers Felix could use? I don't have a change for him." 

"We don't have briefs or boxers, I'm afraid. We do have pull-ups or diapers if you would like?" 

Changbin mulled it over. He only had a change of pants in his bag, not underwear. He remembered taking them out and forgetting to replace them. 

He could call someone, but he knew everyone was working and wouldn't be able to break away for at least another two hours. 

"Yeah actually, a pull-up should work." Changbin concluded a pull-up was better than nothing. 

"Of course, let me go grab one and I'll bring it over. What size is he?" 

"Uhm, men's small I think."

"Ok, I'll go grab one and I'll meet you over there." She walked off, and Changbin got back to the issue at hand. 

He strode, almost ran to where the men's restrooms are, the sounds of sobbing getting louder. 

And there he was, standing stiffly, legs wet and shaking, and in a puddle of what looked like water, but Changbin knew better. 

Felix looked up at the sound of footsteps, catching sight of his hyung. 

"Binnie!" He sobbed out, cheeks red and tear stained. 

Changbin’s heart clenched. He sounded so sad. 

"It’s ok baby, I'm here, Binnie hyung is here." Changbin drew him into a hug, mindful of the puddle, and gently rocked him side to side. 

"I-I'm sorry hyung, I didn't mean to, please don't be mad at me." Felix choked out, sniffling. 

"Oh baby, hyung isn't mad, I promise. It was an accident." Changbin shushed him, kissing his temple. 

The sobs slowly stopped until all that remained was shaky breaths and sniffles. 

"It’s ok baby. Are you ready to be cleaned up?" Changbin pulled away from the hug, noting Felix's blushing cheeks as he nodded his response. 

Normally, Changbin wouldn't ask a full grown non-Little if they want to be cleaned up like you would a child or Little, but the Caregiver in Changbin jumped out and left no room for argument. Not to mention, something told him that Felix wasn't in his right mind at the moment to help himself. 

"Changbin-ssi?" A voice called from behind him, and he turned to face Byeol. 

"Here's the pull-up." She said, handing Changbin a thin crinkly white object. 

Pull-ups for Littles are different than normal pull-ups. They're shaped like boxers or briefs, and are thin enough to not bulge, and held an exceptional amount of liquid without leaking. You could thank the cutting-edge technology of the new age for that. 

Changbin thanked her and Felix squawked at the site of the pull-up in Changbin’s hand, face going a bright red. 

Without another word, Changbin grabbed Felix's good hand and walked into the bathroom a few feet away, Felix shuffling uncomfortably behind him. 

In the bathroom, Changbin kept pulling Felix until they reached the stall furthest from the door, the one he knew held a changing table and had the most floor space. 

Felix dreaded what was coming, frantically trying to think of a way out of it. 

Changbin shut and locked the stall door behind him, and turned to face Felix, who was avoiding his gaze with a red face. 

"Let's do this Lixie." Felix shook his head, refusing. 

"No. Don't want to wear a pull-up." He replied stubbornly with a small sniff and swallow. 

"I know sunshine. But you don't have a choice. I don't have a spare pair of boxers," Changbin explained calmly, "You're lucky I had an extra pair of sweatpants." 

Felix shook his head, still refusing to look Changbin in the eye. 

"Felix, I know you don't want to. But this isn't a negotiation. Sit on the changing table."

Felix burst into a new set of tears but sat on the table. 

Changbin quickly untied his soaked shoes and set them aside, reminding himself to ask Byeol for a plastic bag when they were done. 

He peeled off the wet socks, leaving Felix's feet bare. 

Gently pulling Felix back onto his feet and grimacing at the dirty restroom floor, he started pushing down his pee-soaked jeans, dropping them into the pile of wet clothes. 

Finally, he started to take off Felix’s saturated boxers, when Felix started sobbing again. 

Stopping midway, Changbin stood up and hugged the half-naked younger. 

"It’s ok bubs, I'm almost done. You're doing so good." 

Pushing them the rest of the way off, he let Felix step out of them before dropping them with the rest of the clothes. 

Changbin reached into his bag and pulled out a package of emergency wipes, something he had nearly forgotten about. 

Felix stiffened at the sound of the package opening, his breathing picked up. 

He pushed down his panicked feelings and let Changbin take care of him. His head felt floaty, and as much as he wanted to push Changbin away and do it himself, something in the back of his mind told him it wasn't a good idea. 

Hurrying back to his previous place, Changbin quickly opened the package of wipes and got to work, wiping down Felix's sticky thighs, inner thighs, legs, pelvic area, and around Felix's private parts.

He didn't want to chance any sort of rash or irritation, so he spared no area, wiping him down until he was completely clean. 

Changbin held the pull-up out for Felix to step into, not letting the poor boy get a word in edgewise. 

The poor boy in question wasn't sure what to do. He really _really_ didn't want to wear a... _pull-up,_ but what were his other options? 

He held onto Changbin’s strong shoulders and stepped into the pull-up one wobbly leg at a time. 

Changbin slid the thin pull-up up Felix’s smooth legs and thighs, until it was snug on his waist. 

To be honest, it felt almost exactly like regular boxers. There wasn't a huge noticeable difference. 

However, he still knew what it was. It didn't change the fact that it was still a pull-up, and he still had an accident in a restaurant. 

But the pull-up wasn't the _worst_ thing. At least it wasn't a diaper. 

"It’s not too bad, is it?" Changbin asked him.

"It’s horrible." Felix lied with a pout. 

Changbin pulled the sweatpants out of his bag instead of replying to Felix. 

He held out the sweatpants like he had the pull-up, and Felix stepped into them as well. 

"Ok, wait here and I'll go ask Byeol if she has a plastic bag, we can put your wet clothes in." Changbin said, quickly exiting the bathroom and leaving Felix alone.

Felix took this time to properly assess his mind. 

He wasn't in Little Space. 

He wasn't panicking too much. 

He wasn't crying anymore. 

Why does he feel better now than before? 

He almost wanted to snuggle with one of his members, sleep, with a soft blanket and a pacif-

He stopped his train of thought. Apparently, he was closer to his headspace than he thought he was.

He can't slip. He is not a Little, isn't a Little, he will never be a Little. 

They would be so disappointed if they did find out, if last night was anything to go by. He couldn't let them know, he _couldn’t._

They would hate him. Changbin probably already hated him, having to clean up Felix like he was a stupid man-child. No one Felix's age would have an accident, and no one his age would be wearing a pull-up either.

Well, no one his age except for Littles.

But he wasn't a Little, he isn't a Little, he refused to be a Lit-

Changbin came back into the stall, interrupting his train of thoughts, this time a plastic bag in his hand. 

He picked up Felix clothes and gently plopped them into the bag before tying it. 

"Come on Lixie, it’s time to go," Changbin instructed him. 

"I don't have shoes, remember?" 

Changbin paused. "Oh. You're right. Here, hold this." He held out his bag for Felix to take. 

"Why do I have to hold th- woah!" Changbin picked Felix up and situated him on his broad back, the plastic bag in his other hand. 

"Problem solved, let's go." And with those final words, Changbin left the stall with a bare-footed Felix adorning his back. 

They walked through to restaurant, Changbin only stopping twice; once to pay the bill, and once to thank the nice staff lady again. 

Felix hid his face on Changbin’s shoulder the entire time, paranoid everyone would know what happened. 

To be fair though, his fear wasn't entirely misplaced. Most spectators could guess what happened, but even if they guessed right, they didn't comment; it was a fairly normal occurrence to see, especially with Littles. 

At the car, Changbin set him in the passenger seat, telling him to buckle before walking around and getting into the driver's side, starting the car.

"Can we just go home?" Felix asked in a small voice. 

"No, you have your vocal lessons and I have to meet Chan hyung and Jisung in the studio." Changbin looked guilty. 

"Can't I just skip my lesson?" 

"You won't be able to reschedule it, and then you'll be behind. I don't think it’s a good idea to skip." 

"Ok, fine." Felix sighed sadly, sniffling again. "Hyung?" 

"Yeah?" 

"Please. . .please don't tell anyone what happened." He pleaded, cheeks red again.

"I won't tell, but I won't lie either." Changbin answered. 

They pulled into the company lot, Changbin parking the car and they both climbed out. 

They continued down the halls of the building, growing steadily closer to their destinations. 

Before they parted ways, Felix grabbed Changbin’s shirt, stopping him from entering the studio where Chan and Jisung were waiting. 

"Hyung! I just wanted to say... thank you, for helping me and not making a big deal out of what happened." Felix said sincerely. 

Changbin smiled, pulling his into a tight comforting hug. "Don't worry about it." Changbin pulled away and opened the door the studio. "Go to your lessons, I'll see you later, stinky butt." Changbin softly swatted Felix's backside, closing the door quickly before Felix punched him back. 

Muttering angrily, Felix toddled down the hall to his lessons. 

Inside the small room, there was Minho and his vocal teacher, who he always forgot her name. 

Shit, he forgot Minho also had a lesson today. 

"You're late!" His teacher shrilly reprimanded him. 

How she teaches vocals, he'll never know. 

"Sorry miss, I lost track of time." He lied skillfully. To be honest, it scared him how easily the lie came. 

From the side, Minho studied him carefully, noting his swollen face and red eyes. 

"Get in your place!" His teacher brayed. "We're about to begin!" 

45 minutes and several mistakes later, the lesson was over. 

Felix sighed in relief, his voice sore and strained. 

"Hey, you ok?" Minho came up to him, worried about his appearance earlier. 

"Yeah hyung, just had a bad day." He replied quietly. 

"Well, let's go to practice then we can go home." And with that, the two dancers left the vocal room and their donkey of a teacher behind and headed towards practice. 

Opening the door, the music pounded in their ears and the humid air slapped them in the face.

The music faded and everyone turned to them as the dance ended. 

"You're just in time, we're just about to start the choreo for 'Back Door'." 

Everyone waited for Minho and Felix to stretch, before stepping into place. 

They were still missing 3racha, but they made do. 

And if Seungmin caught sight of a suspicious white ruffle sticking up from Felix’s waistline, he didn't say anything. 

After an hour of dancing, they finally took a break and 3racha joined them, warming up while the others gasped for breath. 

Changbin came up to Felix during that time, sliding up to him not-so-subtly. 

"How're you feeling?" Changbin asked in a low voice. 

"Tired. My voice hurts." He replied even lower. 

"We only have a few more hours, and then we can be done." 

Felix sighed at the daunting prospect. "I know, I can handle it." He reassured Changbin. 

"Just a few more hours, then I can go change and go to sleep." After the words of motivation to himself, he pulled himself to his achy feet and continued dancing. 

Dancing made it hard to think, something Felix was grateful for. The less he could form coherent thoughts, the less his thoughts could swallow him. 

Lately, his thoughts were heavier too. 

Holding that weight, keeping it to himself; it was exhausting. 

Thoughts about failing, thoughts about what would happen if the others were to find out, thoughts about how he didn't deserve to be here; they circled in his mind 24/7, making his everyday thoughts just a little more sinister. 

His legs shook, exertion making them unsteady. 

The last note of Levanter fell on his ears, and he collapsed. 

Minho crawled over to him, pulling him into his lap, the pull-up on Felix crinkling loudly. 

He panicked, springing away from him. 

Minho looked at him confused, and Felix hoped he didn't hear anything suspicious. 

But hey, at least pull-ups weren't as noisy as a diaper would be. 

He stood up, walking over to grab his third bottle of water out of the mini fridge. Dancing makes him thirsty, what can he say? 

Taking a large gulp, he was hit with the urge to pee. Again. 

But the small break was over. 

"Back to your places everyone!" Chan commanded. 

"Can I go to the bathroom first?" Felix spoke up. 

Chan shook his head. "After this next dance, we'll be done for the day. Can it wait until then?" 

Felix nodded anxiously. He will just have to wait. 

The music started up again, and he quickly got into place. 

Halfway through the choreo, his bladder was pinching uncomfortably. 

_Uh oh. I know this feeling. This is what happened before too!_

He held it until the song ended, then ran towards the door. 

He didn't even make it halfway through the doorway. 

His bladder released for the second time that day, except this time it didn't soak his pants and underwear. 

Instead, his pull-up soaked it up, becoming warm. 

Tears gathered in his eyes. 

Changbin ran up to him. "What's wrong?" 

Felix held his hands in front of his face, hopefully hiding his tear-filled eyes. 

"It happened again Binnie..." 

"What happened again?" His face lit up in realization. "You had another accident?" He asked quietly for clarification. 

Felix nodded, blushing. 

"It’s ok Lixie." He hugged Felix. "Look at the bright side! At least it didn't go everywhere again." 

Felix gave a watery chuckle. 

"Hey, what's the problem over here?" Chan came up to them, holding his bag over his shoulder. He caught sight of Felix’s red face and tearful eyes. 

"What happened Lixie? Why are you crying?" Chan pushed past Changbin, sweeping Felix into a hug. Changbin stepped out of the way before he got ran over, letting the aussie bros hug. 

"It’s nothing hyung. I don't even know why I'm crying." He lied straight to Chan’s face. Chan looked at Changbin, and he gave a look back that said _'I'll explain later.'_

"If you're sure then." He pulled away scanning Felix's face. "We're done with practice, so you can go to the bathroom now." 

"It’s alright hyung, I don't need to anymore." 

Chan looked at him in confusion, and Felix just shook his head. 

"Ok then. Let's go home everyone." Everyone followed Chan out of the door, giving concerned looks to Felix. 

"Come on Lixie, let's go home." Changbin said, picking up his bag from the floor. 

"I want to, but I don't feel like I can move..." 

Changbin paused. "Oh. Want me to carry you?" 

"No, I'll just... toddle, I guess." 

"If you say so. Let's go, we don't want to keep the others waiting." 

Changbin waited until Felix awkwardly shuffled out of the room before shutting off the lights and closing the door for the night. 

Felix did indeed toddle his way to the car, his soggy pull-up crinkling every step of the way. 

Changbin and Felix climbed into the back, Changbin closing the door. No one commented on their lateness, for which Felix was grateful. 

If standing in a peed pull-up was uncomfortable, sitting was a whole other ball game. 

Sticking to parts Felix didn't even know he had, soggy, wet, cold, and rubbing on his butt cheeks; he hated this feeling. 

Not to mention the sounds. The shuffling of it, the crinkle when he sat, stood, or even moved. 

He was paranoid someone would hear. 

Luckily, if anyone heard anything, no one said anything. 

45 minutes later, they arrived at the dorms. Felix was sure he had never been so happy to jump out of the vehicle and run to the elevator. 

The rest followed, knowing better than to comment, but there were plenty inquisitive looks passed between them and a silent agreement to ask Changbin what happened. 

As soon as their dorm room opened, Felix flew past them and into his room, slamming it shut. 

All at once, everyone turned to Changbin, expecting an explanation. 

He sighed heavily. "It’s a long story." 

Meanwhile, Felix dug through his drawers as fast as he could, gathering his pajamas and a clean pair of briefs. 

Running to the bathroom, he ignored the seven pairs of eyes on his back. 

Locking the door behind him, he tore off his clothes, ignoring the delay his wrist caused. 

He finally got down to the saturated pull-up that sat below his waist. 

He wasn't completely sure how to get it off. He'd never taken off a pull-up before, not for himself, not for anyone else. 

That was a Caregiver’s job, not his. 

He figured out that he could just pull it down, like you would with regular underwear. 

He threw it off to the side, reminding himself to take it out later before anyone saw. 

He stepped under the shower head, not even waiting for the water to warm up. 

He stood there for a good five minutes, replaying the day in his head. 

Needless to say, he was mortified. 

It finally sunk into him that he had an accident, in a restaurant, and one of his band members, one of his best friends, had cleaned him up. 

And put a pull-up on him. 

And on top of that, he had another accident a couple hour after that. 

Well. 

If Changbin told any of them, he knew they would want him out of the band. 

What was happening to him?? 

He was a full grown, 20 years old, adult and he had an accident?

Of course, the part of him being a Little and repressing his headspace for the past six years was irrelevant in the face of self-hate. 

He finished showering as well as he could with a wrapped wrist and glitchy motor control. 

17 minutes and several topples later, he finally got his clean boxers up his legs, followed by his pajama pants and a clean shirt. 

He sighed, relieved. 

He cleaned up his day clothes off the floor, stopping at the pull-up. 

What was he supposed to do with it? 

He could throw it in the bathroom garbage. No, it wouldn't fit, and it would be a hassle to take the entire bathroom garbage out (even if he was on bathroom duty according to their cleaning chart, that week). 

Kitchen garbage? That gets taken out once a day. 

But how would he get it there? He'd have to sneak it past all the others. 

Ultimately, he didn't have much of a choice. He picked up the pull-up, wrapping it up so it wasn't open (albeit sloppily, it didn't fold like a diaper would) and held it close to him with the rest of his clothes. 

He walked casually to his room to dispose of the clothes in his hamper, then walked to peek around to see if anyone was in the kitchen. 

They were all in there, unfortunately, chittering and laughing as usual. 

They didn't see him, and he ducked back into the bathroom. 

Guess the bathroom garbage will have to do for now. 

He chucked it in the bin, making sure the stray tissues and candy wrappers completely covered it from view. 

He walked back out, this time almost confidently walking into the kitchen. 

"Oi Felix! C'mere bro!" Hyunjin and Jisung hollered joyfully. 

Felix smiled at them, joyfully jumping, pretending he was fine. 

Chan smiled at the trio and continued working on dinner. 

Felix came up behind him to watch what he was making. 

It looked like Ramyeon, and Felix was famished. He couldn't wait for dinner. 

Dinner was fast and easy, with Hyunjin feeding Felix when using his left hand was too difficult. 

Felix helped clear the table for the dishes to be washed, before making his way into his room for the night. He was exhausted and would rather sleep than to think about what happened earlier in the day. 

As soon as he left the room, Chan made eye contact with Changbin, and Changbin nodded in affirmation. 

"Guys, let's meet in mine and Minho's room in about 20 minutes." Chan told them in a low voice, making sure not to alert Felix.

The rest nodded, but continued their individual tasks, that included but were not limited to sweeping, washing dishes, on their phone playing a game, and cheerleading. 

~(◍•ᴗ•◍)~

12 minutes later, after everything was cleaned up and the cheerleaders (read: Changbin) had successfully cheered, they gathered in Chan and Minho's bedroom. 

Jisung came in last and closed the door behind him, before climbing on a bed. 

"Is he asleep?" Hyunjin asked. Jisung nodded his affirmation. 

The room was quiet after that. There was so much tension, so many questions, so much worry, but they didn't know where to begin. 

Finally, Seungmin spoke up. "We all know who we're worried about. I, for one, don't know what to do." 

"Well, we can begin by asking; what happened today?" Minho directed his question at Changbin, who had been silent, deep in thought. 

Everyone waited for Changbin to answer the question, but he avoided eye contact and looked away, almost uneasy. 

"Today," He began slowly, weighing the option of lying compared to telling them the truth. "He... Well, he had an accident of sorts. He -we- were eating peacefully, y'know, chilling and just talking. He asked about my family, and I told him a bit about my family," The others listened intently to Changbin’s fabricated lie, "then, I asked him about his. He doesn't talk much about them, right?" The others hummed in agreement. "So, I was curious. But he- well, it didn't exactly go as planned. He kind of freaked out, and shortly after he spilled his water all over him. I guess the stressful thing from yesterday, as well as my intrusive questions... I guess he just had enough. He spilled his water, and it might have been the last straw for him. He cried a little, but not a lot. He's been off because of it." 

The others sat back and processed it. Confusion and suspicion flitted across their faces, looking sceptic at the lie Changbin told. Well, they didn't know it was a lie, but still. 

"Really? But why would he cry enough to make his eyes that puffy, over you are asking a question about his family?" Minho asked. 

"But he also spilled his water," Jisung reminded Minho.

"Well, yeah, but I don't see how those two things would make him cry that hard," Minho frowned. "I saw his eyes as soon as he came in for his vocal lessons, they were really red." 

Changbin looked down, avoiding eye contact. 

Chan squinted suspiciously at the younger. "You're lying, aren't you?" 

Changbin squawked. "No, I'm not!" 

"Well, why would he cry like that then?" Hyunjin asked Changbin seriously. 

Changbin shrugged, still avoiding eye contact the whole time. 

"How can we help him then?" Seungmin asked, pulling his knee up to chest and clasping his hands around it. 

Changbin shrugged, at a loss for words. "If he's stressed and upset, maybe doing something fun would help?" He suggested. 

"That doesn't sound like a totally lame idea," Minho replied. 

"Hey!"

"What about giving him a day off?" Hyunjin suggested. 

"JYP said he's gonna add more hours to Felix's schedule, remember? Will he even be able to afford taking a day off?" Seungmin pointed out. 

"Well, he can't keep pushing himself like this," Jisung said truthfully. 

"That's not our decision!" Hyunjin fought back. "We can't force him take a break, we can't force him to tell us what he was crying over, and we can't force him to stop pushing himself!" 

"Guys, don't fight." Chan scolded them before a fight broke out. "We're all worried, but causing more problems isn't going to help." 

"What do you suggest we do then?" Seungmin asked their leader. 

Chan sat back with a sigh and a rub to his temples. "Changbin’s idea of giving him a day off wouldn't work; Seungmin’s right. His schedule will most likely be doubled in the next couple of days," Chan thought out loud, listing the reasons why. "However, he does need a break. He has been pushing himself too hard, and even if we can't stop him, we can help him and make sure he doesn't neglect himself." 

"Should we brainstorm then, to figure out what to do?" Changbin questioned. 

"I don't know. . .I just feel so helpless, y'know? We can't do anything to help him, and even if we could give him a week-long break, he would fall behind on his vocal lessons and his altogether progress. Would he even accept our help?" Jisung hopelessly listed. 

"Innie, you've been quiet so far," Chan spoke up, earning everyone's attention and they all turned towards the youngest. "What do you think we should do?" 

The youngest looked up from his thoughts, contemplating the question. "Um. . ." They were all waiting for his answer, listening intently. "Maybe half-day break? Like, he goes to practice with us, but then instead of going to go practice on his own or warm his voice, we can take him somewhere. Somewhere... fun? Not stressful." To be honest, Jeongin was saying this as it popped into his head.

Throughout the entire conversation, he wasn't at all thinking about a solution. Instead, his mind was putting together a small puzzle, of which he had no idea would become. It felt like the picture, the answer, was just past his grasp. 

It was frustrating. 

"That's a better idea than giving him a full-day break," Chan approved Innie’s idea, thinking it over. 

"Wait wait wait!!" Minho screamed suddenly. "There was actually a new café that opened recently. Oh, what was the name-" 

"You mean 'Purr-fect Coffee & Company'? The new cat café?" 

Minho nodded. "Yeah, that's the one." 

"What about it?" Chan asked, confused to where the younger was going with this. 

"What if we take him to the new café, like, after practice, and let him take half a day off and just chill with coffee and kittens?" 

"That's a good idea! I love it!" Hyunjin dramatically agreed.

"One problem," Chan stopped their celebration. "Not all of us can take half of tomorrow off. We can't all go, and we still have to think about his added schedule, and how this small half-day off will affect his progress." 

"But we can't really be the ones to tell that. Who knows, maybe this half-day off will help his progress? Being stressed makes everything more difficult. This could give him the strength to progress, when he couldn't before." Seungmin leaned back onto Hyunjin while saying so, Hyunjin wrapping his long arms around the younger. 

Chan pursed his lips. "I guess that could work... who's able to take half a day off tomorrow?" 

"Me!" Minho screamed.

"But I thought you had rap lessons?" 

"You really think I'm gonna go _learn_ when there are cat cafés to go to?" Minho grinned mischievously. "Not likely." 

"I'll go too," Jisung volunteered. 

"Me too!" Jeongin added, bouncing up and down on Minho's bed. 

"Ok then," Chan said, taking one of his pillows from behind him and fluffing it up before leaning back against it. "Then Minho, Innie, and Sung can take Lix to the café tomorrow. The rest of us," He eyed the rest of the children, "are going to practice, capishe? 

"Capishe," The rest responded, despondently. They wanted to go to a cat cafe too, dammit!

"Now that we have that established and a plan for tomorrow, I think we should get some sleep." Chan stood up, pulling Jisung, who was next to him, to his feet. 

"C'mon, up!" He corralled the rest of the younglings to their feet and gave them all a hug and forehead-kiss goodnight. "Go to bed, brats." 

He smiled at them fondly, and despite their complaining, they listened to him and all filed out to go to bed. 

Jeongin turned back around, being the last one out, and looked at Chan with a look Chan couldn't quite place. 

"What’s the matter Innie?" Chan asked, taking his shirt off to exchange it with a pajama shirt. 

Jeongin hesitated. "I have a theory about-" He stopped, rethinking his previous words. "Never mind. I thought I was onto something, but I'm probably just tired." 

"Ok, well, goodnight Innie, sleep well." Chan came up to him to give him a quick hug (much to the maknae’s displeasure) and shooed him out of the room, closing the door behind him. 

Jeongin walked the halls to his room, deep in thought.

He had a theory, but it was impossible... wasn't it? Felix couldn't be- no, that's not right. No way. But maybe...? 

Jeongin walked by the twins’ room, but stopped, and before he could think better of it, he went in. 

Jisung wasn't there, most likely getting dressed in the bathroom. Felix, however, was there. Sleeping... fitfully? On his bed. 

Felix, even in sleep, had his brow furrowed and tight. He was breathing almost strained, and if Jeongin wasn't worried before, he is now. 

He was worried before, and now is EXTREMELY worried. 

The older Australian had never had trouble sleeping, as long as Jeongin could remember. 

But here he was, slumbering through what looked to be a nightmare. Jeongin didn't know how to aid the older and stared helplessly at him. 

The older, was moving around, jerky movements and soft whines coming from his mouth. 

He almost seemed to be looking for something, amidst his nightmares. Like he was looking for a relief? 

He was cuddled up to the cat plushie Jeongin got him, and as Jeongin was thinking about what to do, the smaller brought the toy up to his mouth, and almost tried to... eat it?

 _He's trying to suck on something_ , Jeongin realized with surprise. That further proved his theory, but nothing was for sure yet.

He needed some rock-solid evidence for his theory, and all these little tidbits weren't enough. 

Jeongin decided to help the poor boy, creeping up to him and softly taking the cats ear from his mouth. Felix's face scrunched up in protest, but before he could whine about it, Jeongin gently took one of his hands -his uninjured one- and led it up to his mouth. 

He didn't even have to do anything else - the older immediately stuck his thumb in his mouth, suckling on it almost desperately, before calming down. His body stopped moving, his brows relaxed, and he let out a soft sigh of contentment. 

Jeongin smiled stupidly, so so fond of his hyung. How was he so adorable? Jeongin had no clue. 

He just hoped whatever was bothering him, would be over soon. He sent a silent prayer to whatever Gods were up there, asking them if they could protect the tiny Australian, and help him find the courage to fight whatever demons he was facing. 

With one last soft look at the older, Jeongin left the room. 

Across the dorm, Chan closed the door behind the youngest before sighing the big sigh and walking back to his bed. 

Minho was lounging on his bed, on his phone, face impassive. 

Chan sighed louder, gaining the attention of the younger. 

"Is something wrong?" Minho raised one brow. 

Chan sighed again. "I don't know. This whole situation is making me kind of anxious," He gestured wildly at nothing in particular, looking frustrated.

He collapsed face down on his covers, groaning into the mattress. 

Minho snorted. "That's attractive." 

Chan lifted his head only to glare at the cat dad that was his roommate. "Thanks, I try." He said sarcastically. 

Minho hummed. "What’s going on in that big brain of yours?" 

"Just thinking..." Minho hummed, not worrying too much. Chan was always thinking, this wasn't any different. "Should I give Felix his phone back?" Chan asked suddenly, breaking the silence once again. 

"You still have it?" Minho looked up from his phone, surprised. 

Chan nodded guiltily. "Yeah... it's been a couple days now, and I only took it for precautions. But I think it's time to give it back now."

Minho shrugged in response. "Do what you feel is right. You have the strongest instincts, right? You're, like, an A-type Caregiver. Very strong instincts." 

"Wait, that's a thing?" Chan asked, confused. 

Minho shrugged. "I don't actually know, but apparently they've been doing research and experiments to prove the theory," Minho explained. "Well, that's what Sungie said. He watched it on one of his weird YouTube binges." 

"I wouldn't put it past him, to be honest." 

They were silent after that, Minho getting to his feet and getting pajamas on. 

He turned off the light and walked back to his bed in the dark. Chan, who was in the bed across the small room, opened up his laptop, the light illuminating his tired face. 

"Hyung, no." Minho scolded the elder. "Go to sleep." 

"But Min, I have to get some work done! I'll go to sleep in a minute, I promise." 

"I don't think so," Minho walked over and closed the others laptop, lifting it away and setting it somewhere safe. "Your _eye bags_ have eye bags. Get some sleep." 

"But Minho!" Chan whined out. 

"But Chaaannn!" Minho mocked him. "No, I won't allow it. Go to sleep." 

"Fine," Chan relented, knowing the younger was right. "Maybe _you're_ an A-type Caregiver, you know. You really do act like a mom." Chan talked into the darkness.

Minho climbed under his covers with a smile. "I'll take that as a compliment."

The dark room had a comfortable feeling emitting from it, and Minho felt sleep creeping up to him faster than he expected. 

He yawned out a "Goodnight Hyung." to the older, and promptly fell asleep, barely registering the soft wish of "sweet Dreams" he got in response. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, sorry it took FOREVER  
> This chapter was originally gonna be WAYYYYY longer, but I split it in two, so there should be another chapter out soon. Hopefully. Maybe. 
> 
> Bye guys!! Seeya next chapter!!
> 
> (P.S, sorry for the wait and low quality. I know you guys keep telling me it's not low quality, but I still think it is. I'll keep working with myself tho!)


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